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Original poster

What's the worst/funniest thing that a man has ever said to you after having sex?

267 replies

makemineamalibuandpineapple · 14/08/2013 22:34

I had been having a fling with a guy I had met online. He had come over and we had just DTD 5 times!! It was 3am and I was showing him out and he said "We'll touch base" Grin I thought, "I'm never going to see this man again". And guess what, 3 years later I still haven't. Thankfully I am now loved up with my lovely bf but that still makes me chuckle whenever I think about it.

OP posts:
SneakyNuts · 15/08/2013 00:01

"I do not believe a BABY came out of THERE"

Straight after, pointing at my vagine in an almost accusing manner.

SouthernComforts · 14/08/2013 23:50

The ONS who got up, mid shag, to feed the baby he conveniently forgot to mention.

(We'd met on a night out and he lived with his parents who were babysitting)

Awkward.

EllenJanesthickerknickers · 14/08/2013 23:50

ExH once complained that second helpings (because first time lasted all of 30 seconds, he never got much better) was 'like fucking a yoghurt pot!' Shock Angry Better than fucking a complete dickhead like him.

TheMagicKeyCanFuckOff · 14/08/2013 23:37

'This is how I feel when Chelsea scores a goal.'

Um. Hmm

So sex is just a football match then?

CrazyHamsterdisguisedasatree · 14/08/2013 23:37

An ex always used to say 'Good Girl' !

Ermm gee thanks do I get a fucking gold star

ImNotBloody14 · 14/08/2013 23:31

Shock @ admiral!! he called you a donkey?

maras2 · 14/08/2013 23:30

Purely for research.

AdmiralCLingus · 14/08/2013 23:29

"that'll do donkey! that'll do!"

Yes said in the shrek voice.

And, yes, I'm still with this man... Blush

maras2 · 14/08/2013 23:28

I'm gonna give DH a BJ tonight and make him say 'Drink from my fountain' just to see how close to biting his knob off I get.

IneedAyoniNickname · 14/08/2013 23:28

The first guy I slept with after ex and I split, so 2nd guy ever, said
"bet you've never had a Dick that big before have you? " that's the best sex you've ever had isn't it?"
He kept on in a similar vein for about half an hour. To my shame I did keep seeing him for a while Blush In my defence I was still hurting from the breakup, vulnerable and lacking in confidence. He was the first guy to pay me attention.

Incidentally, the sex was shit and he was no bigger than average.

Ninehoursahead · 14/08/2013 23:26

When I first got with DH, he worked in catering so worked long unsociable hours and we hardly ever saw each other. We managed to get a Saturday afternoon together, so spent it in bed, eating, snoozing and having sex. We had one last session before he had to dash off and then he got out of bed and said "thanks, that was nice"

Apparently he meant the whole afternoon, not the hot sex we'd just had! Hmm

Thisvehicleisreversing · 14/08/2013 23:26

"ooh here we go" every time he came. Like me he was only 16 yet he sounded like an old man Grin

Or "you are pilling it aren't you?" The most gorgeous lad in the pub who every girl fancied. Yet he came after about 20 seconds and still thought he was god's gift. Most dissapointing.

tallwivglasses · 14/08/2013 23:19

"So what's the plan - are we going round to Jackie's?"

Hmm
FrankSpenser · 14/08/2013 23:15

Can't stop giggling at Fountain! !

omaoma · 14/08/2013 23:14

[with heartfelt look]'Thank you.' and then 'I'm not sure what we do now - I've never had a one night stand before'...

er, I hadn't realised that was only going to be a one night stand, man-i-thought-would-be-the-love-of-my-life Angry

FrankSpenser · 14/08/2013 23:13

I remember a guy who thought he was the shnizzle, tell me in between ickle pecks on the lips how the had strength, peck, stamina, peck...then lasted all of a minute.

Bizarrely, as it was during a holiday fling (back in the days of my younger yoof) I had a picture taken with stamina stan almost immediately afterwards. His face: beaming. My face: like thunder.

KinNora · 14/08/2013 23:10

'Drink from my fountain' - bloody hell, I'm crying.

I was seeing a man earlier this year who was in the habit of saying 'clever girl !' when I came.

TinyDiamond · 14/08/2013 23:09

I suppose I better add one but I don't have one so here's one that I said to a bloke who tells me it was the funniest thing a girl ever said to him.

it was in my younger days, I think I was 19, living in Camden, partying all the time. I was working in a music venue and had accidentally started sleeping with my manager. It was all very lighthearted but it was HOT. It was on and off for a couple of years and generally involved us heading home together when the sun came up after finishing at 4am and drinking until 6.

One time, at my place, it was Sunday morning and a friend had just text to say let's meet for brunch and she'd be there in 5. We'd just finished some pretty epic shagging and worried my friend would catch us I apparently looked at my watch and said "you may as well fuck off now"

Who the hell WAS I?

RNJ3007 · 14/08/2013 23:06

Not so much said, but had a fling bark at me when I asked what he'd like to do...

Mood. Killed.

Still18atheart · 14/08/2013 23:05

Drink from my fountain
Grin Grin Grin Grin

TinyDiamond · 14/08/2013 23:02

bahhhhhhhhaha drink from my fountain. amazing

FrankSpenser · 14/08/2013 22:59

Drink. From. My. Fountain.

What the actual fuck??!

PipkinsPal · 14/08/2013 22:59

I'm just under 5 ft tall and 10 years ago when I was 35 I was just under 7 stone so I was teeny tiny. My bf at the time, who was aged around 43 said "it's just like making love to a schoolgirl being with you" Shock. He was quickly an ex.

ItsOkayItsJustMyBreath · 14/08/2013 22:56

drink from my fountain

I am crying! Grin

TequilaMockinBird · 14/08/2013 22:54

"I hope you're on the pill cos that's gone straight to the baby making factory" Hmm

It hadn't. And never did (with him), thankfully.