Ridiculous, embarrassing accidents/injuries..

My dad superglued both his hands to the toilet seat an hour before his wedding

I think I have posted previously about the almighty shock I got from a bottle of mustard. Proper sparks!

In Orlando, I went down a slide at a water park with such force, my bathing suit went right up my bum. My bum actually bled from the force of it.

A couple of days ago, at a family party, an uncle who I haven't seen in ages hugged me with such enthusiasm that he accidentally elbowed me in the face. I now have a giant bump on my nose. And have to be a bridesmaid in a couple of weeks. The photos will be lovely!

Still waiting for the "ankle story" from last month.

This thread has to go to classics. It has had me doubled up laughing. Please please please let it go to classics!!

Ha, Mouldy, that reminds me of a colleague of mine who came into work one Monday with a round, purple bruise on his forehead and half his hair missing.

Apparently, if you apply a glass of flaming sambuca to your person, it creates a vacuum. And sets fire to your hair if you spill a bit.

I have sliced my hand with a bread knife tonight, slicing a ciabatta roll in half. DH and DSS laughed as I held my hand above my head to stop the blood.

I don't use applicator tampons anymore, as on more than 1 occasion I have caught a fanjo flap between the 2 tubes as I've been inserting, resulting in a very painful tube/flap/tube scenario!

Many years ago my DF was pretending to be a Dr Who dalek to amuse my DB (aged 3 at the time). Unfortunately he got a sink plunger stuck to the middle of his forehead and had a perfect round purple bruise there for several weeks.

I nettled my arse and my anus in front of a lovely and very cool man who usually dated cool types.

I skidded naked through a steam room full of people and hit the wall on the other side. lying on my arse in the middle of the floor - no one knew where to touch to help me up!

I went base over apex on a zebra crossing outside the Arnedale Centre in Wandsworth, because I trod on a banana skin. An entire queue of traffic was watching as I sped across the road on one leg, hit the metal pedestrian barrier, bounced off and landed on my arse. I could hear the laughter as I limped away. Then I had to go to A&E because I could barely walk and had to be laughed at by medics when I told them what had happened.

When I was young, one evening I was bored so started a foot fight with my sister who was sitting in the armchair just opposite the sofa I was sitting on. What I failed to notice was, her bag of knitting next to it....

Yes, I impaled my foot with a knitting needle. I can still remember hobbling through to the bathroom to pull it out through my sock. It hurt for days. Oh, and the knitting needle was useless after that, buckled and bent.

When DS was 9 weeks old I accidentally drank a glass of Milton fluid. NHS Direct sent me to A&E. A&E quickly established that I hadn' t poisoned myself. It then took me 2 hrs to convince thrm I didn' t have PND. I am very pleased that this kind of red flag alert system was triggered, but they really were not accepting that I am just an absent minded Muppet.

We were stuck in traffic due to roadworks in the city centre. I got fed up, as we were late. Decided to let DH finish the journey an find parking, got out, shouted instructions at him and started running... Found myself flat on the floor.

I'd somehow missed a gigantic, bright orange warning cone, run straight into it and tripped over, cutting my knee open and slashing my trousers. DH couldn't stop laughing... To this day, I don't know how I didn't see the cone.

Also, once, slightly drunk, I was lighting a cigarette with a match. Just as I struck the match, I noticed the box said "sulphur free"... I of course chose that moment to wonder what they smell of (you know, as the "match smell" is sulphur...) and before I could finish the thought, I'd sniffed the match. Which was burning. Wooooosh, said my nosehair...

Fell asleep while completely pissed with my bum up against a boiling hot radiator. Woke up the the smell of my behind literally cooking. I still feel the shame when I remember the resulting GP visit, and having to explain away the obvious stripey radiator marks all over my arse.

in Y7 at school ran to keep up with friends going to PE in the tennis courts and managed to run into a cable keeping the net taught - right in my mouth - I had an ear to ear smile like the joker in batman for weeks.

2 years ago I managed to fall down the stairs onto my right buttock - it was badly bruised and the muscle shifted upwards so I had one pert purple buttock and one saggy insipid one - still lopsided now!!!

Doh!

Any clues? Any teeny weeny clues?

:: bribes with cakes and wine::

No, sorry Alpaca.

Ooh, Parvati... Does the rugby players name rhyme with Bill Darling?

I really hope so! I want another reason to giggle at him :)

I was recently putting the tent up & was at the stage where you clip the fabric onto the tent poles using those spring shut clamp type things. As I snapped one closed, I realised I had a wedge of bingo wing trapped inside. Ouch.

A few Xmas' ago, I was fairly pregnant and was sorting through tree decorations sat on living room floor. Rather than hauling my huge pregnant self up to retrieve decorations from around the room, I was scooting about on my bum. I managed to get a very pointy and VERY sharp decoration caught in my actual bum hole as I scooted across the floor. The motion caused a proper tear. That really fucking hurt.

Im in tears here from laughing...keep going.

Not me, but dh. He was playing 'horsey' with dd in the garden on the grass. He was on all fours, barefoot, and his feet were almost on tiptoes.

DD slid off his back, and landed on his feel forcing his toes to bend a lot more - the skin tore. He had great fun explaining to a+e that he'd been playing 'horsey'......for some genuinely weird reason they seemed sceptical.

It was how he did it - not some leaping off the top of the wardrobe type of injury.

Oh yes, and a cricket colleague of my grandfathers' got hit a bit hard on the box, which split and snapped back together trapping a bit of sack..... They are tough plastic, and it took a lot of alcohol and the combined might of the team to remove it....apparently. Truly ouch.

I've had to stop reading half way through as I am crying with laughter and disturbing dd who is supposed to be going to sleep....

Mine is from 6th form, at a school very close to a uni's student bar. A few of us had nipped out for a couple one lunchtime, and come back slightly wobbly to an indoor PE lesson that involved all the traditional apparatus. I was concentrating so hard on balancing across the waist-high beam that the teacher's whistle made me jump and I slipped off - one foot either side. I hit the beam before hitting the floor..... As I rolled off I remember squeaking that I was ok, but my fanjo looked like a baboon's bum for days. I still shudder to remember!

Can I share one of someone else's? An acquaintance at uni was getting the nets down after a football game and rather than do the traditional thing of sitting on someone's shoulders to unhook the crossbar bits he climbed the side posts. And slipped. He was facing the hooks, which ripped his scrotum top to bottom.....even us girls felt his pain! He was wearing paper pants for weeks - and seemed rather proud of it all! Weirdo.

A student housemate turned over in bed and accidentally flopped his cock onto the hot radiator right next to the bed. He said it really burnt his bell end.

I also love the story from one of my friends who used to go to school with a famous rugby player. They were in the pool having a swimming lesson, when said friend kicked out in the breast stroke style, scratching the vicitm's penis with his jagged big toenail. Even now, I laugh a bit when I hear his name.

Elaborate Parker... You can't make a statement like that with an explanation!

Unlucky83