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Original poster

This is my very last resort - ideas needed to help me find my dad, brothers and sisters

668 replies

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 30/05/2013 20:30

I haven't seen my Dad for over 25 years, my Mum left him and then came in with another bloke one day and informed us that this was our new Dad and that was that.

She won't give me his proper name but I know the name everyone called him and he was well known where he lived, she won't tell me where and when he was born, in fact we no longer speak so I'm never likely to be able to find the information out at all now all I know is he lived in a little Lincolnshire village.

About 16 years ago she did manage to track a phone number down for him (after years of harrassment) and I had a brief conversation with him but she decided she didn't like it and burned the number and his address that I had written down as well as the phone bill.

Back when I spoke to him he was waiting for pretty major surgery on his heart so I'm not even sure if he is alive now and if he is he is in his 70s and when we spoke he did tell me I had brothers and sisters (he said all in all he had 16 children by goodness knows how many women) but I don't know their names apart from a brother I had who died and three older sisters I have whos names are my middle names (although one of them died as well I don't know which one).

I have tried the salvation army, trawled through public records (which is hard because I only know the shortened version of his name not the full name) called local pubs and shops where he used to live some of who knew him but didn't know where he was now and the local police station who couldn't do anything to help, as well as going on missing people and family tree and similar websites.

What else can I do? I feel like there is a huge part of my history I don't know and I would like to even just know if he is alive or not and maybe try to track down his other children. There is also the fact that my sister died from SIDS before I was born (according to my Mother) as did my son and I had a daughter who died from a genetic illness which there is no trace of on my Mothers side of the family and I would like to know my family history from his side to be able to tell my children.

Could someone give me any more ideas of what I can do to try and find out where he is or is it a lost cause? I don't know where to turn anymore its like banging my head off a brick wall and I'm just about ready to give up Sad

Hello everyone,
To retain some RL privacy, we've edited out some names and replaced them with a B. Hope this has no effect on reading this amazing thread.
Thanks.
MNHQ

OP posts:
DeafLeopard · 30/05/2013 22:22

OMG is there nothing that MN cannot do?! Smile

Really hope you find your family OP.

Fabalab · 30/05/2013 22:16

Sheltered housing sounds promising.

I don't really have much to add and you probably know more about genealogy now than I do :o but don't lose hope just because you don't know his full first name. When I do my genealogy bits I always put in aliases or nicknames used, for this very reason.

Bossybritches22 · 30/05/2013 22:12

Bassingham is my next village, OP & my GP is there, & I know loads of locla contacts.

I'll liaise with Fergoose (we know each other outside MN) if you like & see what we can find.

OrchidFlakes · 30/05/2013 21:59

I have nothing helpful to add but best of luck OP, this thread has really moved me.

Good luck Flowers

SoldAtAuction · 30/05/2013 21:58

good luck in your search Smile

idiot55 · 30/05/2013 21:48

Hope it all works out for you ,

I traced my birth mum, but was lucky I had her name and DOB.

Original poster
MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 30/05/2013 21:47

Thank you, I have PM'd back.

I have a couple of numbers to call tomorrow and I am just setting up a 192 account so I can have a look at a possible address on there.

I have tried ancestry.com but again it comes down to not knowing his proper name so I got nowhere there, I haven't heard of findmypast so I will check that out just now.

I will keep you all updated, I am going to call the pub and shops again tomorrow and wiil hopefully hear back from the paper soon if I don't get anywhere with the numbers I have been given.

I can't tell you all how much this means to me Flowers

OP posts:
Manchesterhistorygirl · 30/05/2013 21:31

Good luck OP. have you tired appealing on ancestry.com or findmypast?

You can also apply to the national register office for death and birth certificates that might advance your search.

looseleaf · 30/05/2013 21:31

Wow- do tell us if you speak to him; really hope he's alive and that you find him

fergoose · 30/05/2013 21:25

I will pm you too - don't want to put phone number and address on here

MacMac123 · 30/05/2013 21:24

Have pm' d you

fergoose · 30/05/2013 21:23

The address Sheppard Court I have found is sheltered housing.

