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This is my very last resort - ideas needed to help me find my dad, brothers and sisters

668 replies

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 30/05/2013 20:30

I haven't seen my Dad for over 25 years, my Mum left him and then came in with another bloke one day and informed us that this was our new Dad and that was that.

She won't give me his proper name but I know the name everyone called him and he was well known where he lived, she won't tell me where and when he was born, in fact we no longer speak so I'm never likely to be able to find the information out at all now all I know is he lived in a little Lincolnshire village.

About 16 years ago she did manage to track a phone number down for him (after years of harrassment) and I had a brief conversation with him but she decided she didn't like it and burned the number and his address that I had written down as well as the phone bill.

Back when I spoke to him he was waiting for pretty major surgery on his heart so I'm not even sure if he is alive now and if he is he is in his 70s and when we spoke he did tell me I had brothers and sisters (he said all in all he had 16 children by goodness knows how many women) but I don't know their names apart from a brother I had who died and three older sisters I have whos names are my middle names (although one of them died as well I don't know which one).

I have tried the salvation army, trawled through public records (which is hard because I only know the shortened version of his name not the full name) called local pubs and shops where he used to live some of who knew him but didn't know where he was now and the local police station who couldn't do anything to help, as well as going on missing people and family tree and similar websites.

What else can I do? I feel like there is a huge part of my history I don't know and I would like to even just know if he is alive or not and maybe try to track down his other children. There is also the fact that my sister died from SIDS before I was born (according to my Mother) as did my son and I had a daughter who died from a genetic illness which there is no trace of on my Mothers side of the family and I would like to know my family history from his side to be able to tell my children.

Could someone give me any more ideas of what I can do to try and find out where he is or is it a lost cause? I don't know where to turn anymore its like banging my head off a brick wall and I'm just about ready to give up Sad

Hello everyone,
To retain some RL privacy, we've edited out some names and replaced them with a B. Hope this has no effect on reading this amazing thread.
Thanks.
MNHQ

OP posts:
BOF · 11/06/2013 15:17

I think this is the happiest thread I've ever read Grin.

GoSuckEggs · 11/06/2013 15:13

WOW!!! how great! i am so glad you found your family. MN is truely fab some times!

LoopyLooplaHoop · 11/06/2013 14:51

:)

Monty27 · 11/06/2013 14:45

Flowers :)

BoreOfWhabylon · 11/06/2013 14:41

and Grin

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 11/06/2013 14:39

Thank you Grin

All the MNers who helped me track down my Dad (and a million other relatives) really deserve this to be in classics so everyone can see just how lovely they all are forever more.

Oh, and, I JUST SPOKE TO MY DAD he was looking at pictures of me as a youngster while I was on the phone and filled in a whole lot of blanks for me and we were both sobbing.

I'll bet he is so glad his emotional mess of a daughter has got back in touch with him and cried at him for 20 minutes Grin

Once again I can't thank you all enough Thanks

OP posts:
RowanMumsnet · 11/06/2013 14:20

Hello

Just to let you know, now that Missy has withdrawn some of the posts containing a bit TMI, we've moved this to Classics.

CiderwithBuda · 11/06/2013 12:53

Another lurked here. Brilliant thread. Finally a use for the nosiness of MNers!Grin

I wish you all the best with your new found family and hope they are all you want them to be.

MissStrawberry · 11/06/2013 12:40

Oh my!!

So pleased for you and I just know you are going to have a happy ending.

KateSMumsnet · 11/06/2013 12:37

What a luffly thread! We've been asked by MissyMoo if we could remove some posts, as there's obviously quite a lot of identifying and personal info on here - so your post may go poof!

Congrats and Brew all round!

ChippingInWiredOnCoffee · 11/06/2013 11:02

Oh wow - I have just read the whole thread (well, not really actually, I have just read all of your posts and a few of other peoples). That is so exciting!!! I am really, really made up for you.

I hope it goes well when you meet your Dad :) but if he turns out to be a complete nightmare at least you will still have done it, know more than you did before and have more family than you know what to do with!!

Really, really thrilled for you :)
x

RedundantExpat · 11/06/2013 10:25

So lovely for you! You will need a spreadsheet now ...

Anjou · 11/06/2013 10:24

So pleased to read your good news, Missy! Thank you for sharing your updates with us. Have a wonderful time catching up with your father and (bloody hell! 75?!!) cousins! I wish you lots of happy times with your new extended family. Smile

SixPackWellies · 11/06/2013 10:12

I have been lurking and am so so so delighted for you!

Frikadellen · 11/06/2013 10:08

Awww this is such wonderful news :)

Nicolaeus · 11/06/2013 10:05

Fucking hell this is AMAZING!

I lurked on your thread at first and saw lots of good ideas but this is just fantastic.

So pleased for you. And so nice to know your dad went looking for you - at least you know he wants to see you!!!!

Summerloading · 11/06/2013 09:59

Wow - so happy for you Smile

SisterMatic · 11/06/2013 09:52

I am so happy for you, I have just shared the outcome of your story to my family who are sat here and there have been lots of 'awwws' and amazement at the power of MN Grin

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 11/06/2013 09:51

Thank you again everyone Grin I'm still smiling, and I barely slept last night my mind is buzzing with a million different things.

MrsC I am so very grateful that you helped me search for my family, and to everyone else who helped and posted wishing me luck and sent me messages and shared their stories with me an gave me advice and MissMarple who was on the case in bassingham for me and everything else that the wonderful MNers on this thread have done. The kindness that has been shown to me and effort that people have made to help me is something I will never forget.

I still can't believe it, for nearly 2 weeks there have been bits and pieces of the puzzle being found and then I post all the bits of information on a FB group (recommended by Viva ) and my second cousin (I think) recognises him within about 2 minutes and 5 minutes after that I'm speaking to her dad (my cousin) and he is telling me about Uncle Joey and popping out to see him for me.

I am eagerly awaiting a phonecall (that won't happen for hours yet I imagine, I pity and sales people calling me today) and I will let you all know how it goes.

Now, I have another lost family member, if anyone could help me track down my second cousin twice removeds address and phone number I would be most grateful, his name is Gerard Butler Grin Grin Grin

OP posts:
TerraNotSoFirma · 11/06/2013 09:42

Just read this thread this morning, WHAT AN OUTCOME :)
Shedding happy tears for you OP, can't wait to read more.

MrsCosmopilite · 11/06/2013 09:11

What a wonderful outcome, Missy - sorry I couldn't find more when I was searching, but I am so glad that you have been able to locate your family!

Hopefully the catching up will be informative, and enjoyable. Don't forget to get pictures! You'll have to start drawing up your family tree - that IS something I can help with, if you need. :)

BewitchedBotheredandBewildered · 11/06/2013 09:02

TRF I've asked them to do just that, it's too good to let it go.

TheRealFellatio · 11/06/2013 05:12

I wonder if some kind person at MNHQ with too much time on their hands could go through the thread and edit it a bit so that the surname and anything very specific that might compromise an individual's privacy could be changed to XXXX, and then this thread could go in classics? It really deserves to be there.

LaVitaBellissima · 10/06/2013 23:59

Huge Congratulations xx

cosysocks · 10/06/2013 23:53

What an amazing Thread!!! Well done Mumsnet.