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This is my very last resort - ideas needed to help me find my dad, brothers and sisters

668 replies

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 30/05/2013 20:30

I haven't seen my Dad for over 25 years, my Mum left him and then came in with another bloke one day and informed us that this was our new Dad and that was that.

She won't give me his proper name but I know the name everyone called him and he was well known where he lived, she won't tell me where and when he was born, in fact we no longer speak so I'm never likely to be able to find the information out at all now all I know is he lived in a little Lincolnshire village.

About 16 years ago she did manage to track a phone number down for him (after years of harrassment) and I had a brief conversation with him but she decided she didn't like it and burned the number and his address that I had written down as well as the phone bill.

Back when I spoke to him he was waiting for pretty major surgery on his heart so I'm not even sure if he is alive now and if he is he is in his 70s and when we spoke he did tell me I had brothers and sisters (he said all in all he had 16 children by goodness knows how many women) but I don't know their names apart from a brother I had who died and three older sisters I have whos names are my middle names (although one of them died as well I don't know which one).

I have tried the salvation army, trawled through public records (which is hard because I only know the shortened version of his name not the full name) called local pubs and shops where he used to live some of who knew him but didn't know where he was now and the local police station who couldn't do anything to help, as well as going on missing people and family tree and similar websites.

What else can I do? I feel like there is a huge part of my history I don't know and I would like to even just know if he is alive or not and maybe try to track down his other children. There is also the fact that my sister died from SIDS before I was born (according to my Mother) as did my son and I had a daughter who died from a genetic illness which there is no trace of on my Mothers side of the family and I would like to know my family history from his side to be able to tell my children.

Could someone give me any more ideas of what I can do to try and find out where he is or is it a lost cause? I don't know where to turn anymore its like banging my head off a brick wall and I'm just about ready to give up Sad

Hello everyone,
To retain some RL privacy, we've edited out some names and replaced them with a B. Hope this has no effect on reading this amazing thread.
Thanks.
MNHQ

OP posts:
CoolaSchmoola · 01/06/2013 08:24

Good luck OP.

hesterton · 01/06/2013 08:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hesterton · 01/06/2013 08:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BikeRunSki · 01/06/2013 08:08

I know a Joe who uses it as an abbreviation of Jonatha
n, that might be another thing to search?

Good luck, v exited by this thread!

BearsInMotion · 01/06/2013 07:42

Good luck OP Flowers

FruOla · 01/06/2013 07:27

What an incredible thread. Best of luck Missy and I hope it all works out well.

NeverBeenToMe · 01/06/2013 07:26

Hullmum- that happened to me :/

Frikadellen · 01/06/2013 07:24

Another one wishing you good luck this is really a lovely thread.

ghosteditor · 01/06/2013 07:21

Good luck missy, what an exciting detective story!

TheRealFellatio · 01/06/2013 07:18

And I would definitely focus on any brothers as they are less likely to have changed their names.

cakesonatrain · 01/06/2013 07:16

Wow, mumsnet is amazing.
Hope you find your family, op.

TheRealFellatio · 01/06/2013 07:14

Also, just because your dad was called B it doesn't follow that it was his first name. Sometimes people are known by their middle names, or just family nicknames that do not appear on their birth certs. I'd follow up all B men of roughly the same age born in the same area.

TheRealFellatio · 01/06/2013 07:12

Only just seen this thread and I am SO EXCITED about Jackie the natural healer in Burton Road that I cannot wait for everyone to wake up and get back on the case. Grin

Fingers crossed for a happy ending.

MacMac123 · 01/06/2013 07:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IsaacCox · 01/06/2013 07:01

This is an amazing thread. Really hope you find him OP. Good luck!

DeathMetalMum · 01/06/2013 06:56

Good luck op :)

HullMum · 01/06/2013 02:52

I really hate to be a misery guts but is it possible there is actually a reason your mother doesn't want you to find this man? A really good reason? I can only imagine a few reasons why I would ever keep my husband from my child and all of them are pretty serious.

FairPhyllis · 01/06/2013 02:35

This is the most amazing thread.

My only suggestion is that if he's not traceable in the Bassingham area anymore you should be able to obtain electoral roll records for Bassingham for the period you know he was there by going to the County Archive for Lincolnshire - details here. That would at least give you his full name, address at the time and probably people at the same address, and then that could help you with other kinds of searches. Bassingham doesn't look very big - depending on how the electoral register is structured you could probably go through all the records for Bassingham's civil parish quite quickly.

It's also very possible that the church in Bassingham would be able to help - church wardens and PCC members etc (less so vicars!) tend to have long memories and strong local connections. Or you never know, OP's dad might have been on the parish register (which is different from the UK voting electoral roll) and that would give another way to get his name and address.

LongNeckedDancers · 01/06/2013 01:36

:)

ratbagcatbag · 01/06/2013 01:34

With yoni, no stalking powers in the area, but loving this thread. I really hope it all works out :)

garlicgrump · 01/06/2013 01:29

Just marking this thread so I can keep up with developments! How exciting! So great of everyone to give so much help ... all the best, Missy, hope it goes well :)

YoniBottsBumgina · 01/06/2013 01:20

This is awesome. I have no stalky powers but I love this thread!

anothershittynickname · 01/06/2013 01:06

How exciting xx good luck xx

CadleCrap · 01/06/2013 00:30

I have teared up after reading this. Smile

Good luck Missymoo - hope you get some news soon

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 01/06/2013 00:26

I couldn't message her on LinkedIn because I'm not a member or something, so I found her business on FB and messaged her on there, but I don't think she uses the page much as there are only 5 likes and one post.

I think I have found her profile on FB so I will wait and see if she messages back from her business page and if not I will ask the lady on FB if she is the same one.

I just apologised in advance if I have it wrong and then gave a brief outline of everything without mentioning names, so now its a case of wait and see if she gets back to me.

Hopefully mismarplesbloomers Grin might get some feedback from FB and tweeting the radio as well.

This is just amazing Flowers there is literally nothing MN can't do (although I am still trying not to get my hopes up, but its getting harder not to now).

OP posts:
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