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What's the most barking thing you've witnessed at a mum's group?

489 replies

Berts · 30/01/2013 12:19

Not just the usual competitive, Stepford Mommies rubbish, but real 'back away now, slowly' stuff.

Mine was when one of the babies, ten months old fell over and banged his head. His mum picked him up to give him a cuddle (of course) but, when he didn't stop crying pretty quickly she stands him on her lap, looks him in the eye and starts barking: "Man up! Come on, Man up!"

Barking being the operative word...

OP posts:
ohdobuckup · 01/02/2013 13:57

My god this thread s a classic, have had to clean me keyboard a few times...there's enough material here to write an award winning series!

Buzzardbird · 01/02/2013 13:56

OMFG mmm that link is horrific! Shock

Buzzardbird · 01/02/2013 13:53

I can recommend naked accordion playing, it gets rid of the pubey black hairs from round your norks.

VisualiseAHorse · 01/02/2013 13:50

poolze - sounds like Russian Baby Yoga.

mmmerangue · 01/02/2013 13:44

poozle Like this ??

poozlepants · 01/02/2013 13:34

We had a bfing group in the local church hall which was great apart from one of the HV who had to run it hated bfing and babies. There was a lovely Russian girl and when the babies were about 9 months one of the other Mums and I turned round to see her literally chuck her son about 12 foot into the air where he performed a perfect somersault and then she caught him. Turns out she had been doing this since he was little - she said that it was a Russian thing. I had missed out the explanation I just thought she had gone totally mental and had hurled her son into the air. I think I swore really loudly and the other Mum went white as a sheet.

CruCru · 01/02/2013 12:36

This is a nice, fun thread. I'm sure I've seen some north London craziness; I'll have a think.

Doingthedo · 01/02/2013 12:34

a young dad used to bring his DS to my local toddler group, he regularly went up behind his son, grabbed him by the leg and dangled him in the air, laughing - cue all other adults holding breath! the boy has turned into a complete ruffian and now age 3 runs up behind babies/toddlers and rugby tackles them to the floor/sits on the them/pushes them over - all learnt from his dear father...

RibenaFiend · 01/02/2013 12:24

MockingBirds I am absolutely getting a panpipes necklace! I shall play it gleefully at my class of horrors when they decide they are going to express themselves!

perfectstorm · 01/02/2013 12:19

Bupcakes the proffered boob was probably the most hygienic lunch option at that woman's house. I'm just - Shock at the used condom lying about.

Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

mmmerangue · 01/02/2013 12:08

I left my mums and toddlers group the day I heard two of the women bitching about the only person there who had ever bothered to be nice to me (she having left not long after I joined because of the bitchiness).

Its a small town and somehow got around that the NICE woman was going through interviews to possibly be a surrogate mum for someone who was infertile. One of the BITCH mums (actually was an aunt and a childminder conversing but basically everyone who went there was just as bad) said 'It's fine they'll never let her, she's batshit crazy'. Zero empathy for anyone who might be going through either end of such a very private situation, and a complete lie to boot. I could not believe some of the gossip that got spread around that room but that was the last straw.

I left pretty much glad noone else had ever been nice to me as I may have accidentally thought they were my friends and told them my own secrets to get spread around in Chinese whispers.

PearlyWhites · 01/02/2013 12:04

Turtle boy is still the winner , I was crying with laughter Dh wondered what was wrong.

OTheHugeManatee · 01/02/2013 11:46

I'm Grin at the woman chasing her toddler round soft play with a yogurt.

lolaflores · 01/02/2013 11:26

Attending a baby group with a year old DD. In strides a very loud woman with wriggly year old under arm declaiming to all there n

"Here, my * only just ate the poo in his nappy. Anyone give me a wet wipe".

Thunder of women out the door. Tumble weed round woman and poo gourmand

Catchingmockingbirds · 01/02/2013 11:08

Mners could discreetly wear these around their neck as a way to signal to other mners, like our own much subtler insane baby group bat signal:

www.google.co.uk/search?q=panpipes+necklace&hl=en&client=safari&tbo=u&tbm=isch&source=univ&sa=X&ei=KqALUeXSJeWc0AXytYDIBA&ved=0CDwQsAQ&biw=320&bih=417#i=93

ISeeSmallPeople · 01/02/2013 10:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

EverybodysSnowyEyed · 01/02/2013 10:38

I went to a baby massage class and at the end the hv asked if we had any questions

One mum wanted to know where she could get socket covers - she doesn't want to buy on the Internet and she doesn't want to go all the way to x shop to find they don't sell them. Etc etc

Another Mun said she had bought some in John Lewis so all fine.

Then the questioning Mum pulled out the Argos catalogue and asked the hv what she should be buying to make sure her 3m old stays top of the class. We weren't sure if she meant the baby massage class but the rest of us beat a hasty retreat

Purplehonesty · 01/02/2013 08:34

Tsk conga!

Purplehonesty · 01/02/2013 08:34

Also sniggering at the vicar Congo...

lljkk · 01/02/2013 07:45

I went to toddler groups for at least 10 years before anything weird happened. I think you have to be hardcore in for the long haul.

JollyRedGiant · 01/02/2013 07:39

You need to report the op and type that you want it in classics in the box :) the op will likely have to agree first.

NeedlesCuties · 01/02/2013 07:38

I can't use the name as it will out me, but at a toddler group I used to go to there was a terror of a girl. She was 2 years old, cute with lovely blonde hair, but would scream, push, pull, attack the other kids. She had an 'interesting' name, can't say the exact one, but it was along the lines of 'modesty' 'comfort'.

One day her mum (who was barking mad) put her on a time out after she'd walloped another few kids. Except the mum had put her on time out outside the door to the hall and said she'd check on her in 2 minutes.

The leader of the group took exception to this, told barking mum that this wasn't allowed, as they were worried the child would run off as the main door wasn't locked and was near a road.

Barking mum became roaring mum, shouting all over the place about how it was unfair, she wasn't ever coming back etc. Grabbed her DD and left. That was a a year ago, and true to her word she's never been back!

Also, at the same toddler group. I was due DC2 and about 2 weeks before due date I bumped into one of the helpers in Tesco's. Was chatting to her, just small talk and I said something about coming back to the group with both kids once DC2 was a about a month old. Mentioned that I'd be breastfeeding the newborn, and the leader shook her head, said she'd been helping there for 7 years and had never seen a mum breastfeed... then she said she'd need to "ask the organiser, make sure that's ok." I was Shock

Suffice to say, I rocked up with my newborn and breastfed and no one said anything negative. I would have been ready for them!

JollyRedGiant · 01/02/2013 07:38

DS and I are trying to decide what to do today. We can either go for a walk or go to toddlers.

This thread is steering me firmly toward toddlers!

doctorhamster · 01/02/2013 07:37

My god after 4 years of toddler groups I am crippled with disappointment and the normality of them. I should demand a refund.

Someone who knows how has to nominate this for classics!

MarthasHarbour · 01/02/2013 07:35

See you there jojo Wink