Terrible wedding behaviour.

Am loving these stories, in a bad sort of way! My first wedding, in 1962 ... reception in a nice hotel in Lewes, but I was still so terrified of my father, even as a now married lady of 20 (!) and remembering his threats that 'if I ever find out you've TAKEN DRINK, you WON'T GET MOTHER'S PEARLS', I didn't even dare have a sip of champagne at my own wedding reception. At the end of the bunfight, my mother caught the Best Man and one of the ushers creeping out with bottles of unopened wine hidden inside their suit jackets, resulting in a massive and very loud row.

On the honeymoon in Cornwall, I had the curse (started just before the wedding) and the groom had the 'flu. Second day, I drank alcohol for the first time ever (barley wine and mead chasers - didn't know any better) and was completely out of it for 48 hours after that (guest house had to call a doctor to me).

Divorced five years later. Subsequent marriages in a Register Office, no receptions. And I DID get mother's pearls!

The wedding I went to that was the lesson in why you do not choose your brother to be best man purely because he is your brother and your mum thinks it's a good idea

Started drinking that morning and was hammered by speech time. The most memorable bits of his speech being him starting off by thanking us for coming today, wasn't supposed to be for another 4 months but the bride would be about to give birth then. He then congratulated the bride for pinning down his promiscuous brother (brides mother asked if he knew what that word meant to which he replied 'of course I do'), and presented them with a bottle of martini as they were the any time, any place any where couple and went on to ask if they had any good memories of ....and listed off a whole load of 'quiet' spots. Eventually he was told to sit down and shut up by his angrily embarrassed brother.

Luckily the cream that the waiter spilt all down the back of my jacket despite me saying to him that he was pouring the stuff out of the dessert bowls all over the carpet came out and the hotel paid the cleaning bill.....

I love this thread.

I have a good funeral one. At my grandmother's funeral my aunt (who is a nasty piece of work) was welcoming the guests (it was her mother's funeral) and got chatting to one man for about 15minutes. Her son was standing next to her and when the man went to speak to someone else she turned to her son and asked who the man was as her ds (40yo) seemed to know him. Her ds replied "Er mum, that's dad!" They'd divorced 30 years earlier but even I recognised him from old wedding pictures as I wasn't born when they split up and never met him. He came as he was very fond of his mil just not his wife and he'd called my dad a week before asking if he could come as he didn't want to cause upset. Dad liked him more than his sister so said he was very welcome.

My mad drunk uncle got up in the middle of the meal and started singing opera (badly) to everyone as he made his way out of the room to the public bar stopping on the way to sit on husband's bosses wife's knee (they had only travelled 400 miles) to serenade her (drunkenly spit all over her). It was quite an exit. He had also sat at the meal and stuffed the meal in his mouth with his hands. Oh he was a cad!

These are all good apart from the Northern Irish joke. not surprised that FOTB wasn't amused.

Oh Libra you so win

we married abroad - it was supposed to be me and (ex)DH ONLY - MIL and FIL invited themselves - which upset my mum who, as a teacher, couldn't come as it was term time

she also invited 2 total strangers (to us) that they new who lived near by.

she sat with a face like a slapped arse throughout the ceremony

afterwards we went for a meal - they came as did their friends ...the bill came and they all looked at the floor ...so we paid

they didn't even buy us a drink

and she called me Lisa through out the whole thing (and throughout the marriage) ...my name is NOT Lisa - but DH's ex was

Bride wanted all the kilted men to dance to hot chocolate and end with pulling their kilts up and showing their bits (Classy) DH didn't go up so she came and demanded he do it as she was the bride. She wasn't happy when he again said no.

A few members of her family got very drunk and started an argument with the grooms father. The grooms brother tried to calm them down but they started to threaten the father and tried to hit him. So he punched one of them (Perhaps not the best idea I know) to stop them. Bride decided to pretend to faint and had to be carried to the toilets. She blames the grooms brother for it all and wanted a written apology for it !

