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Original poster

House rules I forgot to make.

413 replies

CadleCrap · 28/04/2013 09:23

Don't comb the soap. Hmm

OP posts:
CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs · 08/05/2013 18:16

Another new one : Do NOT attempt to eat your fruit squeezer through your eyeball. It will hurt. And do not act as if I am to blame for your eye being sore when you tried to eat your fruit squeezer through it.

TeaMakesItAllPossible · 08/05/2013 14:58

Yesterday's new one .... we don't put potatoes in the toilet

mrssprout · 08/05/2013 02:50

Oh the memories .......
Beads do not go in your ear....or your nose
Poo does not belong in the holes in the duplo bricks.......or on the window, carpet, bed, walls, your hair, your face or body
You do not need to cry when I am trying to wash the poo off you at 5am...I need to cry !

Bogeyface · 08/05/2013 01:26

Note to self: Do not allow your mother to retire to spend time with your father who retired early due to health issues. It was only spending time apart that stopped them killing each other.

Shaky · 07/05/2013 23:45

ARF at Lego people ice cubes, I would love that! ( as long as they have not previously been inserted into child"s nose)

Zipitydooda · 07/05/2013 23:10

Don't store lego people in the fridge ice dispenser; people don't like them in their drinks

Don't try to tickle your baby brother's willy with your toes whilst in the bath

Don't wipe your snot on the wallpaper

Don't 'accidentally' shoot our neighbour with the hose spray.

Shaky · 07/05/2013 22:48

Do NOT put peas up your nose, you are supposed to eat them, not snort them

MrsPoglesWood · 07/05/2013 22:47

Do not take my lovely Lakeland flour sieve round to your mate's to fish the insects out of the hot tub because he forgot to put the cover on overnight. It is not his hot tub. It belongs to his parents. The party is up to him and them. I don't care if your girlfriend doesn't like insects in the hot tub. Please pay for your own insect removal implements.

idonthaveone · 07/05/2013 22:33

Don't swallow the ball bearing so we ALL have to go to the hospital you will beep when the nurse puts the wand on your tummy

Shaky · 07/05/2013 22:23

Do NOT stand on snails to make them into slugs Sad

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs · 07/05/2013 22:22

Also :

Do not pull Mummy towards you for a kiss by her hair. While you might be saying 'aaaaah' because you like kisses, Mummy is saying 'aaaaah' rather louder because it friffing HURTS!!

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs · 07/05/2013 22:20

Further to the earlier rule of Do NOT wash your hair with juice...

Do not 'ceeen' MUMMY'S freshly washed hair with your juice.

Do NOT 'ceeen' the table with juice. It does not make the table clean, it makes it sticky.

Do NOT squirt your fruit squeezer up your trouser legs. Just DON'T!

And don't then squirt your fruit squeezer in your ear. Or your nose.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 06/05/2013 08:47

The dishwasher is not a climbing frame. If you swing on the top tray it will break.

The fire guard is not a climbing frame either. You are only 14 months and I like your neck unbroken, thanks.

Stop tipping the dog's water bowl over! I have to let him drink out of it sometimes or he will get dehydrated.

ChelseaKnows1 · 06/05/2013 07:19

For DD
Don't leave tiny figures/toys on the floor.

Don't ask random people to pick your nose.

For DD & DP
Underwear/Dirty washing needs to be picked up by the person who dumps it on the floor.

------------
To neighbours
I am not a baby sitter and will require money if you want me to become one.

zeebaneighba · 06/05/2013 03:18

Been thinking in terms of house rules all weekend thanks to this thread!

Don't reuse your father's tissues.

Don't ride your bike at the baby.

Don't ride your bike at the baby saying "excuse legs" - she doesn't understand.

Don't expect 2yr old to understand baby not understanding "excuse legs".

Don't put the playpen outside in the shed - it'll be raining when you need it.

Bogeyface · 05/05/2013 20:59

As they say....better inside pissing out than outside pissing in!

Catypillar · 05/05/2013 20:27

It is nice to play games involving imaginary mice, but when Mummy and Daddy really really want to get the house sold and a nice surveyor has come round to look at it so he can tell they buyers its not going to fall down any time soon and we have no mouse infestation, please don't tell him "oh look, mouse ran under couch" or point under the kitchen cupboard and say "big mouse nest in there. Really big. With little mouse babies."

JollyOrangeGiant · 05/05/2013 18:18

Sunny, my DH points out that it's better that way than standing on a chair weeing INTO the letterbox!

Sunnywithshowers · 05/05/2013 14:37

Do not stand on a chair and do a wee out of the letterbox.

The neighbours do not want you to wee on the shared walkway, nor see you willy.

WireCatWhore · 05/05/2013 14:07

No we don't make it rain in the house.

We keep willys in our pants.

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs · 05/05/2013 12:15

New one especially for DS3 (2y3mo).

Don't wash your hair with your juice. NO, it does NOT make your hair 'ceeeen'. It makes it very far from clean, and means that I DO actually have to wash your hair at 9am after being stuck to the toilet all night with a bowl in my hands...

Essiebee · 05/05/2013 10:33

Do not put your pet ferret in your rucksack, take it to school and leave in the cloakroom.

Shaky · 05/05/2013 07:55

Grin Springy

springykitsch · 05/05/2013 00:34

NOR ffs

kill a joke stone dead why don't you

springykitsch · 05/05/2013 00:33

not can Buzz, it transpired

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