fecking animals are driving me nuts and i am going to kill them all

Dog: 2 and a half hours out in the woods off lead (we got lost... ) and you come home and DIG UP MY GARDEN in the 25 minutes I was fetching the kids. Bitch.

Cat 1: 10 minutes to get through the cat flap at night. WHy?

Cat 2: In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out.

I feel everyone's pain stupid dog is actually sitting looking at me whinging for a treat but I am not getting up as the baby is napping. If I move a leg he jumps up and circles. I'm just moving my leg!!! Stupid cat cries constantly for food at 3am she is old now though and blind and deaf so has no clue about life

The cat - in and out, in and out ALL night up and down up and down, climbing the door frames and slding down commando style...the back out and then back in. If I lock her in or out she howls.

The rats - bang, crash all night long in their massive cage chasing each other ans secretly post all their bedding out through the bars....

But we love them really - I think these are all signs of happy animals.

This is why I stopped at cats. ..think a dog would send me over the edge!

Thank you for reminding me why I will never, ever have a pet that's any harder work than a goldfish.

We have 3 bastard cats, they are in and out and in and out and in and out all bloody day long, only one cat can enter or exit the door at the time so you by the time sit down after letting a cat in/out another wails/paws a door/picks a carpet so you have to get up again, sometimes I think I could cry!

The dog at the moment is quite happily sitting in front of the telly totally engrossed......in nothing, the fecking telly off, it is a black screen!!!

moult moult moult mud mud mud lick lick scratch scratch moult moult moult mud mud beg moult moult moult scratch moult chase beg moult mud

It's not a good time for pets, is it?

I so agree with you OP. Was going to start similar thread yesterday as I vacuumed up in places I'd already vacuumed that bloody day. There are dust/hair bunnies everywhere in my flipping house, splash marks where the bloody 2 yo dog bounces back in from the garden with a muddy tail and paws, torn up dog beds (the 2 yo again), a bad smell and deafening snoring (the 13 yo dog), sodding miaowing cat trying to kill me by tripping my up about 6-7 times a day or whenever he decides it's time for another smackerel of something. They are doing my head in. If I put them out in the garden, the dogs go off visiting every other house in the village, even arthritic I-can-barely-get-out-my-bed-feel-sorry-for-me 13 yo buggers off whenever he gets the chance. As soon as I go to the kitchen to make a hot drink, they lie behind me hoping to be fed. Everything in this fucking house expects me to feed it all the time.

Am seriously, seriously considering having an outdoor enclosure for the dogs for the daytime, so at least I can a bit of a break from them.

Mumsnetter not mumsnet tear

One of the best names on here is a mumsnet tear called 'mycatisabastard'

I'm always impressed at the lengths birds will go to to escape my cats. Flying up the waste pipe covering and appearing in the bathroom when I open up the hatch to track down the fluttering noise (YAAAAHHHH!) Hiding behind the washing machine and dying tucked up in the motor. Hiding behind the utility door (fooled my DH, but not the cats!) Flying around the kitchen and crapping on all the surfaces in a bid to play keepaway.

Birds. I definitely prefer them outside flying about, not inside my house crapping everywhere and shedding feathers.

Bloody dog is already moulting!
WTF?
It's freezing out, why is he moulting?
Bastard animals.

Oh oh! And another one!! We had a cat who got poisoned last year. But before he got his wings he caught and ate THE EARS off a baby rabbit, He picked the patio for this horror show. Kids were traumatised for weeks.

As the poor rabbit was still alive I had to chase off the cat, and was faced with the dilemma of what to do with the shrieking earless baby bunny. I bottled it & called a neighbour (I live in the country in case you can't guess!).

Poor animals :(

I would re-home them if I were you. They deserve to be with owners that love them and give them a happy home. Someone ought to report you lot to the RSPCA.

I'm teasing!

One of my cats pisses in the bathroom sink.

Waits until you are on the loo, then come and sits in the sink next to you and happily puddles whilst staring in a blissed out manner. Bloody oddball. I am tempted to spray her with Mr Muscle.

Oh so glad I read this. Dog follows me round everywhere with sheepish neediness. Does he adore me? Does he arse, he's a hungry fecker. All he wants is to eat all the food, while ignoring the premium-brand expensive stuff in his bowl.

He drives me batshit. If I put him out, he'll bark and whine at the windows to get back in. I think I like him 10% of the time.

My dog is such an emotional guilt trip... he's incredibly sensitive and can't stand raised voices. he cowers by the toilet

He should be living with an old granny instead of a house full of shouty teenage boys

Mud! Dog + Mud = Aaaaaargh

Oh god cat shit on cables - one of mine did that to my laptop cable when she was a kitten (which also sent me into a yowling rage as I had to pack up my laptop for a meeting in That London with bigwigs as well).

I remember a poor dead mouse once - I couldn't work out what was on the floor so bent down and peered closely - it turned out to be a poor mouse's FACE with whiskers, the rest of him had been devoured.

They have also dragged in dead bats (which terrified dd when she was younger as we also live next to a graveyard) and on one memorable occasion a whole dead crow was yanked through the cat flap, black feathers all over the place.

Then they come up to be dribbling and want a cuddle.

The snow is deeper than my dog, (she's an average sized dog).

Consequently the area immediately surrounding my back door is carpeted in yellow snow.

She has refused to go for a walk since Friday as she dislikes all weather.

The cats are the happiest I've ever seen them. I have one who loves water and one who isn't bothered either way. Apparently they both adore snow over a foot deep

I have two cats and they daily walk a slippery slope especially the one that cries all feckin day for goddamn dreamies then wants in, out, in, out etc

They won't eat their expensive foodfucking dreamies have ruined me and spend most of the day whinging to be fed.

Love them though :o

It's like having a stalker - every time I move I can feel my dog looking at me. Each time I take a deep breath he looks expectantly. He comes in the car with me a lot and spends his whole time looking in the mirror so when I check my mirror all I see are his big beautiful eyes. I play a game in the evenings where I deliberately slow my breathing and lull him into a false sense of sleepiness and then I change my pattern of breathing - it confuses him!

I'm sure that the mere action of me looking at him causes an inexplicable reaction of lots of his fur falling on to my newly hoovered carpet. It's a never ending battle of woman against fur - and I'm losing.

And don't get me started on the mud!

My cat crapped all over the cabling behind the TV about 20 minutes before I was due to leave to catch a booked train for the first Jolly Important Meeting of my new job with big wigs in That London.

I was thrilled.

My cats' recent crimes are:

Pissing in the bath
Shitting on the front door mat secretly so the post falls into it
Pissing on a pile of photographs, books and other items of sentimental value
Constantly yowling with the intent to wake DD up whenever she is asleep
Waking us at 6am without fail
As I type this biting me on the foot.