What's the most barking thing you've witnessed at a mum's group?

Is anyone else planning on acquiring panpipes ready for the next group they go to, just to see how many sniggers they get? It could be a fab way for MNers to identify each other - panpipes & a knowing look!

I'm v sad that none of these exciting things happen at our group. I'm wondering how many of them I can get away with... From now on at every baby group I go to I shall: get my breasts out at random moments, sing a running commentary on whatever DS is doing, play my panpipes when I run out of inane things to sing... Unfortunately DS is too small for the full tortoise-boy effect. I'll keep that in reserve for a year or 2!

Am loving this thread! Makes the woman who put on one of her husband's old shirts to feed her toddler some finger foods (" because he's very messy and my husband likes me to keep clean") seem positively sane!!

PMSL at the panpipe elf!!

Ok, I still can't compete with Panpipes Elf, the Fanjo party or the Conga with the Vicar (all potential name changers?!), but anyway...

My only contribution is the singing/music class I go to with DS. The leader is a very enthusiastic girl who often sits with or dances with random children in the class whenever they approach her. Cue her picking up the youngest participant, a 6 month old girl, and plonking her on her lap during a song. 6mo's mum nervously pipes up to be a bit careful as she isn't too steady sitting up.

Predictably, the poor 6mo takes a slow motion dive off the leader's lap, landing head first on the floor. She starts screaming, and everyone falls silent. EXCEPT the leader who ploughs on singing "Goodbye Jenson, goodbye" etc. 6mo 's mum obviously scoops up the shrieking child, all of the other mums look on in horror and pity and the leader cheerfully finishes the goodbye song.

Bizarre.

Ah Lainie, I'm crying with laughter at your conga with the vicar :o.

Going to my first group tomorow CANT WAIT NOW

headfirst I can never look at my ornate pocket mirror in the same way again

Panpipe mama gets my vote

I also saw someone put a bath thermometer in the swimming pool before going in with their toddler

I am stil PSML at MrsMalinkey's naked panpipe playing mum. I work in childcare and the stories I could tell about the mothers...but I couldn't and wouldn't :)

Is this fanny club a common thing?

If so, why have I not been invited?

Not that I'd go mind, but it's nice to be asked!

I did a baby class and a mum turned up with her twins (under 6 months) and her nanny. She was impossibly fresh and polished.

A couple of mums were saying how rough it must be with two and how she looks so great etc etc (the usual first time mum awe at anyone having to deal with more than one of the little blighters!) and she was going on about how difficult they are and how they don't sleep very well at night, and she has to balance this with making time for her toddler.

All nice - one mum says "gosh, for someone getting such interrupted sleep you look fab"

Hearty laugh - oh no, my nanny dies the nights

We all look at the nanny and realise she looked just like us - poor thing was knackered!

Also, in another class mum had to go and make a phone call, the teacher offered to take the baby and the mum just plonked her in front of the nanny and said "oh no, she's used to dealing with both"

Not too mental but seeing two mums playing an impromptu game of table ping pong with what turned out to be a chip of very dry shit was amusing. Now one year on everyone makes a point of wiping the chair and table they are about to use just in case the mum who dropped the turd has been back :o

Lain {crying with laughter right now} Chatty Tuesdays! The duet conga with the vicar!

Oh dear god this thread is awesome!

Fanny party and burkha woman are winning it for me ATM. Closely followed by pan pipe mama

I'd quite like a friend like Burkha lady to mix things up a bit, keep me on my toes. You'd always be waiting for a clown or a uniformed maintenance man to sidle up to you and go 'hey - it's me!'

That made me do snorty laughs

Not a baby group, but a dance show.

We went to watch my niece galumph around to bad disco music. It was in a school hall, but with a bar attached - community centre as part of school. Child in front of us, aged about 3, needed a wee mid-show, so his mum made him piss in a pint glass so she didn't miss anything. She put it on the floor, and lo and behold, ten minutes later he kicked it over. Cue a whole row of people grabbing their belongings out of the path of a pool of warm piss....

There was a fight in the bar in the interval, too.

