Terrible wedding behaviour.

I went to one where the bride and BM got completely trollied on vodka before the ceremony even started: the bride's father had to prop her up all the way down the aisle. She then threw up all over her shoes at the reception.

We also went to one where two mates of DH's were getting hitched. It started at something like 12.30 and was the most pretentious wedding ever. We'd blithely assumed we'd be eating at about 2, since the reception was at the same venue. But no: everyone was formally photographed as they arrived. Then there was about an hour of hanging about in scenic gardens with booze but no food, not even nibbles. Then there was a longish service. It was by now 3pm and DH and I (who'd spent about 2.5 hours getting there) were famished. But finally, we thought, food!

Oh no. We then had about an HOUR of photos back in the scenic gardens, which mostly involved watching the happy couple being posed around the scenic gardens and more booze - still no food of any sort. Then at about 4 we finally went inside to eat - and that took an age.

We were sitting next to the vicar who had taken the service. 'My God,' he said, 'I thought I'd be home by now, I was supposed to be going to Sainsbury's, my wife is going to kill me, she'll have had to go and take both the kids. And I've never been so hungry in my life. Usually with these things, I can nip off after a couple of hours, I can't believe I'm still here.'

The food was fantastic, but I can't say I exactly savoured it.

Shameless place marking to come back later.

Best Zombie EVER!!!!

One wedding we attended had one of those wishing wells for wedding cards on a table near a door. I saw a guest taking cards out of it, handing them to him wife who opened them, took any bank notes they contained and put it in her handbag. I told the groom who confronted the couple, the police were called and arrested them.
The wishing well was taken away by the police for finger printing!

My bridesmaid fell out with me because she assumed I would give her a plus one (I'm from a massive family and had to cut a lot of them out, still had 130 people) and decided to invite my ex, who she had met once before. She also assumed that because I was putting her up in my house (she was from overseas) I would put him up too She still thinks I was a bridezilla, despite knowing having heard the tales of his taking drugs, disappearing for days and cheating.

I attended a wedding in a beautiful venue, lovely people, completely ruined by the best man's speech.

He told a joke along the lines of 'The next morning, we met Groom down at the bar with a big bowl of salad. "What's that for?" we asked. "Well, if she eats like a rabbit..."'

The brides grandparents, parents, close friends and family were all there, and had to sit there while that fucking arsehole said that. It wasn't remotely funny - poor girl had to go and do the first dance about 15 minutes after. Utter, utter arsehole.

At our wedding, two separate people assumed that SIL was DH's Mum (She is only four years older than him!)

So what if its a zombie? Still as entertaining now as it was 4 years ago!

I used to be a wedding planner for a hotel. Organised one for a couple getting married within 2 months of getting engaged. I never saw the Groom (always away on business), and even after asking multiple times, the Bride completely forgot to tell me that Groom was allergic to onions.
Cue paramedics turning up mid main course and the DH having to be carted off to hospital . Bride stayed at the wedding as she felt she had to look after her guests. Groom made it back to the party about 5 hours later and went up to his room by himself. Bride had to share a room with her bridesmaid

My DS ruined a wedding, well for the mother of the bride. Who I shall call Tina

The groom is one of my best mates. He asked me to be his "best man" which I agreed to. This was about a 18 months before the actual wedding. Wedding was very small, no children, only about 30 people all in all.

Tina was not happy, she wanted her daughter to have a traditional wedding, where the best man was a man. Both the Bride and the Groom, didn't care about tradition.

I got pregnant, bit of a surprise, figured out dates and DS would be 2 months at the time of the wedding, phoned my best mate, explained, and said I would completely understand if he wanted someone else to step in. He told me to bugger off, I was his best lady and to bring the baby.

Come to the day of the wedding, DS was EBF. I had already be warned about Tina, who was tutting when she saw me, but had a face like thunder when she saw DS. During the vows, DS woke up and started complaining that he was hungry, my DP tried his best with a bottle, but DS kept getting louder.

I heard Tina say something along the lines of just give him a dummy.

