Have you ever encountered anyone this cheeky?

I'm still half way reading these but i'll add my ones in whilst i bookmark my place.

I was due to get married, had the dress, bridesmaids etc and i cancelled the wedding with a few months til the big day. I was getting used to living alone and was really struggling for money. A colleague saud "please dont think im being pushy but would you consider selling me your wedding dress?" It was a great solution and she came round to try it on. She absolutely loved it and her mum was coming from the other end of the country so asked could she take it home to show her mum? She only lived two streets away so i agreed.

On the monday she told me she def wanted it and could she hold on to it and give me the cash. The money of course never appeared and when showing the office photos of her new niece there was my dress hanging in the background hundreds of miles away at her mums. Im hoping God frowns upon marrying in church in a stolen wedding dress!

The other one was my SIL she had gone on and on about a certain buggy so i told dh that it might be a good present to get her when preg with the first baby in the family. He gave her the buggy but the next day we came home to it in the middle of our lounge. It had a post it note stuck on it saying "please return this and give me the money" She'd taken the emergency key off MIL. I didnt want to return it but dh did so he waited the full 28 days we had under the returns policy.

When I was extremely heavily pregnant and very sick in my twin pregnancy I was sitting in the lounge in the shade with all the doors and windows open for some air in hot August weather and I heard some children who were not my children in our kitchen so I went to investigate and it was the neighbour's step child and her friend, they had taken the fence panel out, their dog (pitbull cross!!) was pissing all over our garden and the children had walked mud from their hose toy all through the kitchen and climbed up on our kitchen counters to help themselves to our glasses so they could use our squash and the ice machine on our fridge!!! The neighbour thought I wouldn't mind!

I did mind.

They never did it again.

They had never been in our house before either or had permission to use our garden. For a while they were repeatedly climbing over our gate to get into their house too because they didn't fancy taking their keys. They thought they had access rights, I explained they didn't it stopped.

I watch them like a hawk... Knobheads...

Or a quick text on a nice day, 'Say, are you all free? We are heading to XY park for a BBQ/picnic and bringing the footballs/kites/scooters/bikes for the kids. Care to come along?'

But not say, so as to guilt you into paying. But something like, 'I really enjoy your company. Things are tight, though, care to come round with the kids? There will be cake, jelly and ice cream, tea and coffee :).' And then suggest a time.

'I can see how it happens with friends who "can't pay" - '

That's because they are never friends, those who truly can't pay will turn the invite down, over and over again, or suggest something else to do that is cheap.

We're pretty skint. Lots of our friends are, too, and know that. So instead of going out we invited one another over for coffee, tea, cakes and kids playing together. Especially flush times are times to ask them over for a simple but good meal.

Friends are about company, companionship and support.

A mate cuts my hair. If I don't have money to pay her, I wait till I do to ask her to cut my hair.

I am loving this thread, nothing like a nice bit of righteous indignation! I can see how it happens with friends who "can't pay" - when I was at Uni I had a friend who would always wait until we were in the taxi before declaring "I haven't got any money so someone else will have to pay my share" - and I'd often see her pull a fiver out of her pocket to buy a packet of fags afterwards. She would go on and on about being skint in a competitive way, always had to outdo anyone else who dared mention not having much left for the month (we were all skint students!) but I saw her online banking once... Definitely not the poverty case she made out!

A friend who is extremely self absorbed made me find my backbone recently. She's just opened a cafe and she asked me if I would bake her a cake once a week to sell in her cafe.

I asked "so how would that work for money - would I let you know how much I spent on ingredients & we would come to an agreement on how much you'd pay me?"

The answer "oh I didnt plan to pay you - I was thinking you would do it for free"!!!!!!!!!!!

Well the answer will be NO then!

She also asked me if I could work one morning a week - she didnt plan to pay me for that either. Eh NO again!

But the amazing thing is other people are baking cakes for her for free - think I need to direct them to this thread to make them see that she's taking the piss!

Stuffez I'd have bitten it, the rude cah!

My mother had a friend that was a complete user. She used to suggest that her and DM take all of the kids, she had 2 and DM had 2, out for dinner. Then when then bill came, friend would have no money to pay and DM would stump up.

Friend also went to a shop that was closing down and only accepting cash with my mother and father and decide she wanted to buy something. Asked DM to pay for it as she had no cash. By this stage in their friendship DM had wised up and said no. Friend then pulled out the cash to pay. When DM said I thought you had no cash, friend replied, "This is my rent".