Also I dont want to go into details but she needs cheese was fucking hilarious

Fucking panpipes!!

And the gift,and the tortoise....

Ive always avoided baby groups. I think im going to have to start taking DS2 to them now

This thread has had me crying with laughter all day. Especially the woman with the Burka who just "fancied a change" and the turtle boy in the car seat.

Apologies for typos.

Trying to type and help ds2 feed his "baby" (doll) t the same time. Yes he does want me to breast feed it. Yes he does want me to actually get my boob out for a doll.

How's that for extreme breast feeding?

Used to help run a toddler group.

Alpha Dad arrived early as we were cutting out potato es for doing prints. Triangles, squares, the odd star. Alpha Dad decides ro join in and cuts out:

"whats this Ptolemy? Yes, your right! It's a double helix!"

Rupunzel My MW asked me the same thing about fathers when I walked into the booking in appointment with ds2.

She was very embarrassed when I said, yes. (Like having 2 children with 2 fathers is something to be ashamed of

The "I Don't Believe You" bit was extremely rude though. Not sure what I would have said to that.

Just to add the other side of the "deprived area" groups, I wen to a sure start group in a very deprived area of our town and it was brilliant. Everyone was lovely, watched out for each others children, got involved rather than just sitting around chatting, and closed thermos cups for all so we could have hot coffee without worrying it was going to get spilt.

No particular one person but I went to a supposedly "naice middle class" group once and it was like walking into the lion enclosure at the zoo.

Seriously, the kids were running riot. My normally quite boisterous ds1 was completely overwhelmed by it. One kid in particular running over babies fingers (purposely) in a cosy coupe type car, grabbing toys from other kids if he decided he wanted them and biting the other child if they didn't give it up. His mum would just laugh and say "Oh he's a bit of a free spirit isn't he"

The playgroup leader got some cupcakes out for the kids to decorate and honestly, it was like a frikkin rugby scrum of parents trying to make sure their child got in there first.

One woman sat there saying "oh the HV has told me I need to get dd off the juice and onto more milk or water, not sure how she expects me to do that though". While her not even 3month old dd was on her lap with a bottle of pure apple juice shoved in it's mouth.

Didn't go back there again.

Tryin out a new playgroup next week with now 2.4yr old ds2. I really hope there's a turtle boy there. Was howling at that image.

The organizer decided all the children needed a name sticker, which was given out at a little desk at the entrance when you paid your money.

But, Oh, God, she had her preschool son writing out each and every name label, with agonising slowness. "Now, What does 'Amelia' begin with? 'A', that's right! What sort of 'A'..?. For the start of a name, sweetheart...? A capital 'A'! well done! Now, how do we write a capital 'A'... up the slope...go on, do a line going up... no, all the way up to here...that's right! now what comes next in the capital 'A'? What do you think comes next, sweetheart? Go on, what do we have to do next to make the capital 'A' for 'Amelia?' Is it a line down the slope? that's right! Do a line sloping down from the top. What do you think that looks like? Do you think it looks like anything, sloping up and then sloping down? It looks a bit like a mountain, doesn't it? Don't you think capital 'A' for 'Amelia' looks like a big high mountain? It does, doesn't it? What do we need to do now to finish the capital 'A' for 'Amelia'? It just needs one more little line. Do you know how the line should go? No? just across the middle there. Now it looks like there's a snowy top on the mountain! Well done, that's a capital 'A' for 'Amelia'! Now, what do you think comes after the 'A' in 'Amelia'...

The queue, the queue, I think babies were actually born in that queue and had teeth by the time they got into the hall.

Lainiekasan That image just had me snorting coffee over myself

Yeah. I realised I had fully entered Weirdom when I found myself doing a conga with the vicar at Chatty Tuesdays. Except I didn't realise that all the other mums and their toddlers had sort of fallen off and it was just me and the vicar

It's been years since I enjoyed the sheer madness that can entertain you at playgroups but ddil and I did have a bit of a morning a few months ago when we took dgd to a toddler group. All was fine until we got gathered up halfway through and invited to "Sing About Jesus". There had been no warning that it was coming either. Nor was there an easy escape route.