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Original poster

House rules I forgot to make.

413 replies

CadleCrap · 28/04/2013 09:23

Don't comb the soap. Hmm

OP posts:
MsGee · 28/04/2013 20:51

Bearfrills Grin

Her response was that she could squat like a girl dog - I told get that neither were really suitable near school.

She still terrifies people on the street with her super bark..

Springforward · 28/04/2013 20:47

Do not bite your friend on the arm, even if he asks you to.

Do not ask him to bite your arm.

openerofjars · 28/04/2013 20:44

Do not make a noise like a phone on vibrate ringing, DH.

Do not bite me then laugh, DD. Also, no eye gouging or fish-hooking.
Preschoolers should leave washing poo pants to the grownups.

My new blazer is not a dressing up pirate waistcoat with sleeves, DS.

If you piss me off, I will take you to Meadowhall for the day.

Bearfrills · 28/04/2013 20:37

MsGee :o

DS went through a phase of pretending to be a dog. I already felt judged for used reins (they're not very common round here) and it wasn't at all helped by him frequently dropping to all fours and crawling around barking.

Awks · 28/04/2013 20:32

Do not make perfume from soggy tissues in the toilet bowl.

MsGee · 28/04/2013 20:29

You are not a dog so ...

No eating off the floor like a dog

No pretending to wee against the lamppost on the way to school like a dog

FrustratedSycamoresRocks · 28/04/2013 20:18

Do not put any form of food up your nose.
Do not put any form of food up my nose.
Do not put any form of food in your pants or anywhere covered by your pants.

FrustratedSycamoresRocks · 28/04/2013 20:17

Don't lick my face
Don't hump the giant beanbag
Don't pretend to sleep in the dogs bed
Don't drink the dogs water
You don't keep your hands in your pants.

apostropheuse · 28/04/2013 20:08

Don't empty half of the new bottle of baby shampoo with half of the new bottle of shower gel and a liberal squeeze of the new tube of toothpaste and mix aforementioned concoction in the bathroom sink.

Your statement "I was just having fun" was not helpful.
Your statement "It's all my fault" was accurate.
Your statement "No treats then?" was accurate.
Your statement "No breakfast, lunch or dinner then?" was inaccurate and would probably be a disproportionate response, no matter how tempting.

Your suggestion that you empty your wallet to buy shampoo (and treats!) was a good suggestion (not the treats of course), if it wasn't for the fact that you're four years old and your disposable income is in the region of 35 pence.

CouthySaysEatChoccyEggs · 28/04/2013 20:07

Do not lick strangers jumpers. Or any jumpers. You WILL get a wooly tongue.

Do not pour an entire bottle of bubble bath down the loo and flush repeatedly.

Do not swallow pennies, you are NOT a money box.

sooperdooper · 28/04/2013 19:55

These are genius!! Keep them coming!!

colditz · 28/04/2013 19:52

Do not put your brother in the suitcase
Do not put crisps up your brothers nose.
Do not make your brother old things while you set fire to them, it still counts as you setting fire to things
Do not drill holes in my wall with mechano in order to watch me while I sleep. I know I sometimes make a noise in my sleep, but I am fine.
I am not a drink dispenser. You can reach the tap now.
Do not encourage your brother to help you make a giant wee in toilet using both if your wees, weeing is a private thing

whosshe · 28/04/2013 19:48

no squeezing my boobs in front of company, this goes for DS AND DH (umm not at the same time, that would be weird)

IceCubes · 28/04/2013 19:47

No competitive pooing in the bath... I do not wish to know who 'won!Confused'

Pollydon · 28/04/2013 19:46

For 19yr old ds. No singing at the top of your voice at 2am after a skinful.
No drunken apologies about singing as Im trying to get back to sleep.
And from 17years ago - bodyshop lip balm is not to be applied to your hair Grin

HolidayArmadillo · 28/04/2013 19:44

Don't put your snots back up your nose after you've picked them out.
It is never bums time, willies time or 'gina's time..
My breasts are not stress toys (DH could do with learning that too)

IDoTakeTwo · 28/04/2013 19:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NotAnotherPackedLunch · 28/04/2013 19:38

After peeing, no shimmying up to the toilet roll holder and rubbing your willy against it, leaving the dirty paper on the roll for the next poor sod.

Bearfrills · 28/04/2013 17:40

I also have another rule to add:

No giving yourself hickeys.

The 3yo has been sucking on his arm all afternoon and will be going to school covered in them tomorrow Hmm

Bearfrills · 28/04/2013 17:38

As well as teaching DS that he can't do a standing up poo, I'm going to have to teach that it's entirely impractical for her to do a standing up wee. At the moment she mimes having a wee by leaning back at the hips and sort of waggling her privates around (makes me wonder what DH and DS really do in the bathroom and explains a lot ...) -I'm thankful she's still in nappies!

MrsJoeGargery · 28/04/2013 17:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsMc82 · 28/04/2013 17:29

Don't touch the dogs bum hole... or willy

Don't give mummy bogies that youve just picked out of your nose

Keep your trousers and pants on when at your friends houses

Don't flash your bottom at visitors

lucysmam · 28/04/2013 17:19

your big sister is not a bed to go to sleep on!

the big clothes airer is oh so very not a climbing frame!!!

HandMini · 28/04/2013 16:10

Don't bash your baby sister

Don't bash your baby sisters bouncy chair springing her out of it on to her head

Don't pick up rancid, trodden on old raisins from the bottom of the pram basket and eat them in front of anyone we know

NorksAreMessy · 28/04/2013 16:06

:o 'don't feed the rats pompoms' and 'there is no such thing as a standing up poo' utterly brilliant.