Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To be miffed at "Gift list for mother of the baby" enclosed in *Baby naming ceremony* invitation?

992 replies

doubleshotespresso · 12/06/2013 23:38

So some close friends (who married in church), but now claim to be atheist are holding a naming ceremony for their 8 month old first baby in an hotel.....

The invitation is beautiful with a map, timings "event closes at 11pm"?

The gift list ranges from £30-to £300, all items for the mother, cosmetics, trinkets, jewellery, pampering breaks, personalised hand-bound stationery and photo albums...

Anybody know the drill for these naming ceremonies? Are we supposed to guess a gift for the baby? Or just congratulate the mother for deciding on a name?

I have read this a dozen times and am staggered beyond belief-DP read it and fell into hysterics....

My gut tells me to go along with Jo Malone scented nappies or something.

Somebody please tell me this is not normal?!?!?!

OP posts:
beginnings · 27/06/2013 15:54

Ok, send it to your friend's DH and her parents. Say that it's a family matter and you respectfully pass it to them to deal with.

I don't think you can ignore it Double, it'll only add to the crap when she gets here and she needs to be told to back off.

It's unfathomable to me that she's sent an email like this AFTER her parents had words with her!!

Ponders · 27/06/2013 15:54

I count myself lucky that DDP is still willing to continue supporting me. He is though understandably devastated and if you could get friend to call him with a full apology that would be amazing

can you imagine the conversations they've been having?

what do you think she will do if you ignore?

VerlaineChasedRimbauds · 27/06/2013 15:53

Unbelievable!

I do like "piss off and get over yourself" as a response as suggested earlier in the thread! Silence would be more dignified I suppose. Perhaps you could pretend you are sending a telegram?

Suggest stay with parents. Stop. No need for further involvement from you. STOP. Please STOP. STOP.

Original poster
doubleshotespresso · 27/06/2013 15:52

My colleague just told me I am typing very loudly.... Blush

OP posts:
Original poster
doubleshotespresso · 27/06/2013 15:51

5th paragraph:
...while you clearly have tried so hard, I know these things an become stressful... Please be aware that some of the decisions made could potentially severed a valuable business contact. I count myself lucky that DDP is still willing to continue supporting me. He is though understandably devastated and if you could get friend to call him with a full apology that would be amazing-much appreciated thanks..

Then a smiley face!!!

OP posts:
SauceForTheGander · 27/06/2013 15:50

Oh my fucking fuck fuckster

The fucking bitch.

Ponders · 27/06/2013 15:50

sorry, double, but I am ROFLing at "first aunt"

surprised she didn't capitalise it

SoupDragon · 27/06/2013 15:49

Good lord.

Skin of a rhinoceros.

Original poster
doubleshotespresso · 27/06/2013 15:44

Ok yes I think we have final confirmation friends sister is indeed completely mental. Her message is lengthy and beyond reasonable human thought, my gut instinct is just to not respond at all... I think the one thing she will be most "baffled and offended" by is silence.

Here are a few snippets for you..... If you are reading this, now is a good time to go and make yourself a tea (Cammomile-you will need to calm down) and biscuits to keep you going....

The opening line:

I hope this message finds you well, I am given to understand you have assisted my sister in the face of her problems recently, Mum was really very delighted with all that you have done. . . She told me you guys had another loss recently (sorry to hear that), so thought my getting in contact might help... Am sure arranging baby parties is the last thing you want to be doing at the moment, I have professional experience in this sphere, so as babys first aunt am offering to take over from you-after all this is a family things ( is so complicated )and I am sure you need a break!"

3rd Paragraph:

....although DDP is now unavailable (damage has been done am afraid, I have tried) I am positive with my contacts list I will be able to salvage some of the plans, but friend has not answered my phone messages, so really need you to move on this for me please"

4th paragraph:

...it is imperative you let friend know how disappointing it is to not be welcome in her home for the celebrations....(where are you guys staying?)I am deeply baffled and offended here and I need you to let her know so we can iron out things before I arrive, I am uncomfortable to fly without her understanding this.... Of course she is probably stressed with baby stuff etc.... But I feel very unbalanced by all these changes being made without my knowledge, I am not used to this treatment but need discussion to get past this.....

I am very mindful that friends' baby should have the very best possible and will do all I am able to guarantee this happens as her first aunt..... It is not too late to make the appropriate return to the plans already agreed and discussed. Fortunately I am able to make this happen.

I.am.seething. Angry

OP posts:
becscertainstar · 27/06/2013 15:14

Wow - just read through thread. Congratulations on your engagement double you sound like a lovely person and I wish you well.

The Sis sounds like people I work with (I work in media...). This will have been a big ego trip for her - in her mind 'I'm doing my bit for my sister by putting her in touch with a planner and organising lovely gifts for her - aren't I fabulous?' Bit like my old work who filled our flat with flowers for our return from the hospital - but I mean FILLED - thirty designer bouquets from an 'exclusive' florist... - a gesture from the MD, which was the last thing I needed at the time of course as I struggled home knackered with a screaming baby. DH and I both have hayfever - so it's no surprise that DS did too - and we only own one vase.... And I had to say 'thank you' and what a wonderful thing he'd done. Bah. I know the type, believe me I do. If only someone had come over and helped with the washing up or made me a cup of tea.

