Five irritating things about staying with my inlaws

I no longer visit the in laws, but in the past-

If I showed even a minor interest in any programme on TV, then FIL would be compelled to turn it over, even if was a programme he had previously expressed an interest in watching.

MIL would never let me cook or help in the kitchen, the DP would moan that I didn't do enough to help, I should 'make her let me'. (NOT MILs fault, DPs)

Three bedroom, two living room house. BILs house. Him and his (lovely) wife got their massive bedroom, and the larger lounge, fair enough, their house. We had to squeeze in the remaining bedrooms with MIL, FIL, DNephew and our 2 DC. This usually meant DP and I sharing a single bed each with one of our DC. Hellish. Again, noones fault but annoying all the same.

Dog walking takes priority over EVERYTHING!!

Fortunately for good relations between all parties I have only had to share a house with my PILs on two occasions, the second of which was a week's holiday in Wales.

They snored. Loudly and consistently. As I have insomnia, at that point I was on sleeping pills. Even with those and industrial-strength earplugs, it still took hours to drop off. Consequently I would stumble out of bed, after four hours' sleep, at around half eight/nine. Every morning they chirpily bellowed 'Good afternoon!' like it was the funniest and most original witticism ever.

Days were spent not enjoying the beauty of Wales but trawling around the small supermarkets/grocers on offer in search of particular fruit for FIL, without which, it appeared, he couldn't possibly survive.

Evenings were spent watching/listening to FIL noisily crunch his way through bowl after bowl of snacks, always balanced on his (large) stomach. Then of course we had the Snoring Symphony to look forward to...

Driving anywhere was planned with military precision because FIL drives like a bat out of hell, slamming on the brakes every five hundred yards or so. Therefore MIL wouldn't drive down any country lanes with him as she was 'too nervous'. Bear in mind we were in rural Wales...

They are nice people, they really are, and would do anything for you, but dear God. I am never staying with them again.

My gran had one of those bathroom lightbulbs silverfoxballs. My dad used to mutter that its sole purpose was to singe the top of his head whilst he brushed his teeth.

• kaffee und kuchen at 4o'clock on the dot, then huge ploughman type dinner at 6
• fil is a bit hard at hearing so repeats everything mil says about 2 minutes later
• mil (also nicknamed granny shopaholic) buys the dc enourmous amounts of toys plastic tat
• veg are cooked to mush, food is quite bland (as in no herbs, just vast amounts of salt)
• fil pretends to doesn't like forrin food, however we got him some indian take away once and he loved it.

not pil but my parents: guest bedding smells of damp cupboard and the sweat of many many people .

OP and others, why do you stay in such inhospitable houses? What has your DHs got to say for themselves?! My mums house is horrible - dog hairs and stinks of smoke. No way would I stay there and no way would I inflict it on DH or the kids.

she does not put sugar in my tea zing I make sure of it

What's with the older generation and not drinking with meals? Very odd. Same here.

crying

does she put sugar in your tea?

MIL laughs at everything I have no idea why but every single sentence begins and ends with a little giggle.

Sports is always on and I get asked my opinion on whichever sport they are watching. They seem upset that I don't watch or like sports very much.

the lock on the bathroom door doesnt work and PIL ALWAYS walks in on me in the bath/shower despite me telling them I will be in the shower and will let them know when it's free.

There are no mirrors in the house apart from a tiny weird eye shaped on on the wall next to the sink.

It smells faintly of sugar or something sweet and it gives me a headache.

I get woken up at 6am to ask if I want a cup of tea when I come down. I don't really understand why she has to check in advance.

Refuse to stay in their 2 bedroom apartment .... well 1 bedroom and one room packed to the rafters with shit. (their house , their shit,their business) but last time we stayed 3 of us had to sleep on awful sofa bed and you couldnt even stick a leg out the bed with the rest of the clutter. Now we have increased to 5 so its truly out of the question.

But the last time we went we got whisked away to their summer house , in the middle of nowhere..total boredam. And the house was full of an insane amount of dust and i am asthmatic and allergic to dust , so I felt awful for the whole time (3 days) and swore i wouldnt go back again.

DH's family are fun but bonkers and not remotely concerned about hygeine or tidiness.

The thing that upsets me most is that the carpets in the bathrooms and loo were very old when I first met DH 20 years ago and they don't bother with loo mats. You can imagine what the carpets round the loos are like now...

Cooked meat/fish is regularly left out overnight in the very warm (Aga heated) kitchen and served up for lunch next day.

Sheets are rarely clean on arrival (think stains, pubes and DOG HAIRS INSIDE THE BED). Stripping the beds discloses eyewateringly stained duvets, pillows and mattresses. Beds are ancient and lumpy.

The fridge doesn't get cleaned from year to year, is very smelly and contains bacterial cultures unknown to science.

The first Christmas I spent with them I caused great consternation when I asked for a glass of water (along with wine, not instead of). But I seem to have converted them over the years...

