I've just cupped my CO's penis by accident.

Jeez Talc, you absolutely crack me up

DH has just had to remove iPad from my hands to discover the reason for his wife's collapse, snorting, crying and wheezing

Look, at least you have a passing familiarity with the chap you cupped.

I was in the supermarket with DH a few years ago and he was being a twat, nudging me when I was leaning over into fridges and so on, so I thought that the next time he did it I would grasp his bollocks.

Well, I was leaning over into the mixed veg when I felt him nudge my arse more strongly than normal, so I swung my free arm backwards to give a nudge which was harder than I thought and as I made contact with the testicular area, he spoke.

From three fridges further up and on the other side of the fucking aisle! I think I went white then red then white again at this poor chap who had just had a punch in his nadgers.

I muttered sorry and ran off, leaving the freezer area immediately, DH following.

I groped my midwife .

She was quite large of breast, and when she was fiddling with the blood-pressure cuff, she got a bit too close.

I am the least tactile person ever, and when I realised there was a breast practically in my hand I tried to move away, but ended up doing a weird stroke/cuppy thing.

Sadly in my panic we did make eye contact..

I'm surprised my blood-pressure reading didn't see me admitted with suspected pre-eclampsia

Admiral In fact to all of you accidental cuppers and plungers

This is genius. Classics please!!!

I thought it was bad enough being out in a wheelchair, and constantly at crotch height.

I have nominated this for Classics. :)

Oh my god. You lot have made me wake up the baby! I've been laughing so much but when I try to keep it in I sound like Muttley.

BC There was some muttering and mumbling followed by some shuffling off (all by my boss not my fouff) and the incident was never spoken of again

The only option I can see going forward is he gives you a pay rise as I'm quite sure that wasn't in your original job description. ;) XXX

Forgot to say, it's become the stuff of legend at work. The rumour "he's gifted in more than just the Finance dept" has been oft quoted .

My father once smacked my mother on the bum, then turned to see mum in the doorway smiling.

Her sister is the same height and build, same hairdresser and they shop for clothes together.

He'd just given his SIL a hearty pat.

Hahaha cupping bollocks, suckling earlobes,groping train users and fannys in the face - only on mumsnet i have wept

OP, I share your pain...I accidentally cupped the FD's balls at the Christmas do two years ago. Naturally I told everyone as I was pissed! He and I now have an 'understanding' and funnily enough get on like a house on fire. He knows that I know that he knows that I know...if you know what I mean . He's also not unattractive!

I dont really want to admit this but was sorting the milk at work (supermarket) turned round quickly and immediately got a face full of some lady's breasts. I was mortified,she seemed less bothered though and we both quickly shuffled off in opposite directions.

That doctor in the military hospital is probably looking forward to working somewhere less dangerous...

I have never accidentally groped, cupped, manhandled or otherwise touched up another human being.

I need to go back to work. Being a SAHM is great and everything but you're rather limited with regards to accidental cupping opportunities. There's the postman of course with his sack and packets and the butcher with his tenderloin but in 6yrs of motherhood, it just hasn't happened.

This is just too funny - diagrams and all!!!

Jamdoughnut "face planted into the chairman's groin"
hahahahahahahahahahahaha.

I know the seat in the London cabs of which you speak and I can just picture this happening!!! I would have melted.

I have cupped a few times Worst was walking into the station, just in front of a group of 20yo men (or so). I tripped over my own feet and literally scrabbled in mid air, catching hold of a man's wotsits on a backwards swing, and kind of grasping it as if it was a hand to pull myself up. I ended up on my knees on the station floor, with a well tugged poor man's privates held tightly in one arm.

I hurried off and caught my tube train but told it to a colleague (why?) and from his look of pure, abject terror, I am sure it must have hurt a lot.

If you had your bits pulled about three years ago in a station, by a tripping woman, - I'm very, very sorry.

This reminded me of a bollockcupping incident with a doctor...

dd (15mo) was very very ill and had been throwing up everything we gave her, even water, so NHS direct referred us to the hospital, which has recently become a military hospital. In walks a rather tasty doctor in military uniform, and just as he position himself directly in front of me to listen to dd (sat on my lap) with his stethoscope, she decides this is the moment to make a miraculous recovery and dive for the floor. Cue me flinging BOTH hands forward and sort of dual handedly grabbing for his crotch

unfortunately, dds godmother was with me and also lunged forward to catch her, ending up smacking his arse in the process....

Outing myself to anyone who knows me, I was once stuck in a black cab with the chairman and CEO of the huge company I worked for at the time. I was on the flip down seat, chatting away and the cab driver accelerated and then breaked sharply, i wasn't holding on, so flew forwards and I face planted into the chairmans groin [dies of shame reliving it] and my friend that was in the cab with me practically wet herself and just said to me "shame that is so embaressing!!" No shit! - I'd take a bollockcup any day....

The comparison between the newborn grasping reflex and Matilda's commuter cupping reflex has me in fits of silent hysterics