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This is my very last resort - ideas needed to help me find my dad, brothers and sisters

668 replies

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 30/05/2013 20:30

I haven't seen my Dad for over 25 years, my Mum left him and then came in with another bloke one day and informed us that this was our new Dad and that was that.

She won't give me his proper name but I know the name everyone called him and he was well known where he lived, she won't tell me where and when he was born, in fact we no longer speak so I'm never likely to be able to find the information out at all now all I know is he lived in a little Lincolnshire village.

About 16 years ago she did manage to track a phone number down for him (after years of harrassment) and I had a brief conversation with him but she decided she didn't like it and burned the number and his address that I had written down as well as the phone bill.

Back when I spoke to him he was waiting for pretty major surgery on his heart so I'm not even sure if he is alive now and if he is he is in his 70s and when we spoke he did tell me I had brothers and sisters (he said all in all he had 16 children by goodness knows how many women) but I don't know their names apart from a brother I had who died and three older sisters I have whos names are my middle names (although one of them died as well I don't know which one).

I have tried the salvation army, trawled through public records (which is hard because I only know the shortened version of his name not the full name) called local pubs and shops where he used to live some of who knew him but didn't know where he was now and the local police station who couldn't do anything to help, as well as going on missing people and family tree and similar websites.

What else can I do? I feel like there is a huge part of my history I don't know and I would like to even just know if he is alive or not and maybe try to track down his other children. There is also the fact that my sister died from SIDS before I was born (according to my Mother) as did my son and I had a daughter who died from a genetic illness which there is no trace of on my Mothers side of the family and I would like to know my family history from his side to be able to tell my children.

Could someone give me any more ideas of what I can do to try and find out where he is or is it a lost cause? I don't know where to turn anymore its like banging my head off a brick wall and I'm just about ready to give up Sad

Hello everyone,
To retain some RL privacy, we've edited out some names and replaced them with a B. Hope this has no effect on reading this amazing thread.
Thanks.
MNHQ

OP posts:
sashh · 02/06/2013 10:19

I hope you find your family.

We 'found' an aunt of my mum who had not been in contact for decades, she put an add in the local paper, all her relatives had moved away but the wife of my father's relative saw the notice.

I didn't even know she existed.

It can happen.

cjdamoo · 02/06/2013 10:18

great thread :D

flatbellyfella · 02/06/2013 10:16

This thread just shows what can be achieved by the great combined effort of MN, well done Thanks.

MissMarplesBloomers · 02/06/2013 10:15

Ok thanks Queen !!

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 02/06/2013 10:05

Good morning all, just a quick one because I'm on my phone (so this will probably post twice if at all, bloody app always plays up for me) I looked for most of the night and can't find and record of death for him anywhere I checked all the public records and the papers, I'm starting to think he may be alive. Not much luck with Marianne or Joanne but I'm going to try and see if I can find if either of them are married since my Dad is on their birth certificates I think they are my best bet.

Thank you so much for all your messages and support and help and I'll go on the laptop and reply properly later on Thanks

OP posts:
QueenStromba · 02/06/2013 10:04

It's behind a paywall and I don't have any 192 credits MissMarple. If anyone does have some you just need to type in B and Bassingham - there's only two results, R and R.

Purpletots · 02/06/2013 09:53

Wow what a great thread. I wish you all the best in finding your family :)

Just remember if you msg someone on FB they might not actually get it as it will possibly go in their 'other box' .

Cerisier · 02/06/2013 09:50

Wow what an amazing thread- good luck MM, it sounds like you are getting close!

FadBook · 02/06/2013 09:38

Wow what an amazing thread so far. Shamelessly marking my place to check for updates. Good luck OP I hope you find what you're looking for.

MissMarplesBloomers · 02/06/2013 09:36

Queen coud you PM me if there's an address? Thanks.

I know MacMac impossible not to get excited isn't it ?

I have visions of random Mr B' all over Lincolnshire being pounced on
by MN-ers -

"do you have a daughter called Missy eh? eh?"

MacMac123 · 02/06/2013 09:15

SO EXCITING!
ROLAND WE ARE ON YOUR TRAIL!

QueenStromba · 02/06/2013 09:13

There's actually an entry on 192.com for a B living in Bassingham as recently as 2002.

MissMarplesBloomers · 02/06/2013 08:52

Checking in for duty Boss!

Bloody weekend does get in the way of sleuthing.

Might have to do actual housework today for heavens
sake.
Grin

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 02/06/2013 08:43

Just checking in to see how you are doing.

Remember to verify the name you have by cross checking before leaping in. You can get coincidences (more. Common than you would think) and so it's best to confirm somehow.

Clarabella is right.

Hopefully, he's the one though, and if not, that net is definitely tightening Grin

magimedi · 02/06/2013 08:27

So exciting.

Jackie could be on holiday & not looking at her emails, Missy. When I go away for a fortnight I rarely look at the internet.

MinnieBar · 02/06/2013 08:23

First thing I did this morning after playing a bit of CandyCrush was check this thread - so exciting! Hope you're not too exhausted today OP.

clarabellabunting · 02/06/2013 08:04

Sorry to jump in from nowhere but I've been reading this thread and getting more and more interested as I love family history research and general sleuthing.

Have looked in the births deaths and marriage records and Bs birth was registered in Lincoln in 1946 - would that mean he's too young to be your dad (it would make him 67)?

Or is it another B?

LindyHemming · 02/06/2013 07:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FruOla · 02/06/2013 05:12

OMG, things have moved on apace - what fantastic news. Hopefully you will not only find your father, but also some of your siblings.

(I know I have older siblings, as my BF was already married with a family when he had an affair with my BM - and she may have gone on to have more children after me. So I'm vicariously excited for you!)

BoysAreLikeDogs · 02/06/2013 04:51

Oh my goodness! Fingers crossed for you.

What a bunch of amazing women MNers sre

MissTweed · 02/06/2013 04:33

If you know the names of some if your siblings could you look up the names of their children (via birth certificates) as they are more likely to be on Facebook (and more frequently)

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 02/06/2013 03:58

Haha mirai just a little bit, I'm usually a terrible sleeper anyway but I have given up on the whole idea of it tonight. My dc will start getting up in a couple of hours so there is no point even trying now Grin

OP posts:
mirai · 02/06/2013 03:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 02/06/2013 03:52

You were 100% right TheReal Grin there is no way I would ever have been able to hazard a guess as to what it was though.

I can't help wondering what the E stands for in his name as well.

It seems that my sister has her Mums first name as a middle name, I have my sisters names as my middle names, one of my brothers middle names is my Dads first name, but come to think of it there are 3 more middle names of my brothers that I know haven't got anything to do with my Mothers family, I wonder if they could be the names of some more of his children.

OP posts:
TheRealFellatio · 02/06/2013 03:39

You see, I said B might be a nickname or a middle name! I bet that B in B is the pesky culprit. so glad you are making such great progress - how exciting!