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Original poster

House rules I forgot to make.

413 replies

CadleCrap · 28/04/2013 09:23

Don't comb the soap. Hmm

OP posts:
Shaky · 29/04/2013 23:50

Queen I think our children are twins separated at birth.

You really made me laugh x

Shaky · 29/04/2013 23:48

Sudocrem is just for bums, NOT for teddies, the cat, the carpet, mummy's handbag, your tea, the TV, the walls or iggle piggle Sad

queenjellybelly · 29/04/2013 23:45

1, If you throw your sisters ipod in the bin, tell us before the rubbish is collected.
2, Do not announce in company that "daddy has a really big willy".
3, Do not chew shoes.
4, Do not chew the sofa.
5, Pizza should never do a cycle in the washing machine.
6, the cat flap is not for posting the remote control out of.
7, do not use money as loo roll.

MadameOvary · 29/04/2013 23:33

These are brilliant Grin

Shaky · 29/04/2013 23:17

Do not take off your nappy that is full of poo before calling for mum or dad first. Your display of independence is impressive yet unnecessary.

Do not eat the cat's food.

Do not trap your fingers in the conservatory door

HellesBelles396 · 29/04/2013 23:08

don't put my comb in my moisturiser...

2712 · 29/04/2013 22:16

Do not keep shouting "There's a snake in my trousers" at school when it should be "There's a snake in my boot".
Thanks Woody.

Glitterkitten24 · 29/04/2013 21:44

Do not put your shoes in the bath while its running.

Do not offer me a big kiss when I'm telling you off for putting said shoes in bath.

Yoghurt is not for your hair.

Do not pick your nose with crayons. Or preferably at all.

LittleDirewolfBitJoffrey · 29/04/2013 21:36

Don't pretend to be a cat, dog, the Hulk when we're out.
Don't sit on the dog. Any dog. Same goes for the cats.
Don't hit your brother with his own hand. Even if he giggles lots.
Don't pull your brother by his ankle. Even if he giggles lots.
Don't bash your brother on the head. Even if he giggles lots.

Don't encourage your sister to rough you up. Even if you seem to enjoy it.

No screaming at each other as a means of communication. Hmm

Sh1ney · 29/04/2013 21:32

Don't put your willy on the ipad.

LaGuardia · 29/04/2013 21:11

Do not use my Nintendo DS to take an individual photo of every one of your Sylvanian figures.
Do not drag your wicker chair over to the light switch so you can administer your ear drops into it.
Freezer doors are not for swinging on.
You are five years old. Anyone who knocks at the door is definitely not knocking for you.
My shoes are just that. Mine.

amazingmumof6 · 29/04/2013 20:59

no smearing poo on the bedroom wall

Doinmummy · 29/04/2013 20:57

Do not store your bogies in an earring box to see if you can make one massive bogie.

dementedma · 29/04/2013 20:55

Stick together, look out for each other, don't mix your drinks and no random shagging without protection.
What? They grow up!

Shaky · 29/04/2013 20:53

This thread is brilliant, I love it.

Mine are -

Do NOT poo in the bath. It is not hilarious.

Do NOT try and stick your finger in the cats bum. She does not like it.

Do NOT pull the cats tail. She will scratch you.

Do NOT take a sanitary towel out of my handbag and tell grandad that you have got a lovely present for him. Blush

All drawing is to be done on paper, NOT the table, sofa, walls, TV, or my face.

DVDs are NOT frisbees

crazydrunkevilhamster · 29/04/2013 19:39

Ooh Sp you just reminded me of loads one Grin

Just because you are an Uncle (ds 4.5) does not mean you get to tell your neice off (2.5)

You are not in charge just because you are Dn's Uncle does not mean you can get away with smacking her

Your 12 year old neice does not under any circumstances want you to embarrass her by showing her your piddle in front of her friends
Also remember it is Dn looking after you not the other way round just because you are her Uncle

pedrohedges · 29/04/2013 18:35

No shouting "mum, i've curled one off" after you have emptied your bowels.

No dragging your little butt across the floor after you have had a poop. You are not a worm riddled dog.

Cherrypi · 29/04/2013 18:28

Don't put your lunch in the washing machine.
Don't wake mummy up by sticking your finger deep in her ear.

MerlotforOne · 29/04/2013 18:23

From student days: don't dry your underwear in the microwave (especially not underwired bras Hmm

More recent:
You cannot ride the dog (even if he is 'as big as a horse')
The clothes line prop is NOT a jousting stick and grandma is NOT a dragon

motherinferior · 29/04/2013 18:11

Do not blame the cat for the drawings on the walls.

homemadepesto · 29/04/2013 18:04

Do not lick hand rails when riding the train

TheHouseofMirth · 29/04/2013 17:48

People who are 4 years old (or older) should not poo in the (thankfully empty) laundry basket then wee so much that it leaks out all over the Lego base plate you have thoughtfully put under it on to the carpet.

Flatiron · 29/04/2013 17:42

Do not stage mock car crashes in the (recently re-carpeted) living room using an entire bottle of ketchup for blood.

TheHerringScreams · 29/04/2013 17:09

Just because you are an uncle doesn't mean you can drive. You are five.

No sitting the dog on the toilet for a poo.

The IPad IS NOT MEANT TO TOUCH YOUR WILLY [shudder]

SPsYoniTheOneAndOnly · 29/04/2013 16:52

Stop licking that/her/him/them/it

Willies must say in pants and mum doesn't need to look at it all day.

No willies out while eating.

No tampons to be stored in your underwear.

Dont ask strangers if they want to see Mickey then pull your pants down.

Just because you are older then your uncle doesn't mean you can push him.

when your uncle sits on you tough shit