I'd suggest something like 'Thanks for getting in touch. Your Sis is doing great, but obviously with a new baby she's really tired just like any new mother. It would definitely be better to stay with your Mum and Dad as your Sis and her DH are happily 'babymooning' - four is definitely a crowd when there's a new baby around! I think the party plans just got out of control. DPP is obviously perfect for you, but just wasn't a good fit for this low-key celebration amongst friends and family.'

But then I"m not as bad-ass as you. I want to be you. That Skype call sounded amazing. I can't even give my 7yo 'bare stress'. Blush

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn · 27/06/2013 15:13

I agree, talk to your friend's DH and discuss an appropriate response.

One thing is for sure, she's 100% in cloud cuckoo land. Do you think it's possible Fronk has been telling her what you said to him?

SauceForTheGander · 27/06/2013 15:04

Vanilla plans. So fucking rude.

And trying to suggest marital problems being the source of the change. Wow.

buildingmycorestrength · 27/06/2013 14:58

I'm astonished at the sister.Shock Agree you won't get far telling her any home truths.

Suggest something like,

'While we are all entitled to have an opinion, it is of course entirely a celebration of friend's baby's naming day, and the parents have taken the decisions which they felt were right. It is almost certainly in their best interests to allow them to shape the day as they see fit, and keep our opinions to ourselves.'

You avoid implying that she is the barking loon... while that would be blindingly obvious to bystanders.

Do tell friend's DH though and bcc him on your reply.

And really try to laugh at her and don't let her make you cross. She is beneath contempt.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 27/06/2013 14:41

I would tell your friends DH the lot and suggest that telling her to 'stay well away'... she's a bloody nightmare and she will spoil the day if she comes :(

...vanilla... I'd be twatting her over the head for that comment alone. Bitch.

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 27/06/2013 14:32

Oh my, I somehow missed a huge chunk of the thread last weekend!!!

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!

WOW, WOW & WOW - I am now sitting here with a few fat tears rolling down my cheeks - happy ones for you and some mixed ones for DP's inlaws who sound lovely... I hope they do feel able to attend your wedding - they seem to adore you, so I'm sure they will.

You really do sound utterly amazing - your DP, his kids & your friends are all very very lucky to have you!

EldritchCleavage · 27/06/2013 14:29

De-lurking to say I see a trap here, where sister engineers some kind of contretemps with you and tries to make you the bad guy, especially if she decides not to come.

You've actually nothing to gain by telling her any home truths, she won't accept them. Maybe just bat her off as neutrally as you can. I wouldn't tell friend I don't think, but perhaps do copy in her DH.

SauvignonBlanche · 27/06/2013 14:28

She's deranged! Angry

Thumbwitch · 27/06/2013 14:25

OMG. Seriously, this woman's head is so far up her own arse she can see the back of her own teeth.

"deeply baffled and offended" translates as "really fucked off that she hasn't got her finder's fee or her pick of the expensive gifts on the list that she created" - self-serving caaaah. Angry

Oh please please do put the rest on here when you can - I'm quite sure you don't need any help from us in responding appropriately, but whatever you do respond you should probably copy in her parents.

beginnings · 27/06/2013 14:21

May I suggest the following response:

"Hmm, interesting, thanks for that. Now, do feel free to piss off and get over yourself."

Bless her. I bet she spent aaggggessss composing it too.

SauceForTheGander · 27/06/2013 14:15

Holy crap.

I mean, where do we start?!

AlwaysReadyForABlether · 27/06/2013 14:15

I am sitting here open mouthed with shock and amazement at the pure front of this woman.
She obviously has absolutely no empathy with her sister and what she's been going through.
It really is all me, me, me. I can hardly believe she's real.

Original poster
doubleshotespresso · 27/06/2013 14:13

There is much more, am at work so will post more details in a bit.......

I am seeing such deep shades of red at the moment I have just almost drained the water fountain thing here. Oh dear God. Am not even going to tell friend this rubbish...

OP posts:
Original poster
doubleshotespresso · 27/06/2013 14:11

Oh yes she is coming.....

She basically wants my friend to apologise to her for "potentially severing a valuable business contact with no warning" and for "disregarding her time, plans and expertise without discussion" regarding the ceremony....

She feels "deeply baffled and offended" that she is unable to stay at friends house (for 3 weeks!), though her parents have plenty of room?
She then puts in brackets ( is all ok with friend and her DH?, maybe this is why I do not know).

OP posts:
AlwaysReadyForABlether · 27/06/2013 14:11

I suppose it's too much to hope that those thoughts and feelings are how sorry she is for being a right pain in the ass and making this all about her instead of her sister?
Yes, thought so!

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 27/06/2013 14:07

Oh god she's a self indulgent pain in the arse isn't she!!

C&P - then we can help you more! Also, I just need to see quite how barking she is Grin

Swipe left for the next trending thread