What's the most barking thing you've witnessed at a mum's group?

I have now wet myself laughing about the naked panpipe dancing elf mom..

infact so much so that I feel a name change coming on...

I was at my local breastfeeding support group, nice and informal, groups of us chatting away and feeding our babies, when some bloke strode in and, without further ado, starting evangelising about Elimination Communication.

In our confusion at the suddenness of it, we thought he was some kind of 'expert' speaking by invitation of the group leaders. But no. He was the partner of one of the mums who just thought he'd turn up for a spot of Friday morning mansplaining.

we went to a toddler group in a church hall, one time dh came with me, a mum started to breast feed in the room and shouted across the hall that dh had to leave the room cause she didnt want ''some weird bloke'' seeing her.
neither of us had noticed her even feeding until she shouted.

Forever sunny I am crying tears of laughter imagining the robotic black tortoise.

weegiemum what for??

Great thread.

At DS's first swimming lessons (4 months old, so basically being moved about by the parent), was "overtaken" by a competative mum. She sort of smirked as she passed.

I wasn't going slowly, just keeping in the formation of the rest of the parents. Was just so about her behaviour!

Ah ha - I missed BiteTheTops's post. There's my answer then...

I co-run a parent & toddler group which seems very dull after this thread!
Incidentally, our CMs and Nannies are always first to jump in and help out.

Back when my youngest was a baby and we lived in an urban area I would sometimes drop into a surestart group in the 'dodgy' part of town and found... lots of lovely mums and dads admittedly nearly all single and half my age and a calm, welcoming group.

I have even attended some very naice music type groups and, to my great sadness, have yet to witness so much as one child counting to 10 in Mandarin

My life is so dull.

I was also laughing very audibly at the image of the carseat tortoise.

BiteTheTops

I went to a toddlers group on a Monday morning at 9.30 in a vair posh town in a local church.
One of the mums got a huge bottle of vodka out of her Cath Kidston bag and started drinking it. She passed it round to the other mums and they all had some. Neat.

Oh hell. I forgot about the new weirdo at current toddler group.

Last week we were treated to a 10 minute rant about how ginger babies are 'evil bastards' according to her dp, her referring to her SN brother as 'slow, thick and not right in the head' and her monopolising every conversation with her boring loud stories. At one point the crazy cow pinched me hard enough to leave a mark ... I mean what's the etiquette if another mother pinches you? I went for stunned silence and jaw hitting the floor unfortunately, kind of wish I'd pinched her back!

By the end of the group myself and another woman had turned so far away in the effort to avoid eye contact we were sitting with our backs to her! The other 2 women there kept trying to change the conversation topic and she just steamrollered all over them

We had Health & Safety Gorn Mad mom.
She wanted to lock the doors to the toddler group. Had to be gently pointed out to her... that might be a fire risk?
She was very upset about hard floors, hot drinks present anywhere, loads of other stuff I forget.

Very ironic that this was at a group that is already ultra-high uptight about following PLA safety guidelines, everything is regimented if it has the slightest health & safety implications. Written policies, CRB checks, Huge First Aid kit, big warning signs up everywhere, etc. Luckily the group organiser took pity on her & pulled her aside to try to learn her to mellow out a bit.

H&SGM woman went to another local toddler group where they are (normal) laid back and her toddler ran into the kitchen whilst there; H&SGMW was angry that someone removed her child from the kitchen , she didn't seem to realise she was supposed to keep an eye on her child.

There was another mom I had a stand up row with at the Laid back group after she repeatedly & loudly referred to DS as "That horrid little boy". People gasp when I say that because I am so diffident IRL. After that, Other Mum systematically fell out with people everywhere she went locally, schools, toddler groups, etc. Keeping tabs on her was like Car Crash TV.

MrsMalinky, you have well and truly tested my bladder control, that is priceless!

I went to one on a regular basis. The leaders there had a policy that they would try to have a friendly chat to every adult. Sitting on my own one day watching ds2, who was 2.5 so playing very independently, I was trying to have minutes peace.

The leader came up to me.
Leader: Oh Hair are you trying to get some peace and quiet?
Me: Yes.

She then sat next to me and talked at me for 15 minutes.

Crying at the panpipes.

When ds1 & 2 were pre-school age themselves, I helped out at a playgroup that was probably a forerunner for the Sure Start scheme. Things got quite eventful on the morning that Parent A discovered that the father of her 3 month old baby was the same bloke that had fathered Parent B's 3 month old baby. Parent A & B were sisters which made it all the worse. I still recall Parent B screeching "Why the fuck do you think I called the baby Brian then you stupid fucking cahhhhhh?" to a room full of babies, toddlers and parents. All of us stunned into silence.

I never get to see naked panpipe playing.

:(

I can't wait 'til I go back to baby groups.

I feel a bit left out now, the baby group I go to is fairly normal!

pmsl. People now think that I am mental because I keep sniggering every time I think panpipes!

I have never seen anything too mental but there was one really annoying mum at our toddler group. Talk about foghorn-leghorn! She was unbelievably LOUD and noone could ge a word in egdeways for her. She repeatedly used to put her hot cup of coffee on the table where the kids were having their snack! and she never once stayed to help tidy up-mind you there were a few that were good at playing that trick!

I was at my sisters house once and she had lots of her friends and their kids round.

We were in the sitting room. Dd was 6yo and there was a boy there who was 5yo. Dd was lying on the floor playing with something and this boy who has a reputation for been a handful ran up to her and kicked her in the mouth as if he was kicking a rugby ball. Dd was hysterical and I picked her up, never said anything to the boy as I was so shocked. His mum started ranting at me that it was my dd's fault for being on the floor. It was very obvious it wasn't an accident.

Same mum also had a baby who'd picked up dd's brand new stuffed cat. Baby was chewing the cats tail off. Dd asked the baby's dad if she could have her cat back (baby was on dads knee) and dad said no, she needed to share. I stood up and took the cat off the baby and gave it back to dd while giving dad an icy look. He was quite happy to sit there watching his baby wreck dd's new toy. I don't mind germ sharing but its a bit mean to tell a 6yo she has to put up with a baby chewing a hole in her new toy.

OMG, MrsMalinky. Quote of the week?? The mental image of that is just priceless.

MrsMalinky Bahahahahaha

My best one was at baby swimming class, or actually just afterwards in the (public) changing room.

One mother was very "loud parenting" her 4-5 month old baby, who was laying on a towel while she dried herself. " Yes I know darling its nearly time for some lovely milk darling..." Like we were all fascinated.....

Next thing she whips her swimming costume off while baby starts bawling. She whips out some PANPIPES and starts frolicking around like a mental naked elf.

There was COMPLETE SILENCE in the crowded changing room while she did this, other than the baby who obviously howled more. Brilliant .