Ridiculous, embarrassing accidents/injuries..

Oh yes, and I sewed through my own index finger with my sewing machine - the needle was so far in, I had to pull it out the other side with a pair of pliers.

Still makes me cringe now.

On my lunch hour years ago and a cyclist rode his bike into me on the pavement. Thankfully due to my robust build he didn't knock me down just bruised my leg and my pride. To add insult to injury the incident was witnessed by loads of passers by and the only one to ask if I was ok was a very kind drunken tramp, and then I had to go back to work with a black tyre mark up my tan coloured skirt.

I lacerated my finger on a corned beef tin, the one with a key you twist round. Went right through the fat pad and was flapping open. The doctor injected several painful locals into the wound itself, the irony, before stitching it. Havent touched corned beef since, not even a ringpull.

I've just given myself a nosebleed while reading this thread! pretty sure I'll have a black eye too. that'll teach me to lay in bed on my phone

Poured nail varnish in my own eye.

Roller skated over my own hand and broke my finger.

Mine's a bit pathetic compared with this lot... I sort of jumped athletically over the back of a long bench seat in a pub, to get into a gap, rather than ask about six people to move to let me waddle down between the table and the bench iyswim. I caught the toe of my very funky new pointy boots (this WAS 1980-something so give me a break) and shot head first over the table, send glasses, ashtrays etc flying, and gave myself an enormous black eye which lasted for three weeks.

Both dtds are now getting embarrassed by my snurkling noises so perhaps I should stop reading this thread?

OMG absent, I am crying!

Mine would totally out me. And DH's would as well. Might have to name change!

ThreesyDoesIt, that's brilliant! I've laughed until I've cried!!

Ahem, that was me with the weight. Obviously it was the biggest one in the set. Bastard shot out like a bullet.

DH stood on a plastic giraffe once and cut his foot. It was a bloodbath .

OMG absentmindeddooooodles I have just cried at that!

I have cut the inside of my nose before, when washing my face and accidentally sticking my finger up there. It stung!

Also, it didn't hurt, but my sister still falls about laughing at me, about 14 or so, running into the patio doors full pelt to get the phone. She said I looked like a fly splatted on there

Didn't I read on another fred that a MNer broke her foot with a Kegel weight, which shot out of her fanjo? And that she told the A&E nurse it was a frozen chicken? I remember laughing myself silly over that!

An ex and I were dtd in the middle of the day in his room. He got a bit over excited and decided to ( with no warning) bend my legs a bit too far backwards....cue me falling backwards off the bed and landing inbetween the gap between the bed and wall. Now, it was such a tiny gap that my knees both met with my face and knocked one of my teeth out :( blood everywhere and me butt naked still stuck in the gap.

His parents heard the commotion and run in tobsee what the problem is. His dad burst out laughing and proceeded to wheese his was downstairs and continue randomly going into hysterics for the next few days. Hismum on the other hand was never that nice to me again. ( rather strixt roman catholic)

ecofreckle, I have had a wasp sting on a flap. It was agony and swelled up a lot. We had a bit of an infestation at the flat I was staying in, and I think one must have been somehow tangled in my dressing gown when I put it on.

Weeing not weeping

Crying with laughter at the sledge down the stairs.

I caught my foot in the duvet while getting out of bed in the night for a wee. Landed face first on the floor. Huge carpet burn down the middle of my face from forehead to chin, and to top it all ended up weeping myself due to the shock and the fact I was bursting.

I was 17 and was smoking while kissing (oh the glamour ) the exceptionally cool beautiful young man I'd been lusting over. I put my hand with the lit cig around hid neck and promptly burnt myself in the middle of my forehead.

I had to be exceptionally sneaky quick thinking to explain that one to my Mum.

My story didn't involve me but it involved my daughter getting hurt because of me! Bad mother alert, I had memories of me and my brothers going down the stairs on a sledge, and having so much fun, and told my daughter about it and she wanted to do it so I was stood at bottom of the stairs with camera to catch her expression and she went down with my encouragement (she was scared!) and I honestly bought she had broke her back, she came down so fast and battered herself of every stair then crashed into the wall! I felt so bad! I'm not sure what possessed me to think it would be fun, and why my memories were nothing like the reality!

I broke my coccyx slipping on wet leaves.

I couldn't sit down for weeks!

Dh and I were dtd in the shower, I slipped and hurt my back; it was sore but not too bad, so I went to work.... (police, in uniform)

It got markedly worse as the day went on, and I ended up going to A&E and had to explain (whilst still in uniform) exactly how I'd managed to hurt myself

Put hair remover down there and left it on a bit to long. Results were not planned result. Movement had caused it to spread to places not intended which stung and the landing strip I'd hoped for was a mere dot on a very sore and irritated area. It never grew back the same. I was once neat and tidy

Had cooked napalm curry with Scotch Bonnet chillies. Forgot to wear gloves while chopping, and probably didn't wash my hands as thoroughly as I should have done.

Fast forward a few hours to bedtime. Was lying in bed in the all together, and got an itch below the 39th Parallel. Scratched said itch.

AAAAARRRGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Took at least 24 hours and what felt like an entire tub of Sudocrem to feel better...

A rather tipsy house party went downhill quite quickly because of an argument breaking out between myself and two lads. I somehow ended up handcuffed to one of the them whilst the other took the key and drove 15ish miles home.
After a few minutes of stunned silence, a but of giggling an thn swearin when we realised there was no spare key, We had to walk in to town, on a very busy Friday night, to try and find a copper who could free us.
Cue EVERYONE from my college classes being out and spotting us, many raised eyebrows and a badly hidden giggle from from the police officer on duty whilst he fetched this big cluster of keys to try. Not one of them worked, it turned out the cuffs I had were ones the police had not yet been issued. By this point my hand is going a bit numb and funny coloured so the cop offers to hacksaw us free if we can't get hold of a key.
Luckily it didnt come to that. We found someone who had the lad with key's mum's phone number; she wasn't impressed and sent him back to us immediately along with an apology card (she also later sent me chocolate cake) and soon we were free!
It didn't end there though, next day I had to explain to my dad why I had a big scab around my wrist and then by first break at college on Monday the whole bloody student body and most of the teachers knew. The only saving grace was my mum never found out so I didn't have to explain a) why I had handcuffs in the first place and b) what I was doing with them in a house full of drunk guys...