Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

Original poster

What's the worst/funniest thing that a man has ever said to you after having sex?

267 replies

makemineamalibuandpineapple · 14/08/2013 22:34

I had been having a fling with a guy I had met online. He had come over and we had just DTD 5 times!! It was 3am and I was showing him out and he said "We'll touch base" Grin I thought, "I'm never going to see this man again". And guess what, 3 years later I still haven't. Thankfully I am now loved up with my lovely bf but that still makes me chuckle whenever I think about it.

OP posts:
eden263 · 26/10/2013 04:30

'Drink from my fountain!' Holy cow! That's the best/worst!

Nothing too bad after, but one BF, the first time we slept together, he was going down there and said 'Eyes down for a full house'! Luckily I didn't hear/register it, but he later confessed, in absolute shame and disgust at himself, that he'd said it. One of those weird moments of awkwardness where your mouth takes on a mind of its own!

moanymandy · 29/08/2013 16:08

I was once giving now dh a bj, just at the crucial moment as he came I gagged and puked in my mouth! Shock I had to run to the bathroom!
dh was a little wtf but we had a good laugh about it! we have been together too long to worry about things like thay!Grin

BogStandardOldWoman · 29/08/2013 15:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TwoStepsBeyond · 29/08/2013 10:38

Nacho, I asked DP to say "drink from my fountain" the other night, we both ended up in fits of giggles, but he couldn't bring himself to say it! One day...

Kendodd · 28/08/2013 23:40

H once leaned over and threw up straight afterwards.

A friend of mine, about 25 years ago, had crabs, he was meeting this bloke he really liked, brought him home for sex and told me he had handed this poor man a bottle of lotion straight afterwards with the advice "rub it on all over, leave it on for 24 hours and you should be ok". So he said anyway.

MamaMary · 28/08/2013 22:36

Love the 'surprise' of the tiger mask Grin

DIddled · 28/08/2013 22:07

Please think up some more, I need cheering up!!! 'Dance for me' has particularly amused me!!!

NachoAddict · 19/08/2013 20:31

I have to admit that I was mega disappointed that after my fellatio efforts last night dp failed to say drink from my fountain.

That was the only reason I bothered!

PedantMarina · 19/08/2013 16:18

OK, who's going to be the first of us to namechange to "DrinkFromMyFountain"?....

SisterMonicaJoan · 19/08/2013 15:40

o'cock Grin freudian slip indeed!!

Tbh, he could have read out the shipping forecast as well, boring as it was!

Dontlookbehindyou · 19/08/2013 07:06

zing I only just name changed after venturing too close to aibu I'll just stay with it lol

flummoxedlummox · 19/08/2013 01:17

ffs o'clock, freudian slip. Actually could you imagine a different headline every few seconds and the a "and finally". Grin

flummoxedlummox · 19/08/2013 01:10

poster SisterMonicaJoan at least that time I managed to catch up on what was in the news for some reason that made me think of Reggie Bosanquet and the ten o'cock bongs.

SisterMonicaJoan · 18/08/2013 20:52

With an ex-p. Half way through sex, without stopping he said "did you hear that Joe Strummer is dead".

He was pretty rubbish in bed anyway (had watched too much porn) but at least that time I managed to catch up on what was in news Hmm

SybilRamkin · 18/08/2013 19:24

Not after sex, but during sex DH and I somehow managed to develop the hiccups simultaneously. You can't imagine how hilarious it is to hear "oh...hic...yes, ugh...hic..." etc. We had to stop in the end because we couldn't stop pissing ourselves laughing.

ZingWantsCake · 18/08/2013 01:17

dontlook

I'd thought this might happen, so was very careful with my posting! Wink

time for a NC? Grin

BoffinMum · 17/08/2013 23:27

Yikes, not classics, please!

Dontlookbehindyou · 17/08/2013 21:27

No fair mumsnet! Putting the admittedly brill thread into classics means my admittance of slut tendencies won't be deleted in 90days! Blush

delboysfileofax · 17/08/2013 21:03

Apart from once by accident (and by no means anything controversial) I have never posted on the feminist forum darkesteyes. You are clearly mistaking me for someone else.

YouMakeMeWannaLaLa · 17/08/2013 20:41

I did once get 'are you one of those girls that can't come' Hmm

Nah mate yer just shit.

I found out an ex had told him there are certain women that are unable to orgasm, like her. I think she just said it to stop him trying; he was eager but dreadful and thought stabbing at it with a finger (like he was punching in a telephone number) for 5 seconds would do it.

Another bloke used to burp just after he came...grim. Grimmer when he'd had garlic sauce on his kebab (no, that's not a euphemism).

RabbitIssue · 17/08/2013 18:30

Darkesteyes - I'm with you, shame a funny thread got a grim post like that Angry

fuzzpig · 17/08/2013 18:04

This thread reminds me of a bit Ross Noble did in one of his shows about shouting "SHOW ME WHERE YER MOTHER LIVES!!!" during orgasm :o

Groovee · 17/08/2013 17:52

There was one night I moaned a sexy moan and dh says "God that is a turn on!" So I moaned again and next thing we were in fits of laughter while trying to still go with the moment. I can't even remember if either of us climaxed that night but we couldn't stop laughing.

Darkesteyes · 17/08/2013 17:33

It was this comment i took exception to.
It certainly explains some of your viewpoints youve posted on the Feminism board in the past.

delboysfileofaxThu 15-Aug-13 22:00:17

A friend of mine took home the sort of women it doesn't take work to get into bed if you see what I mean,

CrazyHamsterdisguisedasatree · 17/08/2013 15:55

The thought of somebody doing the Funky Chicken stark naked while the bloke lays their expectin soemthing seductive has me in stitches Grin