In a moment of madness parental instinct I slip to where my son and partner are, and start breastfeeding. Of course, missed where they are in the vows, which is giving the rings over. Can't stop now, so I walk back, DS still feeding and do my stuff. If looks could kill, Tina would of succeeded. Bride and Groom thought it was hillarious.

Stag do was fun as well, 8 months pregnant, with a bunch of 10 very drunk lads.

Oh where do I BEGIN... my in laws were complete twats at the wedding. None of them spoke to me all day.

My mother in law told everyone that she has paid for the whole thing! We paid for it... after three years of saving hard.

Sister in law was seated with my brother who was recently diagnosed as a coeliac. Whilst he's in the toilet, she nicks his meal because she's suddenly fashionably gluten free so brother ends up with peas, a spoon of mashed potato and six or so strawberries.

My father in law announced loudly halfway through the ceremony that his new wife, him, and his other children were leaving because they couldn't possibly STAND to be in the same room as the wife he divorced 30 years ago. So ruined the service, and wasted £300 on catering.

They were incredibly rude to my family and friends, as well as my husbands friends, and just really vocally unpleasant throughout the whole day.

And on top of that I'd had another miscarriage a couple of days before.

So my wedding night actually consisted of me crying in the bath about my barren womb and my twatish in laws

As I arrived at the Registry Office for my own wedding, My BIL told me that Husband-to-be had changed his mind and wasn't coming. He carried on with this hilarious prank until OH appeared, oblivious, with Best Man. He had taken a calming walk round the block as too early. He was still hooting with laughter and regaling people with impersonations of my distraught face at the reception. What a vile person.

I went to a wedding reception where during the evening the groom went missing for a couple of hours. The best man sent out a search party and they found the groom in a parked car with a half naked woman. That brought things to an abrupt conclusion. I also went to another wedding where the bride picked up her 12 month old son, who was promptly sick all over her. This was just as the formal photos were about to be taken.

At my sister's second wedding her future SIL parked a pushchair in the aisle and made a bit of a scene when asked to move it.
After the ceremony I was standing with my SIL having a drink when other SIL turned up and asked us how we knew the bride. I was slightly surprised and didn't say anything at first (I had done the only reading) when my SIL said, I am married to bride's brother and this is bride's older sister. Other SIL went away pretty quickly after that as we clearly were not interesting people!
I was at a wedding, many many years ago, where the groom fell in love with one of the guests, a colleague of his, at the reception. I saw it, lightening and everything in both their eyes. I only knew about it 4 months later, when I rang them about something and only got the bride, who told me.

Thank you to whoever resurrected this Zombie, it's awesome. I've lost a few hours reading it. Some amazing stories and some really sad ones. I've got nothing on that scale, but I've been to some interesting weddings.
A) turned up at the wedding reception in a hall, long trestle style tables & then the ushers came round to take our orders & cash...for the "chicken lickin takeaway" & for the off-licence. To be fair although unusual it was a blast of a party. No fights, just 60 people happily tucking into fried chicken buckets. It was a good party.
B) went to one wedding where the ex wife was there, she wouldn't let the BGs DC go without her. She wore a very interesting lime green pant suit and was very pleased with how she stood out from the crowd ... Until she saw a 70 year old relative wearing exactly the same suit (it looked better on them). It was a rather drunken affair, a few fights, and the Bride got so drunk she sat on the floor with her dress over her head (exposing far too much), apparently it was because she couldn't see anyone else, we couldn't see her, she was in hiding
C) I attended a wedding of a cousin as a child, one of my favourite uncles decided to put vodka in all the kids orange juice, fast forward a bit ...a few kids throwing up, some running around like loons and I was walking on the wedding table, yes on top of it, dancing along as glasses were swiped out of the way...I was swooped up and taken for a lie down by my rather embarrassed DPs.
D) another that stands out, I went to a very small wedding - I had been asked to be a witness. So only the 4 of us (including the B&G). It was all rather sweet, we came out of the registers office took some photos, and then they turned around and said they were heading to the pub for lunch with the other witness - but I wasn't invited! Never knew why and never spoke to them again. I would have happily have paid for myself.

