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Original poster

To be miffed at "Gift list for mother of the baby" enclosed in *Baby naming ceremony* invitation?

992 replies

doubleshotespresso · 12/06/2013 23:38

So some close friends (who married in church), but now claim to be atheist are holding a naming ceremony for their 8 month old first baby in an hotel.....

The invitation is beautiful with a map, timings "event closes at 11pm"?

The gift list ranges from £30-to £300, all items for the mother, cosmetics, trinkets, jewellery, pampering breaks, personalised hand-bound stationery and photo albums...

Anybody know the drill for these naming ceremonies? Are we supposed to guess a gift for the baby? Or just congratulate the mother for deciding on a name?

I have read this a dozen times and am staggered beyond belief-DP read it and fell into hysterics....

My gut tells me to go along with Jo Malone scented nappies or something.

Somebody please tell me this is not normal?!?!?!

OP posts:
Original poster
doubleshotespresso · 13/06/2013 17:23

mumngran You know what? You are onto something here. We are close enough friends for me to broach this subject with her I think without losing the friendship. We have been there for each other in equal measure in good times and in bad....

I might just do that whilst our boys are football training on Saturday.

OP posts:
skyeskyeskye · 13/06/2013 17:22

When we registered DD's birth, the registrar gave us a leaflet on a baby naming ceremony - the "Civil Wedding equivalent of a Christening" was how she put it....

We had a Christening for DD because a family member had previously lost a little girl aged 3, who had to be Christened on her deathbed or else she could not be buried in consecrated ground in the churchyard. I vowed there and then that any child of mine would be Christened.

We certainly didn't put out a gift list, people bought a little gift, the usual things of ornaments or money boxes or gave money, which was entirely their choice. But to have a gift list for the mother Shock - that is just unbelievable!

Original poster
doubleshotespresso · 13/06/2013 17:20

littlepeapod OMG! Where do these people find their nerve? Wow.

OP posts:
Original poster
doubleshotespresso · 13/06/2013 17:18

Wow. I had not expected this thread to become so heated!

Just got in from work/ school run so will answer a few queries....

No this is not a joke, I sit here at my desk with the invitation and gift list propped up in front of me. It reads like a society wedding nvitation complete with guidelines for the use of cameras and social media during the event.

The couple in question had what I would call a high-end and very tasteful wedding, they did have a gift list yes, but far less grabby and with typical John Lewis type items, most reasonably priced. It was a fun and personal to them day....

I come from a background where you have a Christening to welcome the baby to the world and the family and invite everybody to the family home for an afternoon tea, maybe Champagne type of affair.

I did not mean a naming ceremony was inferior, no it would not ever be an option for us but just down to personal beliefs etc.

We would never enclose a gift list , it would not occur to us.

So to answer a few more queries, yes I spoke to two other invited guests this afternoon who are both equally blown away by the grabby nature of this and also the prices of things requested. They and their families face the same dilemma as us. Go along, grin and bear it or politely decline? Nobody wants to offend and I feel strongly the baby in question who ought to be the focus of all this is being largely forgotten. She has a sister who moved a few years ago to Australia and one friend believes the suggestion may have come from there.

The event itself yes appears to be based on a wedding reception, Champagne reception and hot fork buffet (Yes I hate them too-either pay for a meal or don't) . Arrangements for drinks later is unclear.

There appears to be lots of "entertainment" scheduled throughout the evening and I know that there will be up to 40 children 10 years and under attending. What they are supposed to do up until 11pm is also unclear.

DP has said today: "I'm not arsed either way really, if you think we should go just let me know? Do I have to wear a suit? Oh and we are not paying for anything other than for the baby if we do go...

Still deciding to be honest..... But have literally spat my tea out at some ofbyour wonderful suggestions! Please keep 'em coming, but please let's steer clear of arguements based on chavvy things, this has been fun so far, help me focus on what to do instead please! Confused

OP posts:
LittlePeaPod · 13/06/2013 17:16

Oh my god! That raised a smile... No advise for you OP but if it helps listen to this wedding request we got in a wedding invite which i am currently cribbing from.....

On this day, Our special day. We do not know how to say. We have a house and contents too. So presents really wouldn't do. But if a gift you'd like to bring. Then money would be just the thing (no gift cards etc.). We hope this does not cause offence. In our case it makes more sense

I particularly like the brackets specificity no gift cards etc. Grin ha ha ha ha

DF has refused and insists we are buying a present.... Some people just have no shame!

saulaboutme · 13/06/2013 17:08

Wow this is the best one yet!
Flaming cheek. I'd be tempted to send an rsvp saying" pmsl" but that would be the end of the friendship...

MumnGran · 13/06/2013 16:58

Actually, have had a rethink and if they are genuinely close friends - as per the OP - then I would call in for a coffee and ask her what THAT LIST is all about.
I would certainly ask close friends of mine if they did something so abnormal strange rude unusual

Elquota · 13/06/2013 16:49

The purpose of a Christening is to formally welcome someone into the church family. Contrary to popular belief, it's not a naming ceremony - the child already has a name. The baby is addressed by name at the point when s/he is about to be baptised.

