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This is my very last resort - ideas needed to help me find my dad, brothers and sisters

668 replies

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 30/05/2013 20:30

I haven't seen my Dad for over 25 years, my Mum left him and then came in with another bloke one day and informed us that this was our new Dad and that was that.

She won't give me his proper name but I know the name everyone called him and he was well known where he lived, she won't tell me where and when he was born, in fact we no longer speak so I'm never likely to be able to find the information out at all now all I know is he lived in a little Lincolnshire village.

About 16 years ago she did manage to track a phone number down for him (after years of harrassment) and I had a brief conversation with him but she decided she didn't like it and burned the number and his address that I had written down as well as the phone bill.

Back when I spoke to him he was waiting for pretty major surgery on his heart so I'm not even sure if he is alive now and if he is he is in his 70s and when we spoke he did tell me I had brothers and sisters (he said all in all he had 16 children by goodness knows how many women) but I don't know their names apart from a brother I had who died and three older sisters I have whos names are my middle names (although one of them died as well I don't know which one).

I have tried the salvation army, trawled through public records (which is hard because I only know the shortened version of his name not the full name) called local pubs and shops where he used to live some of who knew him but didn't know where he was now and the local police station who couldn't do anything to help, as well as going on missing people and family tree and similar websites.

What else can I do? I feel like there is a huge part of my history I don't know and I would like to even just know if he is alive or not and maybe try to track down his other children. There is also the fact that my sister died from SIDS before I was born (according to my Mother) as did my son and I had a daughter who died from a genetic illness which there is no trace of on my Mothers side of the family and I would like to know my family history from his side to be able to tell my children.

Could someone give me any more ideas of what I can do to try and find out where he is or is it a lost cause? I don't know where to turn anymore its like banging my head off a brick wall and I'm just about ready to give up Sad

Hello everyone,
To retain some RL privacy, we've edited out some names and replaced them with a B. Hope this has no effect on reading this amazing thread.
Thanks.
MNHQ

OP posts:
BoreOfWhabylon · 03/06/2013 01:29

What a marvellous thread! I have just read it all and am Grin from ear to ear!

Upthread someone mentioned that they had found Joe's birth registration. Presumably this has his father's name on it (the Canadian)? So Missy might be able to track down her Canadian relatives too?

NorksAreMessy · 02/06/2013 23:01

'pay it forward'

i Love MumsNet

MissMarplesBloomers · 02/06/2013 22:45

Fried that's exactly why I shoved my oar in volunteered to help!

So many times MNers have asked for help with a variety of things & there has ALWAYS been someone local to help in some way or another, which is fab, but too far away for me to be any use.

When I saw the county Missy was talking about was Lincolnshire I intially though hmm interesting......then when she mentioned the village next to ours I thought f**k me well I never Grin

Some MNer some day may be in need of help in your vicinity I bet!

FriedSprout · 02/06/2013 22:24

Likewise jojo Grin

It's been great to see you making such progress, and lovely to see all the help you have been getting.

I, as ever on this site, wish there was something I could do to help. Oh well, maybe one day.

Wine here's to even more progress and answers for you

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 02/06/2013 22:20

Welcome Jojo Grin I was telling a lady who PMd me that I always thought lurkers on MN were urban myths until these past few days, it seems I'm definitely wrong Grin

OP posts:
MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 02/06/2013 22:13

Thank you for that quote that is a brilliant idea. I will email them just now to see if they can help me.

