To be miffed at "Gift list for mother of the baby" enclosed in *Baby naming ceremony* invitation?

Well friend and her DH are due to speak I think either tonight or tomorrow... We are not yet at all sure how much input she had.... But the very idea of the gift list was offensive enough on its own really I think and she has told friends mother that it is a very common practice these days...

Nobody I know thinks it is anything short of shocking and an utter cheek...

Friends DH feels strongly he wants to take this further and prevent anybody else being so badly treated in the future.... We have yet to research the best way forward if at all....

Oscalito charlatan is a very apt word to describe him, I have never come across anybody so deluded and over the top. I imagine he would be too much even for a Hollywood ALister.... The theatrics and attitude are so jaw dropping I would believe anyone that told me he is some sort of sick joke.... Just unbelievable and not at all human....

So the email received today from the DDP was addressed to me (I have to write this to you as you seem to have taken over from me and *(friend) will not return my calls. we requested this as at the start of this friend was too wrecked and emotional to stand up to him and I think embarrassed, so she and her DH asked me to act on their behalf

He dithered on, basically reluctantly "acknowledged" the fact we had cancelled his services and referred to this in the email as "a unique and regrettable occurrence I am unused to...... Nobody has ever cancelled me".

He goes on to reiterate that the event if held without him will be "inferior in presentation and lacking the wow factor"....

Then he uses friends' sister to excuse his "additional added items as I know very well how she likes things to be done and she informed me you would be very happy with her choices and suggestions. Regretfully I am unable to now issue her the finders fee".....

He goes on to say how "inconvenient it is to cancel these things now, my suppliers admire my reputation and will be disappointed too". No s* Sherlock at their prices!

It goes on, quite self-indulgent, we have clearly wounded his bonkers ego and he uses the sister as a defence for pretty much all our quibbles unasked/unauthorised and expensive flowers and entertainment

He requests to speak to friends DH to arrange refund as he would prefer not to talk to me or my friend again..... feeling is mutual DDP

Then he closes with this:

" please note you have chosen to end this arrangement and as a goodwill gesture the requested deposit of £sssss will be returned on a strictly one off basis. My assistant and I will contact ** (friends' sister in Oz) to reassure her she can still enjoy top class events as always before. However, I will be unable to assist you with any future business or events queries due to creative differences and a pleasant working method. I think you understand this and respect my wishes.
I politely request that following this message and the deposit refund telephone call there be no further correspondence as I am very busy with my other clients who are all happy with the service I deliver to them."

So there you go people...... Make what you will of it, I have read and re-read it umpteen times now, discussed at length with friend, friends mother, her DH and my DP. It is inconceivable to me that anybody with the money to pay this guy would actually hie him. He behaves like a very awkward comedy character.... Clearly we are all relieved, but also rattled at the tone of the above email.

It does not at any stage mention the baby all this fuss was for and reads in full as if he has done us all a huge favour.

I have had 3 glasses of red wine tonight and am trying to stay awake until I have drunk enough water to go to bed.

DP taking boys to football in morning so I can have a lie-in, so am staying awake late just because I can...... Not a very rock n roll Friday night, but it is today a wonderful feeling!

DP and I are off to friends tomorrow afternoon (post footie) to join them and both sets of their parents for dinner. Think they are making the gesture as FDH told DP he wants us there whatever time we can make it.

Looking forward to it and my bed!

Thanks everybody, I have been literally floating since getting the news..... I was very determined, but never imagined at all that now officially DDP would return the deposit so swiftly or without a fight. Friend was beyond ecstatic when she rang to tell me, I was at work and had to go and walk around the block to compose myself I was so elated.....

So we really are now very close to haing what I now understand to be a relatively normal Naming Ceremony and our friends and their baby will have the day they are happy with and will hopefully remember for all the right reasons.....

thumbwitch and K8middleton thanks for the flowers!

Mumngran well it was not clear cut and I did not want to say before on here, but was really worried about the contract thing.
Friend had been issued with but (thank God) not signed and returned the contract (she couldnt work her printer!)... However, a lot of the services of the planner were detailed (by the very astute hotel manager who clearly saw red flags) in the hotel agreement of which DDP had a copy....

Friend then also paid the deposit over the phone under pressure from DDP to commit to the date and planning I discovered and the email receipt (I requested) stated it was non-refundable.

So legally (have googled and made the ears of a soilcitor friend through work bleed) we were on stronger but flaky ground..... Had lots of ideas of how to deal with it when this blew up and put them all to DP and friends DH in late night crisis talks.... And plumped for the following....... Hope I do not get flamed for my methods, but felt so strongly about my frined being exploited went ahead. Now the money is returned I guess telling you will not jinx things....

Had the now famous skype session with DDP who flat refused to return monies or be cancelled upon. So I constructed and sent recorded delivery our termination letter, which basically dispensed of his services and expressed our intention to take him to a small claims court if we received no response or money within 10 days.

Here is the bit I felt uneasy with... I opened a fresh email account and used DPs business address to send a more formal, more direct legal sounding letter and signed off as friends legal representative. Am aware that posing as a lawyer is illegal but did not refer to myself as qualified or anything etc, just inferred I was offering tentative advice and was hopeful that this would enable DDP to bring matter to a close swiftly amd amicably. (Was designed to put a rocket up him and demonstrate we were serious, we had a soilcitor in mind if he failed to pay up,later) .This is the email (sent hard copy too recorded which he received yesterday)he responded to this morning, so it seems to have worked. Opened at work and had to text instructions to friends DH as to what to say on phone and insist on card refund instead of a cheque we were worried may never clear....

Have learnt that with a bit of googling and sheer determination that throwing in specific legal phrases and jargon really helps when you need a good response from "difficult" business people.

Just realised how long this lost is but figured that many of you would be interested to read exactly how we managed to get the refund.... I have been so edgy since sending both letters and yet so determined that good would overcome all of this. Am still smiling to myself as I type it, I am staring to believe it now....

So there you go, will post details of the yes cringeworthy and frankly damned cheeky final email from DDP in a while....

experimental not a chance. My skype rant is now wiped from DSDs ipad and the ony remaining version is with DP and a memory stick which is now at the bottom of my handbag......

More in a bit ........

Well I never!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guess who paid back their deposit IN FULL this morning........

Friend just called to confirm the money has been refunded to the card and she is now officially free of the planner. And the sodding gift list.....

Just had to nip out the office to grab a celebratory latte (yes & muffin) and to update you all.....

Back with full details later as there is final email from him I am currently absorbing.... But whoah- I did not believe this would get paid back without a fight. Wow. Just wow.