Ridiculous, embarrassing accidents/injuries..

Oh one from my youth-at my best friend's house. I fancied her brother like mad. Sunday lunch-roast potatoes-so hot they made thermite look like an ice lolly. sticks to roof of mouth. I'm trying to flirt as well as being all lovely for my potential ILs(ha) When i could talk and asked for a drink of water, the blister covered the whole roof of my mouth.
the second one because it makes me feel better about being an idiot was youngest ds. fairground-funhouse-the two planks of wood going backwards and forwards. falls and somehow catches his upper thigh. how high up?-it almost put paid to grandkids. had to go to 1st aid and a and e. all i could hear on the other side of the door was dh, bil, other ds s and dns pissing themselves laughing. all holiday they would do a mime of planks going back and forward with an eeek eeek sound.

Toria has just reminded me of another....

When DS was about 9 I did one of those stupid on the spot Ikea purchases of a loft bed. Now, we don't live in a big, high ceilinged victorian, oh no, a pretty standard modern semi.
It became apparent that the space between bed and ceiling wasn't much, but DS and I determined to tough it out.

Next morning DS comes downstairs with a perfect pattern of red, angry dots on his forehead. He'd forgotten he was in a loft bed, sat up as he usually did and met the artexted stippled ceiling with a wallop.

I admitted defeated and sawed 2ft off the legs.

Oh yes just remembered. Once on holiday I was in the bathroom and bent down to pick up my towel and the edge of my boob touched the heated towel rail and it was so hot I got a burnt boob. It was so bad I've still got a bit of a scar. I spent the whole day of my holiday doing cold compressions to the area and moaning dramatically DH was very keen to check it was OK and very helpful with the cold compressions

I complained to the holiday company afterwards mainly so someone else didn't burn any of their delicate areas as it was so burning hot (the other ones in the house were fine, just my blinking one was dodgy). They sent me a £50 voucher off our next holiday and probably got a giggle in the office

This thread is hilarious!

Nothing exciting to add other than

When I was a teenager my bedroom was in the attic of a farmhouse, so low coombed ceilings.

While making my bed one day I walked straight into said ceiling and woke up a little while later lying flat on my back staring at the sky. It took me a few seconds to realise I was actually staring at my blue painted ceiling, still clutching the sheet.

I have been shaking with silent laughter, reading this thread

I don't really have anything to add... Unless my recent case of thrush thanks to an unplanned semi threesome counts.

@ sky and ramp

Gin The way everyone else seems to imagine it is exactly the way it happened. Although I have to imagine it too because from my perspective, I was inside a huge cardboard tube with my vision rapidly alternating between sky and ramp, sky and ramp, then a huddle of knocked-over classmates on top of me.

I just love that I was trying to minimise my embarrassment and inadvertently made it a million times worse.

They aren't that bad (are they?)

And I still have all my digits and other body parts. Nothing missing, though I am extra careful now

And the time in woke up with really bad heartburn, but also desperately needed a wee. My gaviscon bottle in the bedroom was empty so I rushed downstairs, started rooting through the cupboard for another bottle.

The next thing I knew I was laying on the floor in a large puddle of wee with my glasses on the floor. I was freezing, so I don't know how long I'd been out for.

I think I fainted with the pain of the heartburn, and fell and hit my head on the kitchen table, then fell to the floor and wet myself.

I had a headache for nearly a week, but fortunately no black eye.

^aimed to Oinkling not yours soaccident, yours sounds bloody painfull.

I have just howled reading that!! How I wish I had witnessed that. If it was anywhere near as funny as the mental image I had reading it I bet it was hilarious!

All of these are brilliant.

These are all brilliant

I might have to change my moniker as I haven't had an accident for 2 years now. I think that must be a record!

I was clearing the garden a few years ago at dusk. I ducked under the climbing frame to pick up a toy, but didn't duck far enough and whacked my nose on the crossbar.

I remember falling backwards with blood gushing from my nose, trying really hard not to lose consciousness. I rolled on my side so that I didn't drown in my own blood.

Dh thought I was playing a practical joke on ds1 who was helping me tidy up and didn't come out to help me. I had to shout for help. Dh sent ds1 with a single sheet of kitchen roll, and eventually an old tea towel.

