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This is my very last resort - ideas needed to help me find my dad, brothers and sisters

668 replies

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 30/05/2013 20:30

I haven't seen my Dad for over 25 years, my Mum left him and then came in with another bloke one day and informed us that this was our new Dad and that was that.

She won't give me his proper name but I know the name everyone called him and he was well known where he lived, she won't tell me where and when he was born, in fact we no longer speak so I'm never likely to be able to find the information out at all now all I know is he lived in a little Lincolnshire village.

About 16 years ago she did manage to track a phone number down for him (after years of harrassment) and I had a brief conversation with him but she decided she didn't like it and burned the number and his address that I had written down as well as the phone bill.

Back when I spoke to him he was waiting for pretty major surgery on his heart so I'm not even sure if he is alive now and if he is he is in his 70s and when we spoke he did tell me I had brothers and sisters (he said all in all he had 16 children by goodness knows how many women) but I don't know their names apart from a brother I had who died and three older sisters I have whos names are my middle names (although one of them died as well I don't know which one).

I have tried the salvation army, trawled through public records (which is hard because I only know the shortened version of his name not the full name) called local pubs and shops where he used to live some of who knew him but didn't know where he was now and the local police station who couldn't do anything to help, as well as going on missing people and family tree and similar websites.

What else can I do? I feel like there is a huge part of my history I don't know and I would like to even just know if he is alive or not and maybe try to track down his other children. There is also the fact that my sister died from SIDS before I was born (according to my Mother) as did my son and I had a daughter who died from a genetic illness which there is no trace of on my Mothers side of the family and I would like to know my family history from his side to be able to tell my children.

Could someone give me any more ideas of what I can do to try and find out where he is or is it a lost cause? I don't know where to turn anymore its like banging my head off a brick wall and I'm just about ready to give up Sad

Hello everyone,
To retain some RL privacy, we've edited out some names and replaced them with a B. Hope this has no effect on reading this amazing thread.
Thanks.
MNHQ

OP posts:
foslady · 30/05/2013 20:57

Can you tell I'm bored?!!

MacMac123 · 30/05/2013 20:57

Brilliant idea by Yd to start the post on here!

foslady · 30/05/2013 20:56

www.withamstaple.com/CNews/CurrentTWS.pdf

The parish magazine - why not try these people?

YDdraigGoch · 30/05/2013 20:53

What was his name?
Start a post on here to ask if anyone from Bassingham knows him - but you'll have to give his name.

foslady · 30/05/2013 20:50

According to Wicki it has a Methodist church and a C of E - why not ring the Reverend & Minister to see if they've officiated to him....might not be thr news you wanted to hear, but if he was normally known by another name, they'd know that

MrsGSR · 30/05/2013 20:50

I second the ad in the local paper. One of my dad's cousins found my dad that way, and it was a very vague ad!

CharlieUniformNovemberTango · 30/05/2013 20:49

Were they married?

You could try facebook - look for the local pages and groups for the local paper and for the selling pages too.

Onetwothreeoops · 30/05/2013 20:49

Would he have been on the electoral register at the address you lived at with him? You can go to the county archives and look up the names of who was registered at that address in that year.

foslady · 30/05/2013 20:48

Why not go and ask at The 5 Bells? See if you can put an advert up in the local shop asking for info? Think the Local Paper is the Lincolnshire Echo - why not write a letter for their readers page?
HTH

MacMac123 · 30/05/2013 20:48

Phone the local paper and ask them to do a 'do you know my dad' piece for the sake of your children because of your daughter that died. If he had so many kids by so many women he will be somewhat notorious and people will know him.
So you used to live with him? Am confused - was this when you were a kid? Can you remember the address? A private deceptive can track people forward from a historical address

ThreadPirateFanjoBeard · 30/05/2013 20:47

Appeal on local radio?

mymatemax · 30/05/2013 20:46

you can search for marriage & birth certs with your mums details.
If not ad in the local paper is the way to go.

Good luck!

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 30/05/2013 20:44

Its a small place called Bassingham, thats where he lived when I lived with him and he was staying there when I talked to him 16 years ago too.

The phone bill with his number on it is a no go because it was in my Mothers name so she made sure I couldn't trace it again.

I hadn't thought of the papers, I'll go and look at what the local paper is just now and see about putting an advert in.

My Mother didn't want him on our birth certificates so I have no way of tracing him through those either, and the problem I have had with my brothers and sisters birth/death certificates is that I don't know if they had his or their Mums last names so I've come to a bit of a dead end there too.

Thank you for your replies Flowers

OP posts:
MacMac123 · 30/05/2013 20:42

If it's a little village you should be able to find people who properly knew him, have you actually been there? I suggest take a day, go there. Start at the pubs and newsagents. Follow whatever leads you have.
I am (whisper) a journalist and I know from when i worked on national papers this pub/shop approach works, and then go to streets/areas they say they think he lived on and narrow it down from there.
Did you say you knew his surname?

GibberTheMonkey · 30/05/2013 20:39

I was thinking that your brothers death certificate might be the way to go.

I hope you find them and I'm sorry for your losses

RubySparks · 30/05/2013 20:37

Does your birth certificate have his name or is their a marriage certificate that may have details or death certificate for your brother to see who registered death? Old neighbours who might remember him? Facebook may be able to help if you have any other names to look for? Sorry if those are obvious things just trying to think where you would get information.

TVTonight · 30/05/2013 20:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

foslady · 30/05/2013 20:33

What area of Lincolnshire? I'm from a small Lincolnshire village? Have you tried an ad in the local press?

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