Ridiculous, embarrassing accidents/injuries..

It was the weekend before I started university and was having a few drinks in the pub wit friends, we got a carry out and decided to adjourn drunkenly to another friends house. I swayed down the road with my bottle of wine clutched to me and at that point I decided now was the time to try and jump and click my heels together in a dick van dyke fashiony stylee. My feet got tangled up together and I fell theatrically to the ground, not wanting to sacrifice my wine I made the executive decision to allow my face to break the fall. I woke up the next morning with a black eye, grazed cheek and a bag of smiley faces in bed with me that I'd obviously used in a vain attempt to ice the swelling. Only one person at uni asked me how I got my black eye. They all just thought I was a mad bastard who got into fights...

Oinkling that play would go down a storm on the Edinburgh Fringe. You should do it.

Had a moustache burn from eating pizza.
Fell yesterday, down some stone steps and have a black leg and a black eye.

Oinkling

utterly People seem to find it so amusing that I'm thinking of writing a play based on the experience. It'll be audience participation and will consist of me in an octopus costume just rolling down a ramp at everyone who attends!

As a teenager I had a job in a fast food restaurant running food out the drive-through. Customer had ordered a milkshake, so I poured it out, but as I hurried over to the window I slipped on the floor, sending the cup through the air, and a whole pint of chocolate shake burst onto his car window!!!

Also, at the same job...we were all mucking about in the staff room, & for some reason I took it upon myself to show everyone how to do a Russian Cossack dance...I squatted, folded my arms & started kicking my legs out...my shoe shot off, hit a girl in the face, & I slipped back & broke my arse.

Oinkling I will forever remember the Octopus story , I was literally crying with laughter

how do you nominate a thread for classics?

Oooh have another couple.

This one was a friend while we were at school.
She had the biggest crush on a guy a xouple of years above, so seeing her chance to impress him she decided to start doing a stupid dance on one of the picnic tables in the playground. It was summer so she was weaeing a skirt. She staryed twirling around the umbrella pole and caught her skirt and knickers on the bit of metal where you wound the cord up. Got herswlf hooked on there. By this point we were all laughing so much that we could not possibly help her. She ended up teying to lift herself upwards to unhook her knickers butslipped and gave herself the biggesy cut all the way down jer bum cheek.
She had to be taken to the school nurse, skirt ripped etcpast the boy. She ended up with 12 stitches. She was 13. School was prpretty tough for her for the nezt few months bless her.

Ive just writtwn this on another thread but hey ho.
Went to a party in a quarry. ...v v deunk and went into the bushes on my own to have a wee. Pitch black, fell into a bloody huge hole and no-one found me for 2 hours :( came out witj scrayches all over my face and a broken rib. Worst bit was in my deunken state I was convinced there werw monsters in the hole coming to eat me.........
...... I dont drink much any more!

more!!!

My DDis very accident prone, always walking into a lamp post or wheelie bins.
Though last winter when it was really icy, she got out if the car and suddenly she wasn't there, she was flat out on her back laughing. She tried to get up again, but fell over as her shoes had no grip at all, this was repeated about 8 times, it was just like the cartoons where their legs seem to run on the spot then they end up in the splits! She ended up crawling on all 4's to a non icy patch to stand!
I could not help her get up at all as was doubled over laughing so much. Good thing she can laugh at herself!

I was sightseeing in a US city on a wet day just recently, carrying a cup of tea and going down a flight of steps near a popular sight. My right foot shot out from under me on a step and I crashed down on my left side. Got tea all over myself, got the seat of my shorts completely wet from the wet ground, and had to have DD1 come and rescue us (she lives there and had access to a car) - but DD2 and I had to walk quite a distance from where I had fallen to a spot where DD1 could get us with the car. SO embarrassing to walk along a busy street full of smartly dressed people looking as if I had wet my pants.

Really, prosthetics should carry their own warning labels on them!

OMG Secretswitch that totally reminded me about and elderly male patient with a prosthetic leg! He had a hand on his zimmer, other hand pulling the boys dept to the side and I had the leg.he shouted go at the same time as stumbling, let go of his manhood and got a ball stuck in his prosthesis!! Cue much running and screaming up the hallway (me) and the male senior almost passed out.

My risk assessment form was interesting that day!!

My daughter, when she was about 18 months old, accidentally poked me in the eye with her finger. I guess her nails must have been a bit long as it really hurt, although it wasn't until a few hours later when I woke up in extreme agony and begged DH to take me to the hospital. The doctor was sceptical until she looked at my eye; she said she could clearly see a great long gouge in my eye. Ick.

Was the most painful thing ever, way worse than childbirth. And explaining that it was a humble game of peekaboo and a childs fingernail that had caused it was just the icing on the cake.

HAIRY MARE?! Haughty mare! A Freudian slip

I was climbing over an old fence that was lined with electric fencing. The bit I was standing on snapped and I went fanny first on to the fence to be bashed, scraped and zapped in the same unfortunate place. Even my hairy mare had some sympathy for me then

Sat on a coat hanger that I'd put on the bed and forgotten about- with the hooky bit poking up :,(

Taken most of the skin off my bottom lip whilst ripping tape with my teeth - done ths twice, eating / drinking is unbearable with a raw lip!

My husband can't remember how old he was but he was young enough to bathe on his own with the door open.

He's lying in the bath when a cat launches itself into the bath, realises there's water and starts to scramble on his crotch before it screeches out of there.

His Mother was retelling the story to some friends she knows recently and casually asked me "Does he still have the scar on his willy?"

and no

Not me but BIL - spent most of his adult life racing cars in various forms and survived loads of crashes with minimal injuries. Tripped over a spanner in his garage and broke his leg in several places resulting in numerous weeks in hospital and lots of pins.

And I knocked myself out in a soft play centre, chasing after my 4 yo. Hofizontal cross bar, right height for preschoolers to get under, not 5'8" adults.

I was asked to leave Kew Gardens once when I said a very rude word, because I'd swallowed a bee or wasp that had flown into my drink. I am allergic to bees.

dH severely broke his ankle, needing surgery and pins and may need another due to constant pain, while playing football with our 3yo. Look at me son! Slide tackle into the ball, crack, cry.

Haha @ Secretswitch, prosthetics are always good for a funny story.
My mate has a glass eye, he loves to freak people out by removing it and leaving it places. Once at a gig he dropped it into a new friend's almost empty drink, friend didn't notice and took a BIG swig to finish it off, nothing, then he started choking! We had to get one of the bouncers to heimlich him. Glass eye'd friend was slightly too happy about how much fuss his prank had caused.

I have had a prosthetic leg for most of my life. It is simply a part of me. I do take it off to sleep at night. Last month I needed to use the loo in the middle of the night. I got out of bed and started off for the bathroom at a brisk clip. Sadly, I had forgotten to put my leg on. Not only did I fall to the floor but I wee'd in my pants too..
When I was a school girl, my mum had to ring up my headmistress to let her know I had broken my toe when I dropped my leg on it.