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Original poster

What's the worst/funniest thing that a man has ever said to you after having sex?

267 replies

makemineamalibuandpineapple · 14/08/2013 22:34

I had been having a fling with a guy I had met online. He had come over and we had just DTD 5 times!! It was 3am and I was showing him out and he said "We'll touch base" Grin I thought, "I'm never going to see this man again". And guess what, 3 years later I still haven't. Thankfully I am now loved up with my lovely bf but that still makes me chuckle whenever I think about it.

OP posts:
mignonette · 17/08/2013 14:00

Grin @ Clever. I like happy laughing sex.

CleverWittyUsername · 17/08/2013 13:36

First day posting on MN, but hey ho, may as well jumpe right in.

My DP once said 'boom goes the dynamite' after we saw Cleveland Brown say that. We both just pissed ourselves for ages.

FrigginRexManningDay · 17/08/2013 13:27

I have none but my friend who's a man had a ONS once and was asked to punch her pussy with his cock. It kind of killed the mood for him.

KatieScarlett2833 · 17/08/2013 12:37

I had one start snoring as he had fallen asleep mid way through....

FuntClaps69 · 17/08/2013 12:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NoelHeadbands · 17/08/2013 12:01

My friend once had a ONS, as they were getting into it he pulled back, lay with his hands behind his head, and gave the command

"Dance for me"

AND SHE DID. No idea what possessed her, she felt like a right twat. I'd have been tempted to give him my best Funky Chicken, or a bit of Tap.

NoelHeadbands · 17/08/2013 11:52

"Are you sure you haven't had a sex change?"

Sorry but that really made me laugh. And the tiger mask Grin

internationallove985 · 17/08/2013 11:25

Ha ha drink from my fountain (love that one). I once had a guy call me a nyphmaniac during a O.N.S, to which I replied "You're not complaining are you. Although I did pounce on him 3 times, but like I said he wasn't complaining. xxx

ImNotBloody14 · 17/08/2013 11:25

Grin Grin Grin @ "my foofoo is blowing you kisses" Grin

naughty nacho Grin

agree darkesteyes

weirdthing · 17/08/2013 11:16

Haha that is excellent AKissIsNotAContract. I want to say that at some point in my life :)

AKissIsNotAContract · 17/08/2013 11:08

Oh :( I killed the thread.

AKissIsNotAContract · 17/08/2013 09:48

I've got one that my DP told me. He was shagging his ex doggy style when a stream of fanny farts began. She turned round and said
my foofoo is blowing you kisses

Pahaha.

missalien · 17/08/2013 09:22

Geronimoooooo!

That is all.

NachoAddict · 17/08/2013 08:49

i'mnotbloody I may have succumbed to his charms as a teenager...

I just, said erm you?

Awks · 17/08/2013 08:09

A friend of mine told me that an ex obviously said it was like "throwing a sausage up Westborough". Lovely chap he was.

cannotfuckingbelievethis · 17/08/2013 08:02

I was also offered some "brown love" which I hopefully thought would involve my body and a giant tub of Nutella. Unfortunately this was his pet name for anal sex.....

cannotfuckingbelievethis · 17/08/2013 07:54

Still getting laughs from this thread....

Yet another time I was giving DH a bj whilst kids television was on in the background. All I remember is the theme tune from Johnny Briggs coming on and before I knew it I was playing his member like a trumpet. Don't know what came over me.....

Just to help you picture the scene..

tanfastic · 17/08/2013 07:31

Jesus, some of these are making me howl Grin

Another one here with an ex who liked to say "clever girl", "good girl", "just turn around that way, there's a good girl". Confused. I'm not a fucking poodle you prick!

Fancied this guy for ages as well and went off him in about 20 seconds.

LEMisdisappointed · 17/08/2013 07:28

Delboy it was the description vof her as the sort of wonan that isn't hard to get into bed - just say one night stand

Pinkdaisy4 · 17/08/2013 07:20

Once a guy I was seeing asked if he could call me " mummy" while I was giving him head...wtaf?????????

I got dressed in record time and legged it!!!!

delboysfileofax · 17/08/2013 07:19

And how exactly is that "slut shaming" darkesteyes? So funny stories about males with regard to sex are just fine and dandy but we can't mention ones about females?

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 17/08/2013 03:32

'Ron Dixon's got a new car'

Hmm
VonHerrBurton · 17/08/2013 02:59

Add me to the 'thank you' list!

Also had a 'lets get this little fucker in there shall we' followed quickly upon realisation by 'i mean big one, big fucker, lets get this big fucker in there' Jesus, just get on with it...

It was the smallest penis known to wo/man. Like a little finger. Eugh.

joanofarchitrave · 17/08/2013 01:39

Almost lost it @ tiger mask Grin

Darkesteyes · 17/08/2013 01:17

Nice bit of slut shaming there Delboysfilofax Hmm