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Original poster

Gaahhh, can you sew up a belly button?

132 replies

TotallyBursar · 15/06/2013 22:15

Or maybe stuff a cork in it or something?

I shifted some garden waste earlier and I was annoyed but not worried by a very itchy waistband.
I had tree bits everywhere but we were burning it all & would only get more scratchy bits on me so I left it. This was my first mistake.

I got in the bath and my belly button was still stabby and itchy, so I armed my self with tweezers to try and get a splinter out.

It was not a splinter.
It was a fecking huge bug of unknown species, at least dog sized, probably carnivorous. I would be prepared to swear I saw fangs.

It obviously saw my weaponry and made a dash for it...down my leg
It's gone now but I don't know where...I can feel it watching me. It could swim, nowhere is safe.

What if waits unti I'm asleep and tries to eat my face? What if it liked my belly button and decides to get back in ?

OP posts:
Original poster
TotallyBursar · 15/06/2013 23:13

And yes, I am ignoring the rest of you - I am very literally pretending my eyes did not skip over your words in brain melting horror.

I'm very much thinking of nailing that cupboard door shut - you are some scary, scary people.

Entirely coincidentally I have found out one roll of duct tape is sufficient to close all garment gaps.

If the police find my remains they will think I am a kinky, slightly dangerous, fucker considering what I have had to do to protect my orifices.

I'll be in the news.

It'll be worse than 'died of a dangerous wank'

OP posts:
cocolepew · 15/06/2013 23:12

If it has laid eggs, once hatched they will probably need to escape through your belly button. If you block it they will have to look for another orifice to get out. You might want to consider blocking up your nose, mouth, ears, eyeballs and any other holes you may process..

starfishmummy · 15/06/2013 23:10

Cover your belly button with duct tape. While you have the tape out you should probably cover any other orifices that bugs might crawl in to. So you can still breathe - drape your head with some net curtain and then tape it round your neck to keep it in place.

cocolepew · 15/06/2013 23:08

DH has a ridiculously deep belly button. Lord Lucan could be in there for all I know.

MadBusLady · 15/06/2013 23:07

Ssh, Hilda. It's getting way too crowded in here.

Original poster
TotallyBursar · 15/06/2013 23:06

Trinity Shock.

Thank fuck it's not! Anyway, didn't give off the vibe it was smiling and happy to just be chillin like that cricket.

Now I have to perform some kind of sacrifice - well, the last cat to shit in a shoe is really, really going to regret it now.

I never expected to be the saviour of humanity - maybe you can put up a plaque? Just something small & tasteful 'She didn't want to but Mumsnet left her alone and fearful - of such things heroes are made' maybe drop by with something on my birthday. A naice hamwidge maybe. I like naice ham.

OP posts:
BeaWheesht · 15/06/2013 23:05

Hilda - you're evil

MrsHoarder · 15/06/2013 23:05

Can you wear a onesie? With elastic bands at all possible points of entry.

Kneedeepindaisies · 15/06/2013 23:05

I don't know about the OP but I'm terrified about going to sleep now.

Also I think I might have a ridiculously deep belly button.

BeaWheesht · 15/06/2013 23:05

I just don't know what to say. I am traumatised.

HildaOgden · 15/06/2013 23:04

Oh Lordie,I hope it hasn't swum up your hoo -ha and laid eggs,then died and started decomposing.It probably hasn't,no I'd say it amlost definitely hasn't.That nearly never happens.

cocolepew · 15/06/2013 23:01
WafflyVersatile · 15/06/2013 23:01

Oh, I would imagine a belly button would make a lovely nest for fangcruncher's eggs!

nohalfmeasures · 15/06/2013 23:00

What if it laid eggs in there before you got it out???

Jojobump1986 · 15/06/2013 23:00

"the insurance did not have an option for 'insectoid body snatcher invasion counter attack'"

Grin

Nothing helpful to add! I'd make a comment about spider eggs in ears but I'm sure we're all going to have difficulty sleeping as it is! Wink

Hope you locate it soon OP! Maybe if you could google & identify it we could help with plotting it's capture!

WafflyVersatile · 15/06/2013 22:59

Turn the telly down and you might be able to hear it crunching on madbuslady in the cupboard.

WillYouDoTheFandango · 15/06/2013 22:58

Melt the cheese, pour it into belly button and allow to set into a perfectly moulded stopper. I too am irrationally freaked out by belly buttons. My face looks like this right now -> Confused, it may never go back.

I had a horrifying experience like this once. I was sunbathing on the grass in the back garden and my ear was itchy, stuck a finger in and it stopped. 6 hours later I had a shower and when I tipped my head over to put a towel round my hair an earwig fell out of my ear . I now wear earphones if I ever lay on grass.

LemonMousse · 15/06/2013 22:57

If your belly button is anything like the one in Trinity's photo then the bug is the least of your worries... Wink

WafflyVersatile · 15/06/2013 22:57

A guinea pig should give you enough time to evacuate the house in your nightie and a rottweiler will probably give you enough time to call the local zoo first.

Original poster
TotallyBursar · 15/06/2013 22:56

Waffly - So, now I've screamed I remember reading that article! This has not helped particularly so I'm afraid you have to join MBL. Probably forever.

Just...really? It's a normal belly button. How bad can it be? I mean, I couldn't even keep one of those jewels in there without glue. Surely that discounts any more than, I don't know, 4 legs...or is that worse??

Will the cats eat it? Cats eat bugs don't they, even alien ones?

I have no description - terrifying, possibly extra terrestrial, swims, walks, maybe it can fly but I don't know. Squishy - missed my chance, hairy, didn't seem to be -
Unless it's the bug equivalent of manbearpig?

OP posts:
WafflyVersatile · 15/06/2013 22:56

do you have a cat or other domestic pet?

I'm just thinking that if fangcruncher makes a reappearance you could perhaps appease it with a fluffy sacrifice.

MadBusLady · 15/06/2013 22:52
piprabbit · 15/06/2013 22:52

Was it an earwig? It's exactly the sort of thing the pesky fuckers would do to freak you out.

cocolepew · 15/06/2013 22:51

Are you sure it went into the bath water?
Id have a look up my vag if I were you.
Just in case.

cocolepew · 15/06/2013 22:49

Oh dear god I would die, I'm a bit funny over belly buttons

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