I had broken my nose and had to lay on the sofa for the rest of the evening with an ice pack on my nose to get the swelling down. My friend also popped round to see me the same evening. I felt like a right div!

I also had to go to the opticians to have my glasses adjusted as my nose was so swollen. I thought my mum was going to wet herself laughing when she met me for lunch the day after.

I have also done the chilli fanny trick, and the falling out of the bath and hurting myself trick as well.

When I was at infant school, we had a fancy dress competition and my mum made me an octopus costume which was effectively like a huge painted toilet roll tube with foam legs hanging off the bottom of it.

Two problems to bear in mind: there were no earholes so I couldn't really hear what was going on around me, and there were no armholes so my arms were pressed rigid against my side.

There was a little stage erected in the playground and eventually they got around to awarding prizes for the best costume. When they called out the winner, I was half-sure they said octopus. I decided to wait and see if anyone else went up. When nobody did, I knew I'd won and started making my way up a ramp to the stage.

Unfortunately, in the time it took me to get there, the real winner had gone up; something I didn't notice until I was at the top of the ramp. Turning to get back down the ramp as quickly as possible, I lost my footing and, because I was in a huge toilet roll, I started rolling down the ramp.

I barrelled into a number of my classmates, knocking them to the floor. Having no free arms, I still couldn't get up myself. I didn't want to take off the costume and expose my identity so I rolled myself to the edge of the playground, knocking over about another dozen people on the way, then took off the costume and ran home.

The next day, everyone was talking about it. I told everyone that it had been my best friend in the octopus costume and to this day, nobody knows it was me. Unless you were at the same school as me, in which case I've just outed myself bigtime.

Charlie he sounds a lovely DS

Your DH certainly went down with a clatter. I can empathise his pain glad I don't have cctv outside my door

gin he was useless, partly what amused me

He did redeem himself that day though, he walked off to work and round the corner at the top of a very steep bank found a man on the ground who'd fallen and had obviously broken something. He called an Ambulance, stayed with him and when the ambulance couldn't get up the hill for the ice he helped the paramedics gingerly get him down to the Ambulance, all of which made him very late for work. He did have a good excuse though.

Well, I'm mighty thankful that I don't have big norks or a penis, tbh......

This has brightened my lunch-hour no end.

No major calamities for me, although I did have to attend a conference and make a presentation wearing a short skirt, with the two most spectacular swollen black knees, after an inebriated fall up a step the night before.

Your DS was vairy helpfull Charlie

Messed up that link didn't I?

ginguzzler reminded me of DH one winter, gingerly walking to the end of the drive to de ice the back windscreen when suddenly he was flying on the ice. He ended up sliding face first down the drive whilst our DS just stood there watching. He really did hurt himself and ended up having to call in work because a 2 hour agonising commute after landing on your back wasn't pleasant.

However....after lots of tea and sympathy from me (who didn't witness the event) it dawned on me mid afternoon we had CCTV. I had tears streaming down my face as I watched him go flying repeatedly. When I finally could compose myself I uploaded it to Youtube and entertained all our friends with it as well. Fortunately he has a sense of humour.

Totally outing myself but it would be a crime not to share (and I'm still laughing now 3 years later!)

[[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NjNqAFkje-s Ice Slippage}}

I had a rash on my bum due to tacky moisturiser. I had to get it checked because I couldn't stop scratching my bum...

I got stuck in the baby seat of a shopping trolley once. Wouldn't happen now, my arse would be lucky to fit in the baskety bit.

Also fell out a curtained changing room with one leg in a pair of jeans.

Oinkling, Ooocha!! :O

fotoninja.nl/uploads/images/laughing-until-you-cry-1344106261.jpg
thats me now

OH has a clip on youtube that I filmed if him falling off a tree swing.

He spent a good half an hour pulling at it, hanging off it to see if it would take his weight. He was hapoy it would so got hold of it and swung. He returned to the side of the river bank and pushed himself off with great force to swing out even further. The handle snapped resulting in him doing a fandabulous faceplant into a rocky 1& half foot river. I couldn't breathe for laughing and all the way down the river were groups of people all with jumpy shoulders laughing at what we had all just witnessed. He did hurt his hand really quite bad but he was very 'macho' about it to make up for massive dent in his pride