Friend used to complain to DM that it was unfair because both my parents worked and she was single so had less than them. I think that's why DM was such a sap for years, she felt bad for her.

Ooh expat's reply is spot on - send that!!unbelievable cheek.

Thought of a horrible one from years ago when I was a student. I managed to save a couple of grand before going to Uni so actually had some money saved in my ISA. A housemate of mine was in financial shit and borrowed £700 off me. As we neared the end of our tenancy I started to get uncomfortable but she assured me I'd get it back, and she'd never stiff a friend, etc.

I don't know when I actually twigged, but I just remember going into her room one day and it was totally empty. She had packed up and moved out while I was out the house. She wouldn't answer the phone to me and when I found her parents number and she answered she went dead quiet and hung up on me.

Eventually I contacted her mum who worked for the university. She met me in a cafe and gave me a cheque for the full amount. Then - I swear to God - she pointed her fucking finger in my face and told me never to contact her daughter again. I wish I'd snapped it off.

I don't think counts as cheeky so much as crashingly insensitive. But hopefully someone will get enjoyment out of reading it :)

Oh I have one. Very mild in comparison to most others but still worth a mention.

Cheeky friend who guilt tripped me into giving her and her DD an invitation to my son's b'day party.

Spent the entire time with a face like thunder and complained it was too noisy (fgs, it's a group of excited 6 year olds hopped up to the eyeballs on sugar - of course it's gonna be noisy)!

Just to put the icing on the cake (ha ha) she spent a large portion of time talking to my abusive XP and told me "I'm sorry to say this, I know what you said but he seems really nice to me".

I've got another one: a 'friend' who I am studiously ignoring. I have yet to tell her I don't want to see her again.

She's always been massively self-centred and self-obsessed, but I've let a lot of it slide because she had a terrible childhood blah blah blah. She's a single mum and her pfb is adorable. She and baby have stayed with DH and I twice.

The first time, she was pinned to our sofa breastfeeding so we spent all our time chatting. It was fine(ish), except she talks incessantly about breastfeeding. Neither DH nor I got a word in edgeways. It was a relief when she went.

The second time she came, her little girl was 7 months old and needed entertaining. I spent the whole time with the baby - playing, changing nappies and so on. And clearing up the stuff that she just dumped on the floor such as wipes, calpol sachets... And listening to her complain about how the temperature of our spare room - as if she wasn't responsible for having left the window open all bloody day and night. Both of our sofas were covered in baby clothes and gubbins (there is space in the spare room) and nowhere for us to sit. And she was still going on and on and on and on about breastfeeding. (We can't have kids, so I don't have strong opinions about BF vs. FF. But I now know more than I ever cared to know about foremilk and hindmilk.)

DH retreated to our bedroom because she rarely spoke to him. When I say 'spoke', I mean 'asked him a question about himself'. I've been used to it, but he was really fecked off.

The absolute classic was her telling me, the day before she was due to arrive, that she'd invited a mutual friend and their children round our house. I like this friend and enjoy their company but FFS... it's our bloody home, not her sodding holiday home!

DH and I have agreed that baby is welcome to come back and stay with us any time - she was adorable and well behaved. Her mother is not welcome.

This definitely the best thread ever.

I must try and think of some good stories.

Oh yes, buy a house in a nice location and you'll be amazed how many friends you'll suddenly have.

My parents have a house by the sea. They were not too surprised when an old mate from school that they had not heard from in decades, suddenly invited himself and his family over. They were somewhat surprised when he then arrived with 2 other families in tow, people my parents had never met before.

Note how quickly pisstakers drop you or cease contact the second you cut off their gravy train. That is because pisstakers, cheeky buggers and cheapskates are NOT and never were your friends. They don't have real friends because they are entitled, self-absorbed twats.

MrsRajesh- type out expat's reply word for word and send that. It will be so liberating.

MrsK you sound so lovely and friendly, it makes my blood boil to think of so many lovely people like you being taken advantage of by the CFs!

MrsRajesh.

No, it's not okay and it is a miscommunication if you thought it was. That doesn't work for me. You will need to make other childcare arrangements.'

No 'sorry' or excuses, because I remember the original thread. This person is a piss-taker.

Get this through: Pisstakers are NOT and were NEVER friends.

Friends don't use other friends over and over and offer nothing in return and not even a fecking thank you or offer of money, favours, etc.

I have two stories about my horrible grandad and wife.