I have found a record of my brother getting married, but that was me being nosy more than anything because I am fairly certain I have his address, sadly I have also found out that his, and my sisters mother died about a decade ago as well, but I also found out her name as she remarried after she and my Dad divorced (or so it looks like, I will do some double checking) so my sisters could have their Mums maiden name, my dads name or her second husbands name or a completely different name now

Thanks again for all the support and help, I can't believe how far I have come in a few short days thanks to the brilliant and wonderful people on MN Thanks

OP posts:
Jojobump1986 · 02/06/2013 22:13

Well, if only people who post on the thread get a PM then I guess I'd better de-lurk & mark my place! It's all so exciting! Grin

TerrysNo2 · 02/06/2013 21:50

marking my place, I love mysteries like this and I'm pleasantly surprised at the developments of this one!

good luck Missy Smile

MissMarplesBloomers · 02/06/2013 21:34

Got you...... Grin

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 02/06/2013 21:25

MissMarple it would be very, very interesting to find out his side of events, but if he is alive and I do manage to find him i don't think I will ask him, I don't want to waste time by talking about what happened between him and my Mother, I have her version, he will have his version, and somewhere in the middle will lie the truth.

On the other hand I am also extremely nosy so if I do find him and he wanted to tell me it would be rude to stop him wouldn't it Grin and of course I wouldn't put it on here but I would PM everyone on the thread to make sure they know Grin

OP posts:
gummybear13 · 02/06/2013 20:42

Wow I hope you find your dad!

MissMarplesBloomers · 02/06/2013 20:19

Oh just the ticket Fergoose m'dear. Grin

fergoose · 02/06/2013 18:11

A schooner of Bristol Cream MissMasplesBloomers? :)

MissMarplesBloomers · 02/06/2013 17:51

Sniggering here too !

If you DO find your Dad MM it would be interesting to hear his version of your parents parting wouldn't it given her behaviour?

< nosy cah emoticon again>

Not to be put on here naturally unless you really want to of course Wink

MissMarplesBloomers · 02/06/2013 17:46

Maryz Thanks Grin

Allthough having spent most of the day staining the front garden fence

I'm knackered so enthusiasm is a
bit half hearted at present!

Nearly wine o'clock though.

(or should that be sherry to keep in character??!) Hmm

Maryz · 02/06/2013 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 02/06/2013 17:42

Haha crossposted with the crosspost about crossposting MissMarple Grin

OP posts:
MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 02/06/2013 17:40

Haha MissMarple cross post (again) Grin

Maryz please don't apologise, your concerns are perfectly valid, as demonstrated on this thread, and actually I am glad you brought it up because its making me have a think about my online presence now.

And I wish it was a sneaky delight I was feeling, but its not, its out and out smugness, if we weren't estranged I would probably be doing a little 'in your face' cheerleading dance just now Grin

OP posts:
Maryz · 02/06/2013 17:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissMarplesBloomers · 02/06/2013 17:32

Ha x-posted with MM again....sorry!!

Maryz · 02/06/2013 17:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 02/06/2013 17:25

I know TheReal the only reason I have put so many details on here is because its in chat and will disappear. If I do manage to get in touch with anyone I will tell them about this and ask for it to be deleted (but start another thread to let you know how its going) if they aren't happy about it.

Maryz thats fine re copying your post, and actually, thinking about it, if they do make a topic for finding family then it might be better if it disappeared after 30 days or something, but then that would probably defeat the point of having it in the first place.

I have my feet totally on the ground about a happy ending, I'm not holding out any expectations at all, really I would just like to know my history (especially genetic history) to be able to tell my children and know some details about my Dad and if being an axe murderer is in my genes that would also be nice to know so I can question my brother when he comes to visit and shows a strange compulsion to pop out to Homebase if I'm annoying him Grin

OP posts:
MissMarplesBloomers · 02/06/2013 17:25

TRF & Maryz quite valid concerns, to reassure you from my point of view & all the other MN-ers who've found bits of the jigsaw the PM's have been pinging into Missy's inbox with loads more detail than has been posted here so hopefully it won't be too revealing but I agree completely is easy to get carried away in the excitment of it all. I shall rein in my big mouth enthusiasm !! Grin

I think too, MM is quite resigned to the fact a happy ending might not be forthcoming (not wishing to put words in her mouth)

Personally I think it would be the not knowing that would be killing me so lets hope she finds something if not the whole story.

garlicgrump · 02/06/2013 17:24

Without wishing to derail this brilliant thread, here's a gentle reminder that domestic abuse survivors often are given new legal identities :)

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