what the most hilarious and groundless parental complaint you've ever fielded?

I'm sorry, I'm going to put a downer on a funny thread but...

Complaints that staff won't do desperate parents evening appointments for FULLY GROWN ADULTS who happen to be divorced. Because they can't sit next to each other.

HanneHolm how do you know they aren't divorced due to domestic abuse? Would you like to sit next to someone who had raped you, beaten you or generally made your life a living hell? Take a look in Relationships or Lone Parents, there are people who will use any opportunity to torment and intimidate their ex even years after the split.

To eat not it.

Also, watching the food tech teacher being harangued by a mother because their dd had failed to bring home their cookery, so subsequently the family had nothing to it..... I was totally bemused by it, and the parent was really ranting on and on. I think I stood there catching flies!

A parental complaint that the school had failed to permanently exclude someone who had bitten their dd whilst down town shopping on a Saturday. Not even on the school premises, and why y11 go round biting each other is beyond me. They are meant to be nearly fully grown adults.....

Used to work in the exams office of a FE college.

We had a mother in very indignant that we wouldn't change the date of her daughter's A Levels, because they were meant to be on a beach in Portugal then and would lose money for cancelling. She had assumed it would be fine because she was giving us six months' notice.

But the worst was a bone idle, entitled 18yo Y13 girl who had ordered a full remark of every single paper she had sat at the last session. It was pointed out to her that she would be liable for a large bill if the grades were upheld (from memory you didn't have to pay if the paper had been wrongly marked after all). She accepts, we go ahead.

Unsurprisingly, none of the grades changed, so we duly presented her with a bill for around £450. Her mother came in absolutely raving at us for letting her order all the remarks without her mother's authority, the department would have to absorb the cost, etc etc. It was pointed out to her that the college had a relationship with her adult daughter, not her, and that to contact her in such a situation would therefore be a data protection nightmare.

Unfortunately, although the mother paid up, it resulted in a change of policy at our end, that all copies, recounts and remarks had to be paid for in full before we would send them off. Which I think will have ended up disadvantaging the poorer (in some cases desperately poor) students who couldn't scrape together enough for a single remark in the narrow window between results and remark deadline.

My mother is a primary school teacher. A new family arrived having been posted overseas cue lots of meetings before their child arrived at school, they were worried as their DS was incredibly intelligent, super bright how would he fit into a state school, how would staff cope with such an exceptional child etc etc. Child arrived. Perfectly ordinary slightly below average. When this was politely conveyed at parents evening child was whisked out of school and sent to the local private. Made my mother and her colleagues poor kid though.

DS was a tutor for a year on gap year in New Zealand. Children from all over the world boarded at the school. One boarder didn't go home evenings or weekends despite living 20mins down the road. Last day before Easter break all children safely gone, staff waiting to start break. This 6 year old who hadn't been home all year still left. Head phoned father and said he needed to collect ds. Response was why ? Sorry sir school closed, Father huffed and said he'd see what he could do!!!

Can I just applaudwhatphididnext for owning up to being one of 'those' parents, even if only on one occasion!!!

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Just wanted to say thanks for this thread, it's hilarious!!

DH teaches A level and GCSE English Lit at FE college - he once had a parent complain that the fact that her dd was studying The Wasp Factory was a serious child protection issue. Her dd was 17 - she was a primary school teacher silly cow.

She wanted them to read 'naice' texts. Like the Shakespeare and the Brontes - Wuthering Heights, perhaps. DH pointed out the possible themes of rape, incest, dog hanging, etc, in those kinds of texts and she spluttered a bit but still wittered on!

I've just remembered one (although I've probably got a few when I think about it). Many years ago the class topic was on St.Lucia (the Caribbean island). One parent wrote a complaint to say she was disgusted and why weren't the school studying St.George? It's always these foreign saints! After much hilarity in the staff room, the head composed a letter back pointing out the parent's error and enclosing a copy of the RE planning which showed that in a few weeks we were indeed celebrating St George's day!!!

I have a chief jumper sniffer in my class! At the end of the day she gathers up the 'lost' jumpers to sniff and distribute to their owners! Always gets it spot on.

Parents of a child in my s1's class insisted, even arranged a meeting with the teacher to "explain", that their son must sit next to my s1. It would help him with language learning (aged 7 only colours, singing, "My name is..." etc.) as s1 is a native speaker.

What the parents knew full well is that s1 is a native speaker of English and that year the class was doing French

Coconutty.....my DH has just spat tea everywhere

....and he "wants a T-Shirt like that"!

with regards to the parent claiming it unfair her daughter had the cervical cancer vac because the boys didnt have to is actually a fair point. Boys can be given it. In most cases the virus is caused by intercourse so it is being passed from boys.

Gave pupils a book to read which has a scene in which some children kill a chicken, rather cruelly, but it allows for class discussion of animal cruelty, bullying etc. A parent, who clearly hadn't read the book, complained that her daughter wasn't going to read it as she was a vegetarian. This child has never actually read any books I have given her....maybe the pages are made of horse meat?

When I worked in a nursery there was a very..... colourful, larger-than-life parent who used to being her dd in fifteen minutes late EVERY day, just as the keygroups were settling to their little circle activity. She would barge in, chuntering at the top of her voice, sit her dc down at the snack table, take some bread out of the teachers' cupboard and toast it for her child's breakfast.

One morning - I shit ye not - she brought her washing in and asked where the laundry powder was, then got shitty when she was politely declined - "this is supposed to be a bloody children's centre, so much for family facking support"

same mother used to have a fucking blue fit if her dc got a speck of organic matter - grass, banana, compost - on her immaculate clothing. How we laughed when it was her group's turn to "help" build the cob house in the nursery garden. Strangely we seemed to have run out of all-in-one splash-suits that day

On a school trip if it was cold could I buy her daughter a hot chocolate but if it was hot could I get her an ice cream? (no cash handed over and very cross that I refused to cater to her LO needs)
My class all smell jumpers to find owner!
A parent went to HT and LA to complain I was bullying daughter by not letting her out to play (child had broken leg and had chosen to stay indoors with friend
On school residential can I take him to the loo at 10pm and 4-5am, can I put his sun block on, brush his teeth and hair and help him dress - oh he also is not to be expected to do jobs, make bed or get muddy! He damn well did the same as others and was able to be dry at night without me interveneing (did have dry night on bed in case)
The list is endless!

Yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaars ago. Multicultural music/dance group invited into small rural school. Letter of complaint 'cos parents were not sending their children to school THAT day to mix with "THAT sort!"