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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

This is my very last resort - ideas needed to help me find my dad, brothers and sisters

668 replies

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 30/05/2013 20:30

I haven't seen my Dad for over 25 years, my Mum left him and then came in with another bloke one day and informed us that this was our new Dad and that was that.

She won't give me his proper name but I know the name everyone called him and he was well known where he lived, she won't tell me where and when he was born, in fact we no longer speak so I'm never likely to be able to find the information out at all now all I know is he lived in a little Lincolnshire village.

About 16 years ago she did manage to track a phone number down for him (after years of harrassment) and I had a brief conversation with him but she decided she didn't like it and burned the number and his address that I had written down as well as the phone bill.

Back when I spoke to him he was waiting for pretty major surgery on his heart so I'm not even sure if he is alive now and if he is he is in his 70s and when we spoke he did tell me I had brothers and sisters (he said all in all he had 16 children by goodness knows how many women) but I don't know their names apart from a brother I had who died and three older sisters I have whos names are my middle names (although one of them died as well I don't know which one).

I have tried the salvation army, trawled through public records (which is hard because I only know the shortened version of his name not the full name) called local pubs and shops where he used to live some of who knew him but didn't know where he was now and the local police station who couldn't do anything to help, as well as going on missing people and family tree and similar websites.

What else can I do? I feel like there is a huge part of my history I don't know and I would like to even just know if he is alive or not and maybe try to track down his other children. There is also the fact that my sister died from SIDS before I was born (according to my Mother) as did my son and I had a daughter who died from a genetic illness which there is no trace of on my Mothers side of the family and I would like to know my family history from his side to be able to tell my children.

Could someone give me any more ideas of what I can do to try and find out where he is or is it a lost cause? I don't know where to turn anymore its like banging my head off a brick wall and I'm just about ready to give up Sad

Hello everyone,
To retain some RL privacy, we've edited out some names and replaced them with a B. Hope this has no effect on reading this amazing thread.
Thanks.
MNHQ

OP posts:
umbrellahead · 03/06/2013 14:08

If ordering certificates, I would agree to start with your mother and father's wedding, hopefully then confirming his year of birth.

This is truly gripping, best of luck to you OP!

clarabellabunting · 03/06/2013 13:38

But 1936 B's children might not be his children. They might be 1946 B's children.

You won't have had a list of his children. You will just have had a list of the children from the 1966 marriage. Which could be either B (but most likely 1946 B in my opinion).

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 03/06/2013 13:30

Sorry to the people who have PM'd me the ones I sent back must have been terrible,I can't seem to find my inbox on here so I had to go on my phone which is a nightmare to message from as I can't see what I wrote. Is MN playing up today?

Not much to update really, I have ruled out 6 of the B's on 192, some of them aren't picking up their phones so I'll try again later on.

I'm going to have a look at the 1946 B again, the names of the 1936 B's children tie in with the little information I have so I did dismiss him a bit but I could be getting carried away over a big coincidence so I'll go back and look more closely just in case.

Great ideas about ordering his birth and marriage certificates, I will do both when I have had a look at the younger B to see if its worth ordering his certificates too.

Once again thank you to everyone for your support and help and stories It means such a great deal to me Thanks

OP posts:
clarabellabunting · 03/06/2013 13:26

I think the 1946 B is the right one too. Have PM'd MissyMoo with all the details I have found.

You don't want to waste money sending off for the wrong birth certificate. Maybe order the the marriage certificate and it will tell you his age - that will confirm whether he was 20 or 30 at the time of the wedding.

longjane · 03/06/2013 12:52

have inbox you a list of names that seem to have the parents as the B that i found born in 1946
some of the names might ring a bell

good luck and hope you have good news

longjane · 03/06/2013 12:29

i would order the marriage cert 1st then it should also give his age on that then go to right birth cert
then you can go the candian air force with a name hopefully

ColdWinterNights · 03/06/2013 12:29

Another delurker.

