fecking animals are driving me nuts and i am going to kill them all

GetOeuf I just mis - read your post as a "whole dead cow dragged in through the catflap". That really would be impressive, if harder to clear up than your average dead mouse...

Dogs and cats are shit pets. What you need is a lovely, cuddly panda

YY, lamb vortex, classic

What is it about doors and cats? If it is closed they want it open, then if it is open, they sit next to it and stare at it. I'm bored of the door opening/ closing game. It is too cold to play

We have never had a cat flap and have had our cat for 15 years, our neighbours tell us she goes into their house via the cat flap and eat their cat's food. No wonder the two of them fight when they see each other!

Also my lovely cat did an enormous fur ball that brought up its last meal...all over an Aran jumper in my wardrobe...it is a good thing I love her dearly.

pmsl at "lamb vortex".

We don't have indoor pets,thank goodness.My current bete noir are sheep.They are bastards indeed.They can't be turned out because of the cold & snow,so have taken over every barn on the farm.I went in to fill the mangers yesterday and the evil things rushed at me because they could see 2 bags of feed in the corner on the other side of the gate.They nearly knocked me over and proceeded to trample each other in an effort to get into the bags.And they crapped all over the hay that I was trying to pitchfork up.Then all their lambs get excited and race around the shed in the same direction en masse,forming a kind of lamb vortex which you can't cross without getting legged over.

The ewes are very adept at jumping out of their pens and abandoning their newborns.I saw one jump a 3ft pen yesterday-had no idea they could jump so high,but at least if they are jumping out,they aren't squashing and suffocating their lambs.Grrrr,had enough already.

Compared to sheep,the ponies are no trouble,no mucking out because they live out all the time.DD2's pony has got very silly due to not being ridden so much and likes to freak out at stuff he's seen before every day,DD1's is a bit bitey and face pully,but ok to ride.The guinea pigs never give me any gyp.

My dog was spayed on Friday.

She is a 11 month old Lab banned from exercising, jumping up and getting excited. So basically banned from being a Labrador.

My entire being is spent trying to stop her doing something that will cause her entrails to spill on the floor. Bastard.

at this thread!

See, this is why I don't have cats, pissing in baths/sinks, walking on kitchen surfaces, getting inside duvet covers, giving birth under the duvet on your bed while you sleep - friend of mine, I can't be doing with that kind of shit.

My GS's are too big to get in the sink, run away from the bath in case they get washed and are generally luffly. Except when the fuckers chew through pipes from the solar panels and rip the garden to shreds - I mean, who chews roses? they have thorns you idiots.

And they don't get on the beds or sofa because they know they'll get called Oi!, fingers clicked at them and a thumb over my shoulder indicating which direction they are to slink off - no mercy, me

Just took Youngdog and cat (!) for a 2.5 mile walk and all serenity is restored mainly because the little feckers are now too tired for mischief.

pepperrabbit I think you just beat me in the frogs & yuk stakes

TooMany mine is part Yorkie - obviously the annoying part. The pissing we get is "Visitor!! Visitor!! Let me welcome them with a spiral - yes, a special spiral - of piss". If she peed on clean clothes she would have been recycled by now.

This is my favourite thread ever.

Cat wants out.
yowls.
I open front door.
Cat hovers.
I shiver.
Doesnt like weather and holds me responsible.
Ambles to back door.
Yowls.
I open back door.
Blasted by wind.
Cat holds me responsible.
Ambles to front door.
Yowls...

rinse and repeat

We thought we had the house rabbit proofed.
Hah!
He's chewed a bunny shaped hole in the board we had up protecting wires and stuck his head through..
ooo Electric spaghetti!
Chomp.
Printer no longer working.

My two dogs fecking shed all year round. And when I sweep up or vacuum up the hair, they deliberately go and shed more on the clean floor, the feckers. I am seriously considering either Veet or varnish!!

Still haven't forgiven the cat for the day I trod on a frog's eyeball and burst it with my bare foot.

Sheshelob You've just described my yorkie to a T...except you missed out the pissing up the open back door/on the clean washing pile/on my pillow. Bastard.

We had our big hairy bastard dog put to sleep last week (she was ill, it wasn't just because I hated her). I'm ashamed to admit it, but good god, the relief! My house is so tidy - no foot high layer of hair rolling around the floor the second I've hoovered! However in a last act of annoyance the vet bill was £159. No wonder the vets sent us a condolence card.

One down, two to go...

You need hounds. So far today it's been sleep pee food food sleep BARK AT BUILDERS sleep sleep. I will try, once again, to take them out for a walk this afternoon but it's so bollock-wizeningly cold here that for the past couple of days i've gone 600m out of the house to discover they've gone 500m, and are staging a baleful sit-in at the bottom of the hill.

Wouldn't mind the cold so much if it would freeze the effing mud. Sigh.

I often think about getting a moggy to deal with any mice but then tales like the bunny torturer put me off...

This.

Dog: Arse. Lick. Arse. Lick. Quiver. Scrounge. Lick. Lick. Lick. Door. Door. Door. Scream (not bark) at Hoover. Scream (not bark) in public when lead is put on. Deep-thoat treat bone too fast. Spew bone foam all over bed. Slurp up bone foam like manna from heaven.

Hateful creature.

Thank god for this thread. I hate my dogs, hate them I tell you.

Senior dog always shadowing me and making me fall over him, but to be fair he does like being a lazy arse and lieing on the sofa all day.

Junior dog is a prat. He only likes his family and has to be convinced to speak to others without silly yapping barking when at home. Out and about? Best dog ever, oh hello new person wag, wag, wag. Prat.

Cats ok she's content to be in or out and isn't demanding at all, so that suits me.

I hate the dog. There I said it.

Mud fur slobber blood. Knocking the baby in the face, knocking the toddler over, licking the babies hand while he's got it hanging over the high chair tray. Stealing the toddlers food, barking and waking the baby, climbing in the sofa.

Always on edge watching following getting under my feet. Argh