House rules I forgot to make.

A lot of these are really good! Although worrying of what I might have to put up with.

Please don't torpedo my tampons into the shower whilst I'm in there. Or at all.

Or run around with them in your mouth (thankfully they were out the cupboard and not the bin!)

Please don't drag your cousin round the living room by her top. It's not nice.

Or push her over when she's standing next to the sofa. She's only just learnt to stand and will fall over.

Leave the winding to us. You'll hurt her back.

And stop calling a lot of guys daddy. Half of them look scared!

Don't spit yoghurt at your twin sister.

Dog bowl is not a potty.

Do not beautifully colour yourself in with Black Permanent Marker and announce proudly "Look, Mummy, Batman" because it will take days to come off and we will get funny looks in the supermarket. (DS)

Do not climb on the chair arm and slide down the standard lamp with cries of "Fireman Sam". (DS)

Your brick trolley does not need to be washed in the washing up bowl - especially when you have washed it several times that week already. (DD)

Do not touch the washing machine - especially do not work out how to release the childproof lock on the washing machine and flood the kitchen. (DD)

Do not microwave your little brother's baby monitor.
Pirates only ever wear one eyepatch.

You can't have tomato ketchup with tomato soup (though mayonnaise is fine)

Don't repeat Mummy's PIN number out loud to the whole street as she types it in at the cash machine

Don't use the whole roll of toilet paper in one go

If you are going to play Anagrams on the train, make sure you are not going through Newark
(I witnessed this rule being broken - the entire carriage was in silent hysterics on hearing "Daddy is there a word "**nker"?)

These made my day :D

Do not tell the bus driver you know how babies are made, and that because your mummy has had 3 babies in her tummy her and daddy have done "the sexy" only 3 times :-S

REGOLE DI CASA / HOUSE RULES :

1. don't use mummys lipstick to paint your toes. Don't use mummys nail varnish to paint your lips.

1. don't make playdough pizzas in mummys bed.

1. avoid filling kettle with soil and trying to cook it !

arghhhhhhhh

Glue is not suncream and shouldn't be slathered all over your body, and all your little friends.

Mummy's work laptop must not be mistaken for a wiifit platform. It does not respond well to step aerobics, and neither does the IT manager.

Don't hit people with the baby Jesus (from the wooden Nativity scene).

Don't post all glow stick inside the sewing machine.

No lemonade unless Mummy & Daddy are drinking booze.

Don't lever the cats' mouths open to make them eat your lunch. They don't like pineapple.

No, their bottoms don't like pineapple either.

Forgot: do not kiss snails on the mouth.

Do not wipe your pooey bottom on a napkin, especially not a napkin taken from the table in the middle of a dinner party.

Do not use your baby brother's finger to pick your nose.

Do not brush your teeth with the loo brush.

Do not hook sharp knives off the kitchen counter using a broom.

Do not climb inside the tumble dryer.

Do not scooter down the four-storey flight of stairs.

Don't fight over who gets the smash a stick into the puddle,

Hoes are not light sabres.

nail varnish is not make for putting on your face and lips like makeup.

stop pressing mommies snooze button - my alarm goes off for a reason and you have made me wake up late 3 times in the last fortnight!!

if you have an accident in the night - do not leave your wet pants and pyjamas on the floor in the hallway then proceed to get in to my bed completley naked and still a little bit damp

random men in the street do not want to be my new boyfriend please stop asking them!!

when we go to warwick castle mommy does not want to spend the whole day either in the playground or climbing up and down the tower continously!!

Stop strumming your minnie, it doesn't play a tune.
Don't tell Granny's female friend to scrape the spikes from her chin.
Don't wake me up by peeling open my eyelids and trying to lick my eyeball.
Don't tell anyone who will listen that Mummy's bum is hairier than Daddy's (it isn't I hasten to add).
Pleas stop asking me how many minutes it is until Christmas. It's only fucking April!!!!

When you are 4 and I ask you to tell me if your newborn sister wakes up, don't be helpful and try to carry her upstairs!!!
Don't lose your temper with your painting and throw your brush , loaded with red paint , at the white kitchen ceiling

I am so glad that we're not the only house to have a No Pants - No Dinner rule.

Do not colour in your penis with a permanent marker.

When mummy puts the iPad down for a minute, don't delete all the boring work she's done to write a letter to Father Christmas, he won't be coming now.
What goes on in the toilet is of no interest to the postman or the meter reader.
Do not draw on walls, do not draw on paper then glue it to the walls as a cunning way of getting round the no drawing on walls rule, just leave the walls alone.
You can't have a brick and you can't smash a shovel against the house to knock a brick out for you to have because 'the house has so many' yes the house does need all of them.

Your Yorkshire pudding isn't a flannel, the gravy isn't soap. Therefore do not wash your face with either (to someone else's child I might add).