Good luck on finding your Dad OP, and well done to the lovely MNers helping, a nest of vipers indeed.

longjane · 03/06/2013 12:20

there is B being born in 1946 in Lincoln which is more likely as i dont think anyone from overseas was here in 1936 as that is before the ww2 started
but by the 1942 there were a lot of air force people in Lincolnshire

longjane · 03/06/2013 12:04

just read the whole thread and wonder what i could add and then came to last post
you can buy your dads birth cert here
www.gro.gov.uk/gro/content/certificates/default.asp
and his marriage cert here

his marriage cert should have his father name on it
his birth cert should have his father and mother name on it
and both will have addresses of where they were living
you will have all details you need for the form from the ancestry entry

Smudging · 03/06/2013 12:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ALovelyBunchOfCoconuts · 03/06/2013 11:27

another lurker shamelessly marking my place Grin

QueenStromba · 03/06/2013 10:26

You have enough details to get a copy of your father's birth certificate. You just need to order it online here. It doesn't matter that you don't have the exact date because they'll check the whole year and one either side.

CatelynStark · 03/06/2013 09:38

Another lurker coming out of the woodwork to say I've got my fingers crossed for you that you get some answers quickly :)

ohballs2013 · 03/06/2013 09:29

oh wow.
mumsnet at its best i think!

WandaDoff · 03/06/2013 09:10

How exciting! I traced some family through the internet a few years ago. I hope you get a good result Smile

Triumphoveradversity · 03/06/2013 09:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JewelFairies · 03/06/2013 08:54

Yes, where is the bookmark when you need it?
fx for you OP

DeepRedBetty · 03/06/2013 08:36

Placemark as Bookmark has gone off sick.

gummybear13 · 03/06/2013 08:22

Your brothers and sisters may not reply straight away as this might be the first time they even know of your existance.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 03/06/2013 08:18

Boffin if I find any of the younger ones I will make contact via another family member of theirs who can judge the situation better than me. The older brothers and sisters know I exsist so it shouldn't be a massive shock, but this is why I am making contact via email and will send them letters just in case the email addresses are out of date, I have numbers I could call on but I want to give them the choice to contact me if they wish. Its only my Dad I'm going to contact by phone if I can.

OP posts:
BoffinMum · 03/06/2013 07:53

I'm not sure randomly contacting brothers and sisters is a great idea, tbh. It can be hugely upsetting for people. Best to do it through a third party, I think.

GoofyIsACow · 03/06/2013 07:50

Wow! What a thread, amazing stuff, good luck MM i hope you get the answers you are looking for, its looking increasingly more likely! Grin

Mehrida · 03/06/2013 07:37

Another (de)lurker here as I tend not to post if I don't have anything useful to add but your story has me gripped!

Good idea about the letters, bet you'll be jumping everytime the phone rings once you've sent them. Good luck with your quest.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 03/06/2013 07:04

Good morning everyone.

I got an email back from a lovely bloke in the Canadian Air Force who is going to have a look at some records for me, but because I don't have many details and am not sure of my 'Grandads' name or even if he was in the Air Force they have more or less said there isn't a lot they can do, but at least they are going to try. It may turn up with something, stranger things have happened.

Bore the record is a birth index not a birth certificate so I have 'Grandmas' last name and the fact my Dad was born in Oct/Nov/Dec 1936 and thats it. It would have made life so much easier if it was a birth certificate.

My plan today is to call around these B's in Lincoln when the kids are at school and see if I can get anywhere, I've also decided I am going to write letters rather than call or email my potential sister and brother again, I'll leave it a few days to see if they reply then send them and if I don't hear back then I will have to leave it :( I don't want to cause them upset or harass them.

Once again I am overwhelmed with the support, stories and help I am being given, and the amount of people delurking to wish me well, its truely amazing and I am so very grateful to each and every one of you Thanks

OP posts:
yawningbear · 03/06/2013 06:29

Another Lurker here, there will be a ton of them on your thread Missy! It is all very heartwarming.

I know these things don't always work out but it sounds like you are totally open minded and prepared for that, and as someone else has said there are so many sibs to be found that surely the odds of you getting along with somebody is high Grin

My Mum who is well into her 70's, is adopted and decided to trace her birth mother several years ago. It was something she had thought about doing for a long time. As expected her birth mother was no longer alive but she did find other maternal relatives who she is now really close to and both families regularly meet up, it's lovely. She also learnt loads about her birth mother and has a sense of peace about it all I think. Good Luck Smile

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