She also told the best mans wife that his duty was to her and her alone on the wedding day and she wasn't to speak to him ! She actually pulled him away from his wife while they were dancing.

Mines insane and will out me Three weeks before the wedding, dh walked out of his job after a row with his boss. The place worked was to be our reception venue. We managed t get somewhere else though friends who owned a hotel and offered it to us. Three day before the wedding, ds then one was rushed into hospital with pneumonia and was very much teetering - I spent those three nights in hospital with him not sleeping, worried sick, whilst dh had to cycle around town (we had no car) organising everything. ds made an mazing recovery and came home the night before the wedding. On the day of the wedding, we were both so relieved that ds had made it, we both had a few drink (separately) before the ceremony. I was due to be picked up by some fiends who were travelling from a long way, so everyone had left and 10 year old dd and I were at home waiting. They seemed to be running a little late so called to find out they were over an hour away as had got the time wrong...I had to order a taxi - got the grottiest one available I think (taxi driver lovely though) and got there just in time. By the time the speeches came along I was a bit 'wobbly' and made a 'hilarious' speech at which everyone, understanding the situation, clapped politely. By 4pm I had had it and had to go to bed. DH cut the cake with my sister and we ended up in bed with little ds as my mum didn't feel able to take him for the night as had been planned. This is 13 years ago and we're still waiting for our 'wedding night'!

Not really sure if it was bad behaviour or now. We had a wedding crasher. He totally confessed when I asked him who he was. He got completely pissed on our free bar and tried to get off with one of the guests but left a £20 contribution for the bar for a charity of our choice. Loved him! (Also loads of guests stole booze to take home under their coats apparently.) I thought it was quite funny.

Needless to say I was not on the guest list for her next wedding as I couldn't be trusted. Despite the fact that by the time she remarried I was well into my 20's.

My aunts wedding I was a bridesmaid (one of many and second youngest, this will be relevant later). I got told I had ruined the photographs by rolling down a grass verge with another bridesmaid and getting grass stains all over our dresses.

I was 7, the other bridesmaid was 3 No idea why they thought it was appropriate for a 7 year old to babysit a 3 year old they'd only just met while their parents got pissed on the champers and the fucking photographer had packed up and gone home 45 minutes before.

My mum had to step in and tell her to back off because she had been ranting at me that her whole day had been ruined and it was all my fault.

The marriage lasted less than 6 months and she spent the next 2 years dragging her mother around total strangers weddings, crashing them to get ideas for her next big day. She hadn't even got a potential groom on the horizon.

Sorry, got to address the flooding issue - mooncup! Changed my life! re hideous flooding - I stopped going out the first day of my period because it was just too risky. I've just PM'd one of you to say that after I got a mooncup I went from that to wearing white trousers on the first day, and every day (if I so chose, of course lol).

I just wish I'd discovered the mooncup decades before.

My wedding story is that I went to a wedding where the bridesmaids got lost. Pre-mobile days. The groom and FIL had booked with the same car company. Same name. So the cars got mixed up and the mother of the bride got taken up the hill in a vast stretch limo, all alone. The bridesmaids were eventually rescued in a guest's brown volvo - all 7 of them squashed in. They arrived half way through the ceremony, which started 45mins late anyway, waiting for the bridesmaids. Loads of guests thought it was intentional having the bridesmaids flying in soundlessly half way through to join the b&g at the altar. They thought it was dead cool and I overheard one guest saying she'd be doing it at her wedding.

My ex fil (at a friend's wedding) got pissed as usual and then started tucking into the wedding cake with a desert spoon, before it had even been cut.

Fil was a total cunt at our wedding.

Attacked the buffet before it was declared open, at all the children's food then ranted at the caterer. It's not even like everyone was left starving waiting, wedding was 230 and it was 330 when he just started tucking in

Stood on my dress, fine, it's on the floor but when I tapped him on the shoulder he turned, saw it was me and turned away, tapped him again and said you're on my dress, he just glared at me. I forcibly moved him off like you would a child.

