What's the most barking thing you've witnessed at a mum's group?

One new mum at our group of very newborns regaling us with her story about how she had pierced her 2 month old daughter's ears herself with a kit she got off the internet as she didn't want her to go through the pain when she was older and babies can't feel pain/remember anything.

For a group of first time mums who were having palpatations at the thought of taking our little ones for their first vaccinations, we were all and clutched our pearls and babes in arms much closer to our matronly bosoms.

Labootin maybe we were at the same group!

Elimination communication at six months old .. In the middle of the circle of mums singing wind the fucking bobbin on.

it was my first and only foray into mother and baby groups

The coffee was tepid (to avoid accidents) and the biscuits were shit and stale

I met a woman at a baby group whose DD was the same age as mine - 6 months. She saw me changing DD's nappy and made a sympathetic face and said "Oh she's still in nappies? Maisie has been toilet trained since four months."

Luckily I was on the ball enough to tell her that DD had been too busy learning Latin to think about toilet training.

I was helping tidy the toys away at one group, a little girl kept jumping on the bouncy castle so I left her for a bit and tidied everything else away, her mum was watching her, 10 minutes later she was still bouncing and I explained we were going home soon, all very child friendly voice etc, she ran to her mum and her mum told her to jump back on so she did. She was 3.

I just took the balls out and off her and deflated the bloody thing! She ran off crying and pointing at me, then her mother gave me terrible looks.

I'm snorting at "my dd doesn't cry anymore, she finds it embarrassing." :o

Ooh Nancy! Please tell me you replied 'I hope you kept the receipt'

When DD was about 18 months I took her to a music group. The teacher was a bit hippy dippy and weird - she kept going on about DD's innate sense of rhythm and feel for the music. (all she was doing was bashing a tambourine with a stick.)

At the next class she took me to one side and whispered that she had the 'gift' and that DD had been an Indian squaw in a past life and was expressing her sorrow through music in this life.

We didn't go again.

Camper- I would have done that too. Lo has a medical condition causing v low immune system. So the cup would have been cleaned, and Lo has hands Milton wiped after playing with stuff. Or toys wiped before using them. Its that or not socialise.

This one was scary...

There were those foam playmats on the floor for the baby area...a mum was carrying her baby, tripped over the mat, and began to fall (seemed like slow motion), everyone screamed out as she was heading for babies lying on the floor and was also holding her own toddler.

Luckily another mum was standing nearby, so the falling mum threw her infant to the other mum (who thankfully caught her) and she used her hands to save herself from landing on the babies. The poor woman nearly did the splits. Toddler was crying and we all were semi poised above our seats...frozen...

The woman was so embarrassed and we all just wiped the sweat from our brows...

Another one was hilarious!! Two children started fighting and the inevitable argument happened... Mum A says "stop fighting please children"... Mum B says "no leave them to it - they will get over it then "...

Mum A and Mum B decend into an argument of epic proportions whilst we all hurredly tidy up and pretend it is not happening before getting the hell out of there!

Haha. I am onetiredmummy's barking mum.

Not at a playgroup, but with two 'friends' I met at playgroup. They were ridiculously competitive. It would start with the 'Oh, bless, your dd has got her colours mixed up a bit! That's so cute, mine's known her colours since she was 3months old' kind of one upmanship, and by the end of every playdate had escalated into a slanging match. 'You smoke in front of her? Really? Do you not worry about giving her cancer?' and 'Such a shame you have to work and leave your dd to be brought up by strangers. Still, I suppose needs must' etc. and then we'd go home with cheery 'see you at mine next week!'. It was so weird. I did it three times before my nerves just totally gave out and I ditched the pair of them.

One of them tried to get me involved once. My dd banged her head and cried. Crazy mum tutted and said 'mine doesn't cry any more. She finds it embarrassing.' The babies were 11 months old. I swear to god those were her exact words.

This may be normal viewing to some of you but I would call it bat shit crazy

Baby is toddling around quite content to bang at the play kitchen & sort through the play food box. With mother following 2 paces behind cooing & what do we call this Imogen, THAT'S RIGHT its a saucepan well done. Good listening! And what do we use a saucepan for? That's riiiight.

Proceed to crouching behind poor bloody Imogen as she tries to eat her fruit constantly talking at her - what's this Imogen, its an apple, they grow on trees, do you like them, what colour is it, can you name another fruit, a banana well done, is a banana yellow, don't forget you have a drink, do you need a wee, do you need a poo, can you say banana in French, what words do you know in French, can you count in French, that's right, un deux trois etc YAY we can count in French how clever are we

I did see one mom retrieve her daughters cup from another child and proceed to scrub it clean - inside and out - with bleach and boiling water. The child hadn't drunk from it and there were only about 4 moms there so it was really awkward!