My parents live in Spain. Grandad couldn't give a shit about mum while she lived over here, but for the last few years has gone over to stay with mum for a fortnight 'because it's cheap'. He has a good pension, more than one holiday a year, and my parents live hand to mouth. They don't expect to pay for anything when they stay, and will only pay for the odd round of drinks (but very grudgingly).

A few years ago my DB had an accident and broke his neck. I called my parents (obviously) and made arrangements for them both to come over. This all clashed with the intended holiday. They couldn't have cared less about my DB - they were so sure that their holiday would go ahead and he wouldn't have his parents around while he was in hospital / having a serious op to repair his neck. He could have been paralysed. Happily, DB's op went well and he's fine, but they haven't stopped moaning about their cancelled flight since.

My MIL has a second home near the beach, which she doesn't rent out but occasionally lends to very close friends and her family. My mother accidentally mentioned this to grandad in passing. He phoned me straight away to ask if I would ask her to lend it to them. I haven't asked. Apparently his wife mentioned to my aunt that they were surprised not to have heard from me about it...

Mum and dad have had a procession of distant relatives and scrounging friends crawl out of the woodwork since they moved. I'm much harder than them and would have told some of them to fuck off.

clickable link
will read later as I think that;s going to be a good one :)

My cheeky friend who I wrote about here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/1734914-Hows-this-for-cheeky

has gotten back to me about my 'childminding duties'.

Anyone fancy decoding this?

Heyy will u still b ok 2 hav XXXX on the sat mornin that I work still it will b 4 anotha six sats coz I only hav 12wks left at work and I do everyotha sat x

The last time we had an actual conversation that wasn't about her needing childcare was the 19th of November.

Don't panic though, I'm saying no. Hoping expat or someone similar will draft me a reply!!

I'd have assumed that gooseberry woman was indeed entitled to the fruit that I'd thought was mine, and that I had got it wrong

I'd never describe myself as a push-over but actually, when faced with such unbelievable cheek - made all the worse in this case by the astonishing tongue lashing I received for eating my own gooseberries - there can be a moment when you start doubting the truth of the matter!

I have also remembered two other, "everyday tales of countryfolk" (one of which is also fruit-based) that are similar and also notable for the very bad grace demonstrated by the cheeky fuckers in question.

1. We have blackberries growing behind our garden. As do all the neighbours. There are very many blackberries available. So on another nice sunny afternoon in late summer we were minding our own business picking some to make jam and some nice warming blackberry vodka. Houseguests of our former neighbour arrived at the bottom of our garden (with children and containers) to demand that we left "plenty for us". When I pointed out that there were enough blackberries to feed a small town out there, I was told that this was immaterial. There were 4 of them and 2 of us so we had no business being greedy.

1. The same neighbour (who was actually lovely) held a small house-warming party not long after she moved in. One of her guests parked his large van in our front garden, churning up the grass in the process. On going out to ask him to move the vehicle, Rude Van Man shouted something unintelligible at us. On asking, for the second time if the van could be moved, DP was immediately interrupted by the Rude Van Man who shouted "What the fuck is the matter with you people? Didn't you hear me the first time? Is this No. 3?". DP assured him it wasn't and that our garden wasn't a car park either. RVM moved, with a very bad grace and complained to our neighbours about our unreasonable attitude!! She was, in fairness, mortified. RVM, incidentally, was a member of an exceedingly well known orchestra but his musical talent appeared to come at the cost of cultivating even the most basic manners.

I forgot my SIL (I try to, always).

She is the Golden Child and DH is the Scapegoat in their family. She was horrible over our wedding, because she was for once going to be eclipsed by her brother and SIL was obviously having difficulty with that. So after various tiresome difficulties, we had our wedding and she didn't ruin it (thanks to my sister, who was grimly keeping her in check). It was a morning wedding followed by a long lunch then drinks, and by 6 pm DH and I (5 months pregnant) were ready to leave.

Cue histrionics from SIL because no one had arranged transport for her to get home. It was a London wedding. SIL had lived in London nearly 20 years by this point, but apparently being expected to get from Chelsea to Maida Vale by herself at 6pm on a winter's evening was a bloody outrageous liberty, and why on earth would anyone expect the Sister Of The Groom to be responsible for her own transport home? We declined MIL's suggestion that we delay our departure to arrange and pay for her taxi, and bogged off to our posh hotel. SIL was still complaining to people about this over a year later.