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Original poster

To be miffed at "Gift list for mother of the baby" enclosed in *Baby naming ceremony* invitation?

992 replies

doubleshotespresso · 12/06/2013 23:38

So some close friends (who married in church), but now claim to be atheist are holding a naming ceremony for their 8 month old first baby in an hotel.....

The invitation is beautiful with a map, timings "event closes at 11pm"?

The gift list ranges from £30-to £300, all items for the mother, cosmetics, trinkets, jewellery, pampering breaks, personalised hand-bound stationery and photo albums...

Anybody know the drill for these naming ceremonies? Are we supposed to guess a gift for the baby? Or just congratulate the mother for deciding on a name?

I have read this a dozen times and am staggered beyond belief-DP read it and fell into hysterics....

My gut tells me to go along with Jo Malone scented nappies or something.

Somebody please tell me this is not normal?!?!?!

OP posts:
Gooseysgirl · 15/06/2013 06:56

This all makes a lot of sense now doesn't it! The planner must be totally bonkers and definitely needs to get the boot...

LittleBearPad · 15/06/2013 06:33

Bless her. The planner should definitely be sacked. He's certainly not very good at his job if he thinks this was appropriate. Glad she's with you.

LoveBeingUpAt4InTheMorning · 15/06/2013 05:34

Well done op

MammaTJ · 15/06/2013 05:10

Oh I am so pleased you have managed to sort it all out and look after your friend in such a lovely way.

GiraffesAndButterflies · 15/06/2013 04:56

Bloody idiot planner needs a good lecture IMO! Obviously it's unintentional, but look at the harm he's done. Angry Surely the whole point of hiring one is to avoid shit like this.

Your poor friend is very lucky to have you OP.

KalevalaForMePlease · 15/06/2013 04:44

Aww, that's lovely, what a great friend you are. Sounds like she needs a break and a chance to clear her head. I bet it'll be a lovely day now and you'll both have a good laugh about this in the future!

Lavenderhoney · 15/06/2013 04:22

what a great friend you are- she is very lucky to have you.

totally agree to sack the planner and not pay them of course. I doubt they'd ever get work again if you named and shamed them! I still think its a very odd thing to do, the party planner sounds mad or very inexperienced or both.

could it cancelled and replaced with something round Christmas? unless that might look even more suspiciously expectant:)

or keep to October and I think a letter or card with " please disregard present list it was a mix up by the party planner who I have sacked, please just bring yourselves and good wishes and joy for the baby' should go out as well as a phone call to everyone just to be clear.

MumnGran · 15/06/2013 03:59

Brilliant news Double, and sounds as though you handled it perfectly. Am a huge believer in honesty being the best policy, and it seems as though - in this case - it has really let you come to the rescue of someone who obviously is a real friend.

Poor girl ....she will spend years recovering from feeling like a "doughnut", but I suspect will also be eternally grateful that you were honest and supportive when she really needed someone on her side particularly as the families seem to have just caused upset rather than helping with the root problem

Result!! (and now you can give the baby gift with no angst!!)

BridgetBidet · 15/06/2013 01:24

I thought this was going to be a really horrible thread. In fact it has turned out to be a totally lovely one. Flowers

SirBoobAlot · 15/06/2013 01:18

Oh bless her. You sound like a fantastic friend.

Original poster
doubleshotespresso · 15/06/2013 01:07

Yes we have laughed already. Her relief was tangible. I think this was a train she felt she could not bring to a stop if you know what I mean?

Fwiw I thnik anybody invited will probably have a good giggle and then feel for a new Mum who clearly hs herself in a bit of a state through lack of sleep....

Oh and unless he adopts, the planner is unlikely to have kids. As camp as Christmas apparently. I think the list was for him!

Goodnight all and thanks for the posts...

OP posts:
Thesunalwayshinesontv · 15/06/2013 01:01

Brilliant. You are a good friend. She's lucky to have you.

Poor thing. Hope she feels better about it soon, and doesn't let this mar the occasion. Best way about this kind of thing is humour, I think.

Bet that event organiser has no kids!

spondulix · 15/06/2013 00:45

Sounds like an excellent plan. Your friend is very lucky to have you on board. She is going to feel a million times better once those notes go out.