He heckled throughout the speeches (not long).

He then was encouraging everyone to leave early to "go to the pub".

Fil, for example, is a total fucking cunt.

*guests not hurts! Bloody phone!

Also forgot my DH told everyone I was 'the only woman who could make him blush with her mouth closed'. Luckily my DF saw the funny side!

This thread is madness - what is it about weddings?!

At my wedding there was nothing major just a few hurts drinking so much champagne that there wasn't any left for some of the guests arriving later in the afternoon (we'd bought an obscene amount of champagne too, it was our one extravagance. The venue were lovely though and kept a couple of bottles behind the bar for me so I didn't have to drink dark drinks in my dress!), one guest talking incessantly about how his own wedding was going to be an certainly not like this one, one guest slagging us off on Facebook and other guests during the reception so I got my huge scary cousin to get rid of him, my new DH got so drunk my sister had to hold his tie out of the toilet as he was throwing up and then he wanted to 'go out' after the reception. Luckily the BM is ace and got him to the hotel with me, where he then lost his car keys and we had to search for them the next day.

One of the bridesmaids at my friends very expensive and brilliant wedding couldn't wait to leave and moaned constantly, told her boyfriend she was bored very loudly during the speeches and then was caught taking coke in the toilets. Classy.

No fisticuffs to tell of sadly...

bridalscream

You've just reminded me - our vicar got my name wrong when doing our vows and called me the name of the bride he'd married in the morning.

Luckily DH got it right!

Sorry not a wedding story, but a little funeral one...

My MIL fell out with her mother and they never spoke again but she decided to attend her funeral. The old lady had been a fan of Patsy Cline so her DIL had arranged for a song to be played as the funeral guests arrived. It was 'Who's sorry now'...

Sorry for typos. Bloody phone.

This will out me if anyone knows me. But he ho! Wicked step mother (wsm) caused all the stress at my wedding. 4 weeks before I get a bullying calk from my dad trying to force me to have my half sister as a bridesmaid. She wouldn't be one yet and can't walk so wsm would have to walk with her. For some reason he actually thought I would want the cunt walking down the aisle with me (I have a whole soap opera of crap from her including her being such a bitch that I got signed off work with stress). Then at the wedding half sister is dressed as a bridesmaid. For sisters wedding we didn't tell them the colour scheme but they did try and force the then 22 month old on her as a bridesmaid anyway...

The week before -seating plan. Why can't wsm be on top table? Why is she off elsewhere (with my uncle). Especially when they found iut bestmans wife would be there - qell bm wife luterally had just had an ectopic, was touch and go whether she'd make it then making small talk with people she doesn't know. Oh and she is actually lovely and supportive? Then a disgusting message on dh's voice mail accusing him of being a money grabbing bastard as my parents had discussed and agreed to pay for our honeymoon. This when dad was paying for her son to go to a private school and built houses for her family -none if which I care about it just struck me as a tad hypocritical.

Then in car on the way to service dad will not stop talking about wsm. I ended up telling him to shut up and that they had caused untold stress in the run up and if he didn't focus on me for a bit he could fuck off to the far side of fuck. My one bridezilla moment.

Everything else was just funny - the cake getting knocked over by clumsy staff, spilling wax on my dress.

WayHarsh we served wedding cake as dessert! What's wrong with that? It was a yummy squidgy chocolate cake! Hardly on a par with the punch-ups, infidelity revelations and so on in the rest of the thread!

My waters broke on the morning of BILs wedding.

Cue us dashing 200 miles home to hospital.

BILs best friend took over DHs best mans duties but being several sizes smaller than DH the pictures are interesting!

I do feel quite bad about it still.

and very amusing to see!

Tempting!

Snuffy, get all the guests to hide and switch all the lights off at about 8.50