My parents were half an hour late for the wedding (on a very hot beach!) because they were using an old spreadsheet of times I'd given to them months before the wedding rather than the time on the actual wedding invite!

I went to a wedding on the 'hottest day of the year' and the air con had broken in the hotel... Everyone was drenched in sweat, the brides make-up sweated off and the icing on the cake melted. I felt so bad for them! I just nursed my cup of ice and got out of there sharpish!

Nothing on the scale of some. Me and dh were going to his uni mate's wedding. Now all through school and uni he has a girlfriend called "Debbie" but they split after uni. His mates, as they were all friends of Debbie, were always cocking up and calling new gf-Jenny- Debbie. I've never met met either. All weekend everyone's going "For gods sake don't call her Debbie. And they don't. We are leaving and dh and I go up and say bye. "Thank you for asking us"I say. "It's been a lovely day DEBBIE" her face was 😡. God I was mortified.

Not sure what the back story to this wedding was, but me and two friends arrived at a pub where a wedding reception had been booked, but no guests left at the venue, just some left over food and DJ. We helped ourselves to food and the DJ did his show, and we danced (with other pub locals) till early hours. Fab

Not a bad wedding, but quite funny: at my friend's wedding there was a wonky step that everyone kept falling down, so most people had wine stains down their fronts for much of the evening, an uncle told a boring speech that went on forever, the best man got incredibly drunk and insisted on singing an entire 'Red Hot Chilli Peppers' song into my face while pushing rather large paunch towards me then fell asleep on a step for three hours. There was a swimming pool in the garden and come midnight everyone (including middle-aged women) were stripping down to undies and jumping in. At one point a young man appeared in the marquee to get a drink wearing only a sopping pair of undies. I left the marquee to see that the only two people standing were a 50-year-old woman and a 6-year-old girl dancing together to drum 'n' bass. My friend got very drunk and spent the night puking just outside her tent while her comatose boyfriend snored inside.

And at the opposite end of the wedding spectrum:
I heard of another wedding of two born-again Christians where everyone bought expensive presents for the couple only to be treated to orange squash and marshmallows.

At my wedding, DH's ex wife arrived without her husband, in a strappy and skimpy clingy sundress (we got married on a chilly day in October!), snuck into my wedding photos (didn't have an official photographer, just guest photos, but did have a family line up), and while DH was outside the reception having a cigarette, asked him if he fancied a quickie for old times sake! When he turned her down incredulously, she repeated the offer to one of my BILs (in front of SIL) and when SIL threatened to slap her, moved on to another one of my BILs who wasn't so fussy and went home with her. Outrageous behaviour that I only found out about on the honeymoon- I would have probably lost my shit on the day.

Now I have the last laugh - her DH came out as gay a few years ago (after 20 years with her) and we found out last week that he has now decided he's a woman. What goes around and all that...

I went to a very rowdy wedding a few years ago. It was in a church but very few of the guests knew how to behave in church.
The clapping and cheering started as soon as the flower girls walked in.
The volume increased steadily as the service continued. Every speaker and singer were cheered.
One singer had to shush the congregation before she started to sing.
After the vows the noise was at an all time high and as the bride and groom walked out, i felt like i was at a take that concert, people were literally screaming.
It was mad. rough crowd.

Also on the morning of my BILs wedding myself and the one groomsman who was ready we're dispatched to Burton's to buy the groom's going away suit and shoes.
They'd been planning the wedding for a year and he hadn't found time to buy himself a suit.

Everyone bought my reception dj drinks and he had to go to hospital to have his stomach pumped (after we had left). I gave a friend euros in a card towards the honeymoon, never received a thank you, years later found out her cousin had opened all the cards and taken all the cash!

DuchessFanny I was friends of the groom who said "thanks for shagging my wife last night" in his (very short) speech.

He vanished for three weeks, we all thought he'd done himself a mischief. He'd gone to the airport and hopped on the first flight - had a great time in Ibiza.

Marriage was annulled.

Great bit of revenge, though.