House rules I forgot to make.

Rules my mum wishes she had made:
Don't put your bowl of cornflakes on your brother's head
Don't turn on both taps in the en suite, plug the overflow then leave the room
Don't run outside naked when it's snowing
Don't bend down so your sister can stand on your back to unlock the front door
Don't help eachother get undressed in public
Don't attempt to make perfume
Don't set fire to things with a magnifying glass
Don't swing upside down from anything
Don't drop the hamster off the bunk bed

There were 4 of us including a set of twins, so we had plenty of opportunity to get up to mischief

tears of laugher. Please can this thread go in classics?

What to add?
...
It is not possible to stop needing a wee by effort of will if you are busy playing. The wee is going to come out.
You must remove ALL items of clothing before getting in the bath.
Do not use toys that are not water-tight to transport water from the bathroom to your bedroom.
Do not attempt to conduct water-based games in your bedroom.

Don't brush my hair with the loo brush. I know you were trying to be helpful, but I was being sick and the time and it really didn't help.

Do not run around the house naked in front of 2 police officers who have come to take a statement from me after a vandal was caught wrecking my car!!

Never put a sock in a toaster.

Never put jam on a magnet.

Ahem.

To DD aged 2

The subwoofer is NOT somewhere to store Happyland people, socks or raisins, however inviting the hole on the front may be.

Neither is down my top or in my bra.

My toothbrush is not for cleaning the bath, thank you.

Sharing is good, except when it is your cast off crisp/raisin/biscuit which you have thoughtfully pre-chewed.

It isn't necessary for more than one of you to wee in the same toilet at the same time, and I don't want to hear about "crossing the streams".

Stop filling up the freezer with containers full of ice with Lego Han Solo mini-figures embedded in them. It's pointless, because by the time you get them to school to show your friends, it will just be a Lego person in a box of slush.

The horse's head does not live in my bed.
Do not make magic potions with my expensive bath oil.
Stop trying to fold your little sister in half.
No you cannot tape up your little sister's hands to stop her pulling your hair.

If you piss me off I will take you to Meadowhall hell for the day
^^

No, it is NOT your turn to drive

You are two years old.

Don't stick your dinner to the wall

No pooing at the table
Don't touch your brothers willy
Don't fill the washing machine with the recycling
Do not use mummy as a trampoline (why? Was the response to this request)

Made me think of this:

Don't do,
Don't do,
Don't do that.
Don't pull faces,
Don't tease the cat.

Don't pick your ears,
Don't be rude at school.
Who do they think I am?

Some kind of fool?

One day
they'll say
Don't put toffee in my coffee
don't pour gravy on the baby
don't put beer in his ear
don't stick your toes up his nose.

Don't put confetti on the spaghetti
and don't squash peas on your knees.

Don't put ants in your pants
don't put mustard in the custard
don't chuck jelly at the telly
and don't throw fruit at the computer
don't throw fruit at the computer.

Don't what?
Don't throw fruit at the computer.
Don't what?
Don't throw fruit at the computer.
Who do they think I am?
Some kind of fool?

Michael Rosen

Don't lick the windows.

Don't sellotape little notes to the furniture - this is a child who asks if she can have a crisp when there is an open packet in front of her - why would she sellotape things to my house?????

Don't leave an eyeball on the mantle piece
Don't clean your riding boots with your brother's face flannel
Don't bring any dead creatures back from the beach
Don't bring any live creatures back from the beach

Don't put the cat in the Laundry Basket. Especially when the next person to open the basket is your poor, easily surprised Daddy, who really did not appreciate a cat hanging off his face.

Don't ride the scooter down the stairs.

Don't suck the loo brush.

(Ugh)

We also should have "do not drink out of the dog's bowl". I might have considered having this as a rule if we actually had a dog.

ROARING at these! Brilliant!

Is this what my future holds? DD still small, surely have a few months left until standing up poos become a reality

Do not ask the postie if he wants to see your mummy's tattoo oh by the way it's on her bum.

Do not eat all the Cornettos and leave the empty box in the freezer so when I go to get one I'm immensely disappointed. It gives me the rage.

You cannot make soup out of undiluted squash, cornflakes and shower gel.

No slut drops. Especially not at 4yo .

half baked, yes we have that one as well as leave your brothers bum alone!

Do not pull your brothers Willy in the bath.