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Original poster

House rules I forgot to make.

413 replies

CadleCrap · 28/04/2013 09:23

Don't comb the soap. Hmm

OP posts:
DannyUK · 01/05/2013 14:01

"cupping" is NOT an adequate alternative to underwear, especially when we have guests in the house.

VictorianDaddy · 01/05/2013 13:57

If you insist that you, and only you, are allowed to use the hoover, you will be invited to go running with Daddy.

If you accept an invitation to go running with Daddy, do not run straight to the Co-op. Daddy does not do his running in the Co-op.

Do not attempt to buy up the Co-op when Daddy has already explained that he doesn't have any pennies.

Do not look accusingly at Daddy when you find you don't have any pennies in your pockets. You are 2. You are not supposed to carry money.

themidwife · 01/05/2013 13:48

Don't write in your school journal that every weekend you cycle on your own 2 miles to McDonalds for burgers & fries aged 6 when we have told school we are vegetarians!

TimrousBeastie · 01/05/2013 13:33

don't shout daddy you have a penis in the changing room at the swimming pool.

if you do happen to see something you shouldn't in a changing room, please,please please don't tell everyone you meet about your papa's hairy penis.

don't include "mummys friends came round and they drank wine" in your school diary.

dreamies are for cats, not humans.

please don't ask why that man has to go into the wee room at the chemists to get his medicine.

no one wants to see your weiner and I especially don't want you to rub it on my arm!

ElizaDoLots · 01/05/2013 13:10

whoops 'Take your old pants off before putting your 'new' pants on'

AngryGnome · 01/05/2013 13:10

Do not feed your lasagna to the fish
Do not try to cuddle the fish
Do not try to climb into the fish tank - the fish is not lonely and does not need to play with you

ElizaDoLots · 01/05/2013 13:07

Don't use the touch screen tablet after picking your nose without washing your hands first

Take your old pants off before putting your old pants on top

Don't drink stagnant water out of the watering can in the garden

Don't keep inviting people to admire the size of your poo - it is not a reflection of your worth as a person

woollyjo · 01/05/2013 13:07

Don't put lipgloss in your belly button

Don't lick stuff or people (they are 3 & 6 ffs)

educatingarti · 01/05/2013 12:41

If you are trying to help make lunch by washing the potatoes - don't use soap!

onetwothreefourfive · 01/05/2013 12:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Poledra · 01/05/2013 12:09

If you draw all over yourself (and I mean all over yourself) with felt-tip pens, you are not allowed to complain when Mummy uses the wire brush and Dettol to clean you off before you are seen in public.

HolidayArmadillo · 01/05/2013 12:08

Don't kiss the car.

onetwothreefourfive · 01/05/2013 12:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 01/05/2013 12:05

One last one - You may only eat breadcrumbs off a cooked chicken kiev, not a raw one.

ProudAS · 01/05/2013 12:04

Don't call your auntie "Poo"

Cat food is for cats!

Toys and toothbrushes do not belong down the loo!
The plumbers bill will be deducted from your pocket money (when you start getting it).

GrumpyOldHorsewoman · 01/05/2013 12:01

Sudocrem is not a decorative material.
Ink stampers are only for decoration on paper, not stripped pine doors.
A bowl of spaghetti bolognese should not be eaten in one mouthful.
"Your breath smells" is not a defence when someone is telling you off.
Nobody is interested in what Justin Bieber was doing today, yesterday or ever.

FrustratedSycamoresRocks · 01/05/2013 11:56

yoghurt is not suitable for styling the dogs fur. He does not need a Mohican on the top of his head, he looks silly.

Kahlua4me · 01/05/2013 11:48

For little dc.
Do not bounce on the indoor little trampoline whilst it is still in the under stairs cupboard.

For big dc
Do not attempt to jump onto the outdoor trampoline from the top of the climbing frame, going over the safety net.

ProbablyJustGas · 01/05/2013 11:40

And a new one, made this morning:

Your skirts for school are not "too long". There is no such thing as a miniskirt for 7 year-olds.

Sallystyle · 01/05/2013 11:34

Do not accidentally pee on the floor and use the socks you are wearing to wipe it up with Shock

DewDr0p · 01/05/2013 11:22

Vaseline is not a hair product.
The microwave is not Lego minifigure storage.
Neither is the washing machine.
Willys are not bath toys.
Don't shout "Daddy your willy is enormous" in leisure centre changing rooms.
Don't shout "Mummy your bottom is massive" in leisure centre changing rooms either.
Don't wipe your nose on your sleeve.
Don't wipe your nose on my sleeve.
Don't lick handrails on the Tube.
Potatoes do not live in the freezer.
My house keys do not live under your bed behind all the crap

yogaforcats · 01/05/2013 10:54

Yoghurt is not paint.
Paint is not yoghurt.
Sudocreme is not paint OR yoghurt.

Toomuchtea · 01/05/2013 10:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Toomuchtea · 01/05/2013 10:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FairyJen · 01/05/2013 10:36

Stop looking at my chest and asking why I don't have boobies, there just small ok! It's givin me a complex Sad