Pouncer1 · 30/05/2013 21:21

I really hope you find him, please keep us updated. I am very sorry for your losses.

fergoose · 30/05/2013 21:21

Inspector is that at Sheppard Court?

fergoose · 30/05/2013 21:18

There are 15 Joel Bs listed in the UK

InspectorRebus · 30/05/2013 21:17

I just looked on BT.com and there is one B listed in Bassingham.

Original poster
MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 30/05/2013 21:12

Thank you MacMac he was hanging around the streets and because he got the train up he slept for a few nights in the local park according to a friend of my Mothers (she told me years later). I've put his name ^ up there, even if he doesn't want it online he will have to contact me to tell me so Smile and if he is still alive he might google himself and stumble upon Mumsnet.

I have just sent an email to the paper so hopefully they will be in touch in the next few days.

OP posts:
Original poster
MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 30/05/2013 21:06

His name is/was B.

I'll try that parish magazine foslady and those links too wig

Thank you so much for your help everyone, you are all utterly lovely.

OP posts:
MacMac123 · 30/05/2013 21:06

He was hanging around the streets looking for you guys? So sad when families get divided like that. He did find you though even if it was just for your mum to have a go. You might have the same luck.
If you want pm me his name and I'll have a look I have an advanced electoral roll system I use for work.

WhiteYFronts · 30/05/2013 21:05

Try searching on 192.com for birth/death certificates with your siblings names. Maybe try different combinations of possible first names for your Father with a rough age to see if you get a hit.

If the village is pretty small I'd get yourself down there and ask. People are more likely to give you information face to face.

Good luck and I hope you find what you need.

Onetwothreeoops · 30/05/2013 21:04

This might be a bit of a mad suggestion but have you considered approaching a nearby residential home for the elderly and asking if you could go in and chat to some of the residents to see if anyone there remembers him. If he is in his 70's now then it is likely he would have been known by people now in their 70's, 80's and 90's.

Lioninthesun · 30/05/2013 21:02

I found my mum's real family (she was adopted) by posting on one of those ancestry sites asking for help. A really lovely lady emailed me to say she found her husband's bio family and had 'got the bug' and helped me completely free of charge!
Thinking about it I should email her again now I have met them! Good luck OP.

Original poster
MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 30/05/2013 21:00

I haven't been there, I was living in Scotland but have moved to the Midlands recently so I would be more able to get there a bit easier. I did have a ring around a couple of years ago and no-one had heard of him for a couple of years before that, I do know his last name and the shortened version of his first name but if its a good approach then I could go there the next time dh has a few days off work and try my luck.

The biggest problem I have is that I was only about 5 when my Mother left him so I don't remember anything about where we lived they weren't married and she has done everything humanly possible to make it impossible for me to be able to trace him. She moved to Scotland and told him that he would have to come up and see us which was obviously difficult for him but he tried for a couple of years and then she moved and didn't let him know where, the last time I saw him he had travelled up to see us and was just hanging about the streets hoping he would see us and my Mother went and had a go at him, I never saw him again after that.

I tried FB, I even messaged some people in the area who had the same last name (which is also really common) and it came to nothing.

He was well known, for all the wrong reasons, as far as I have been told so there were some people in the pub and shops I called who knew him but didn't know where he was now.

I'm just going to look at the Echo and see if I can find an email address, can't believe I have never thought of the local paper before now.

Than you all so much for replying.

OP posts:
ChasedByBees · 30/05/2013 20:58

Hopefully someone where he lived might know his last name, or the names of his children / partner(s) if he was well known in his village. Starting there seems an excellent idea like MacMac says.

What if you google the name of the brother who died (I know it's only the first name), Bassingham and the word obituary? Something from a local paper might come up.

The best of luck in your search, I really hope you find them.

Wigeon · 30/05/2013 20:58

The charity Missing People might be able to help: see here

Or you can download a factsheet called "who can help you" here - see the last two pages of that document.