A Christening can obviously take place without any particular guests or presents, as I'm sure a naming ceremony could.

Cravey · 13/06/2013 16:45

Thanks for the apology I was sitting on my hands waiting for it. In all seriousness I don't like them or christenings. Both IMO are a load of old tosh and yes I feel naming days etc are slightly chavvy. However that's just my opinion and if invited wouldn't go. Simple as. If you like them that's your choice. As I unlike some on here respect that choice totally. Op go along with your gift it sounds lovely. If the mother doesn't like it then show her this thread.

AntoinetteCosway · 13/06/2013 16:42

Unbelievable!! Please go, just so you can report back. Don't take a bloody present though...

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/06/2013 16:24

Bugger - italicisation fail.

spondulix · 13/06/2013 16:23

"it's my opinion no judgement"

Calling someone's choice 'chavvy' or 'idiotic' seems a leetle judgemental to me. Just my opinion.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/06/2013 16:23

Cravey - when you said "Also would like to point out that a naming ceremony is a made up thing that is in no way equivalent to a christening. It was made up for people who want a party and all the gifts. Simple.", I read that as you stating a fact (it didn't come over as you just stating your opinion). However, if this was not your intention, I apologise for misinterpreting what you wrote.

spatchcock · 13/06/2013 16:18

"Also would like to point out that a naming ceremony is a made up thing that is in no way equivalent to a christening. It was made up for people who want a party and all the gifts. Simple."

"Also re the fact that they are made up things I would like to clarify that christening s are also a made up service for the masses that choose to believe in whatever."

So they are equivalent then?

Cravey · 13/06/2013 16:08

Yep it's my opinion no judgement however, as for being rude when I was told to bugger off then I defended myself. Ad yes I know it's not a fact people have the ceremony just for the presents I said that it seemed the op friend was though. Read the threads properly maybe next time. Oh and maybe get off your high horse before you fall. Also re the fact that they are made up things I would like to clarify that christening s are also a made up service for the masses that choose to believe in whatever. I don't like those either.

Lavenderhoney · 13/06/2013 15:56

I've never heard of a naming ceremony. I would just take along the gifts you have already bought, with a nice note saying you bought them before the list came, and would she like to come for lunch soon?

Is there nothing for the dh? I would just ignore the list of treats for her tbh. Seems very odd. Whoever suggested it to her and agreed it was a good idea clearly doesn't like her much it seems to me.

mumaa · 13/06/2013 15:40

Not normal and not something i have EVER heard of.

Either decline, or go with a gift for the baby - for whom the event is supposed to be surely?!

If comments are made say you presumed the gift list was optional - weird!

ubik · 13/06/2013 15:37

also the whole 'baby shower' thing which is supposed to be a party organised by your female friends where you can giggle and coo over babygros or something according to some American films I have watched

a friend was invited to a baby shower in Mamas and Papas complete with guest list, warm asti spumante and bowls of twiglets Shock

ubik · 13/06/2013 15:34

i think a naming ceremony is a lovely idea

i think a gift list for mother and/or baby is crass and grasping

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/06/2013 15:31

Also, Cravey - it is not a 'fact' that people only have naming ceremonies just for the party and the presents - it is just your opinion. Of course you are entitled to your opinion, but unless you can produce evidence to back up that claim, you cannot say it is a fact.

wickeddevil · 13/06/2013 15:30

Council offered to hold a naming ceremony when we registered dd's birth. TBH I thought it was an attempt by them to raise revenue in these straightened times.
I didn't realise people actually went along with it....
And to think of the pressies I missed Envy

spatchcock · 13/06/2013 15:29

Love how Cravey has stated that naming ceremonies are a 'made up' thing. Not like Christenings, which are based on the solid scientific fact of religion. Arf!

LondonJax · 13/06/2013 15:23

To be honest most ceremonies of any sort are attention seeking - after all, to get married you only need two witnesses, for a child to be Christened you only need the parents and Godparents present and at our son's thanksgiving we could have just had us! But I don't know many people who limit their celebration to the absolute minimum. I've been to Christenings where I know the parents will not set foot inside a Church again until their child marries - unless it's by invitation. And that's fine. It's not my business and I'm happy to welcome their child - it's a happy time.

And what's wrong with people who have a naming ceremony? Most are being honest enough to say they want to celebrate without making a false promise.

ithaka · 13/06/2013 15:15

I don't think a Naming Ceremony is 'chavvy' - but then, I dislike the use of the word 'chavvy' as to me it has connotations of class hatred.

We had a 'Naming Ceremony' for our last child. We are atheists, so didn't do anything for the first two. However, the third was born after our middle child died and it really needed to be marked in the family and shared with the children, as part of the grief process. Or maybe we are chavs - who cares?

Anyway, whether it is a naming ceremony or christening is irrelevant to the oddness of a gift list for one parent, on a occasion intended to celebrate a child.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 13/06/2013 15:14

Sorry - that should be Cravey - iPad autocorrect strikes again.

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