Ridiculous, embarrassing accidents/injuries..

Took me a while to get the name change

Tis a fab name

Weee! My first ever name change. This could become a regular thing. I'll be oinkweasel next week.

There's your namechange! Oinktopus!

Daley Doh! I should have worked that out. Octopuses are supposed to be clever. Perhaps that doesn't extend to oinktopusus, though.

NC = namechange

Buffy That one sent me hunting on the acronyms page. Alas, I was thwarted. You may have to enlighten me, or I'll go around all day thinking I've won North Carolina.

Hope not, by the way - I've got absolutely nowhere to put it.

Not injury to myself, but the story still causes me to hysterically laugh/cry whenever I think about it:

My gparents were pottering in the garden and GD got it into his head that the felt on the shed roof desperately needed replacing (he's 73 and not in the best of health) cue GM telling him in no uncertain terms to forget about it and mow the lawn.
She pops into the front garden leaving him in the back, and OF COURSE he gets the ladder out, props it agains the shed and gets to work.

15 minutes later GM reappears with GD stuck in between the steps of the ladder - whilst at the top it had slipped, becoming wedged between a low wall and the shed door, and only being 5"4 and rather rotund, he was dangling 3 foot above the ground. GM starts hysterically trying to phone ambulance/fire brigade/ God before managing to get a chair under his feet a wiggle him out.

He was telling me the story whilst showing me the horrid scrapes all up his shins, and quite irritated that I couldn't breathe for laughing at him instead of being sympathetic!

Roflmao.

But Twlbach, semi accidental threesome?! More info please!

Random... that story has just reminded me of another.

A group of us who worked in the same nightclub were out drinking before work . One of the lads got paraletically drunk and seeing as he wasn't due at work that night we thought it best to send him home before we all went upstairs to start our shift so the boys walked him home and put him to bed, then came back to the pub. 20 minutes later we got a call to say he was in an ambulance on his way to hospital having fallen out a window, turned out he'd broken his back in 2 places .

When we finally got to see him a few days later and asked him how on earth he'd gone from unconscious in bed to unconscious on the ground 3 stories below in 20 minutes he told us he'd woken up with no idea how he'd gotten to bed, so he'd done what any 22 year old in that situation does and lit up a fag. He wasn't supposed to smoke in his room (rented house-share) so he'd stumbled over to the window to smoke, leaned too far out and fell, practically landing on someone walking on the footpath below who thankfully rang an ambulance... if he'd not been seen falling I don't think anyone would have called an ambulance as he was plastered and would have been assumed to be a passed out drunk on the ground (we lived in a student city so that wasn't exactly a rare sight)

So yes.... smoking can be very bad for your health!

Some great stories on here, especially the oinking octopus

Anyway, I'm still accident prone into adulthood and have numerous scars and injuries. I'm actually now blind in my right eye and deaf in my right ear, which cause lots of confusion on a daily basis.

Another recent one was getting out of bed in the middle of the night to go to the loo whilst slightly oh okay, moderately inebriated. I stepped on a boot with a metal eyelet and managed to slice open the sole of my foot. I yelped but didn't realise how bad it was in the dark and carried on anyway.

I was woken in the morning by my ex screaming, there were bloody foot prints perfectly formed all the way to the toilet and back to the bed as if made by a one footed person. And the bed sheets looked like the scene from the Godfather involving the horse. Straight to A&E.

Aww, thank you. I really do love having a story that offends nobody and kids and adults find equally funny.

Well oinking be flattered, read it earlier tonight for my boys who are now tucked up in bed after lots of giggles.

You know, I think there might actually be a photo of me wearing the octopus thing. I looked a bit like one of those ghosts from PacMan. Will have to see if I can dig it out although the chances are not good. My parents have a whole room full of photos.

Oh, and I'd be officially very, very flattered if my octopus escapade becomes a bedtime story.

Oinkling read your story out to my DH and kids yesterday, they now want it as there bedtime story tonight. Have a feeling I may need to make an octopus outfit for Halloween, might need some advice from your mum, although will remember armholes.

Oinkling I think you should post a re-enactment on you tube. Charge people to subscribe and you will make a mint

I've just been making the cats a bed under my desk, and got up from sorting it all out. I avoided the desk as I'd planned, but forgot there's a heavy wood cd rack right where my head was meant to go.

With sharp corners too!

Bloody cats...

I can add another one. Walking home last night, I tripped over nothing, absolutely nothing, and kind of skidded along the pavement on my knees and face. Now have a giant bruise on my left knee, all of the knuckles on my right hand are bruised, and very luckily I managed not to damage my face. God I hope that they all clear up before my sister's wedding next week!! Being a huge clutz is a terrible affliction!

Woohoo, classics!

Oh my, this thread has made me laugh for days now

An exploding jacket spud sprayed my face in molten potato and took all the skin off the bridge of my nose. My friends called me Mrs Potato Head for weeks.

V important 2 day client conference meeting thing at work, had a few many mingling drinks in the evening not having had the chance to eat properly. Got cab home, all ok.

Flatmate heard me stumble in, then go back out after a couple of minutes leaving lights on etc. Flatmate got up after a while to see what was going on and found I'd got out for a stupid fag, tripped over my own feet been unable to break my fall due to my drunken state and had headbutted the pavement resulting in a broken nose, black eye, cuts and bruises. In my drunken (and maybe very embarrassed) state I refused to go to hospital and just went to bed/passed out.

Morning came too soon and obviously could not attend day 2 of the conference in that state - luckily boss was very understanding! Hardly left the house for 2 weeks while everything healed!

Note to self: Smoking can seriously damage your health! My nose has the scar to prove it!

Balloon Weirdly, that's where I was a couple of weeks ago. If only I'd have thought of it, I could be rich now.

I'm imagining the phone call to my mum, though. Mum, you remember that octopus costume you made me when I was a kid? Well, I need one that's six feet tall...