Flowers for both of you. Hope you have a nice weekend.

Original poster
doubleshotespresso · 15/06/2013 00:37

Ok back sorry...

So I am collecting her, baby and DSS in the morning ans she will stay with us untilmTuesday when her DH returns from business...... She needs a break and a breather from the house.

We will contact the planner who sounds insane. Changes will be made. Then I will help her word a note to all guests which will basically explain all to them and inform them to disregard the bonkers gift list.... She just wants it to be "a nce day where everybody can meet and share with us and the baby"....

Then she will call in-laws (who are outraged apparently) and explain all the above. then she will go to bed and rest and we can watch over baby and entertain DSS.

Hopefully we can avert any purchases from the list and have time to make some changes and I think sack theplanner. My DP has filled in her DH and he is delighted they are with us for the next few days and was unaware of all the circus type details.

I feel relieved to have not lost the friendship and that Inam able to help her correct things before the big (or not so big) day.....

OP posts:
spondulix · 15/06/2013 00:18

What was that event organiser thinking?!

spondulix · 15/06/2013 00:08

Oh no, poor woman :(

Cuddlydragon · 15/06/2013 00:03

Oh dear, it all sounds so out of control. Would it be possible for your friend to just cancel. She can then do something more baby focused at another time?

RedToothBrush · 14/06/2013 23:59

Well, it sounds like she needs support and to have someone help her to tell the dick of an event planner to do one.

I think you done good challenging her actually, since this is very clearly about far more than the gift list.

Xiaoxiong · 14/06/2013 23:56

If I were her I'd be ringing everyone on the guest list asking them to ignore the gift list, there was a mix-up and they don't actually need any gifts but any already purchased would be gratefully received, or would just like books for baby or a charitable donation if a gift is really necessary.

Not sure what they can do about the rest of the plans though, I wonder how set in stone everything is at this point.

Xiaoxiong · 14/06/2013 23:51

Oh dear oh dear...your poor friend!! Well, the one good thing is that you and anyone who knows her already knew this was out of character and will now not be surprised to hear that someone else, her sister in this case, is behind this.

KalevalaForMePlease · 14/06/2013 23:50

Oh dear, your poor friend! I can so imagine her getting talked into something and then just losing all control, especially if others are involved. It's a bit like My Big Fat Greek Wedding! Maybe you could take the piss a bit, try and get her to see the funny side?

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 14/06/2013 23:49

Aww bless her! Smile

Original poster
doubleshotespresso · 14/06/2013 23:47

Just returned home a while ago ans thought i would update you all...

Talked to my friend, she has employed the services of an Event Co-ordinator and he compiled the list on her behalf.

He was found for her by her sister who runs businesses here and in Australia and uses him frequently. Her sister suggested the gift list and it has already provoked heated reactions from their own family (glad I am not alone.) We talked at length and she admitted she is very overwhelmed at the moment with being a new Mum, DH being away for spells on business and organising this. She followed the plans suggested by her sister, and confided that the whole thing has become a circus she is uncomfortable with but that she went along with the plans blindly as he was "so enthusiastic". And then the fatal question dropped: "so what do you think?"

My heart jumped to my throat... I answered honestly, but diplomatically. Said out of personal preference I would probably choose something less along the lines of a wedding reception, maybe have an afternoon tea type thing, that the gift list was not something I would do.... I would keep my focus on the baby in question..... And just leave gifts upto the guests... But said the important thing that she and DH are happy with the day.....
It is heir baby and they should deide on the celebrations....

And then the crying started......... And went on and on.......

And she said "I've been a complete doughnut haven't I? People must think I'm a right cow"

More to follow.... i need coffee!

OP posts:
HappyMummyOfOne · 14/06/2013 18:00

OMG, thats on a par with expecting guests to fund your honeymoon!

Not keen on Christenings though as most are about other things than actually the christian side and a naming ceremony is just a party and present p excuse as everyone names their child!

pigletmania · 14/06/2013 16:51

Yes cereal disguse it as something, say you must have another list as surely a baby cannot possibly need candlestick holders or a fancy wallet, so can't be right Wink