Vegetables boiled to within an inch of their lives and them mashed with copious amounts of butter salt and pepper.
Food in fridge ie salmon and eggs are actually for the dogs.
Back door open all year round for aforementioned dogs even when snowing outside. You are expected to wear multiple layers.

When I visit my Mum it's the heat that does for us all.

Tropical temperatures twenty four seven. Sometimes when DH does a bit of DIY for her, he strips to his boxers .

1 sports on tv all the time, on loudly so you can't talk or hear each other.

2 they are incapable of going anywhere or doing anything without a cup of tea first, even if it makes them late.

3 incapable of making decisions about anything. We have to decide and plan everything.

4 mil runs round after fil like he is a child. Whatever he says goes. No argument.

5 they don't get up until after 10am. Then have a cup of tea or 10.

a whole other thread but they have no interest in their only grandchild. Fil loves zoo's and trains, they often go to both and never offer to take ds, despite heavy hints.

Oh PiperMaru, I think everyone knows someone like your MIL! Poor you. My former boss was like that. She threw a tantrum if I didn't make her the centre of attention, even if we had clients to drill entertain!

I love MIL to bits but I also have gripes about staying at her house.

1. The loo. For some odd reason, the flush is on the left hand side. The left hand side is also the side jammed up against the wall so I can't get enough oomph behind my flush (I am right handed).

1. She's another one with a dribbly shower. I took 'scale-away' with me last time but with limited effect.

1. She is a great cook but very traditional. No rice or pasta or anything remotely 'forrin'.

On the plus side, she is a lovely lady and we always end up taking home a food parcel of delicious home made cakes!

Frau

is your mum Monica from Friends?

Every drink at my PILs bar tea or coffee is served in plastic tumblers, no matter how old you are. I rebel and get a glass out of the cupboard.

The shower is also a dribble.

The clean towels smell of smoke boak!!

only PILS should get food/drink from the kitchen. I rebel this one too for a glass of water.

Only five?!

Mine live in a perfect house which is constantly maintained to within an inch of its 400 year old life. Hearing about this really messes with my melon, since we live in a hovel. Plus, talk of rendering and repainting is boring. This is just a fact.

There is no peace. If i am sitting quietly, MIL seems to seek me out and let me know that another quiet spot is available. But this spot was quiet until you came to bother me, I think, stabbily.

If there is a lot of jolly laughter in the main room, where people are getting dinner ready and generally being nice, she will flounce in and flounce out, having totally ruined the mood with some utterly pointless and brain-achy comment about nothing. She likes attention.

Dinner never arrives until after nine. I would quite simply not be allowed to cook it myself, or upset the status quo, and I do accept that they are the hosts. I just can't eat at that time of night.

By ten, they are drunk. Cue some sort of semi-rant from MIL, the nature of which I have never divined.

There are always lie-ins and this is a good thing. But if I wake early then it is somehow made significant and talked about as though I'm obliquely trying to show everyone up. I could not be arsed.

MIL often pretends not to hear. Or, if one person is talking and another one is talking at the same time to another person within earshot, she interrupts to grab hold of the other conversation as if the one she is actually having doesn't matter. She just cannot be in the presence of anyone and have them not focusing on her.

I could go on. It's not healthy though.

I would be very happy to put up with all of those things whilst visiting relatives - after all, I am the guest - if only;

they didn't come to my house and expect me to do everything like they do. To the point of telling me when to 'put the carrots on'. Cos that's how they like it. And commandeering my remote control. I don't even get asked in their house what I would like to watch!!!!!

Top of current list: shower off bath that is reduced to trickly dribble, that randomly cuts out unless you physically hold the thing, goes boiling and freezing 13 times in the course of a 5 minute shower, and a tap that needs turning on with a large spanner.

When DH suggested they might invest in a new tap/shower attachment for the bath, PIL looked at him as if he'd gone insane. MIL said 'well we don't run to power showers here in the countryside'... She thinks we live in the lap of luxury because I buy lunchboxes from sainsburys rather than using old ice-cream tubs.

Even a few hours with my mother is weird. (No water with meals there, either.) No washing up rack or brushes, though there is a single tiny orange scouring cloth. I think the idea is you have to hand wash and dry each plate immediately and put it away - nothing should be left around.

Also there is no chopping board. Anything that is cut up is cut directly onto the metal draining board of the sink.

Everything is very, very clean and tidy indeed - it's like the hoarding problem in reverse.

There is near hysteria if a crumb should fall on the carpet!

In the winter, my MiL has a lovely open fire. Which she then sits right in front of letting bvgger all heat out for the rest of us.

Kitchen so shabby and cluttered it sets my teeth on edge.

Crap on every conceivable surface

I don't tend to want to murder people in general but, yes I have a list that got updated when we lived with ILs for 2 months.
just yesterday I reminded myself that I never want that to happen. never again.

I can't stand:

• passive-aggressive games in general
• being judged and critised about anything really
• having to listen to endless repetitions of the same boring stories about people I don't know
• having to confer plans

there are more but I started to feel a bit ill from the memories