What's the most barking thing you've witnessed at a mum's group?

I haven't really seen any bizarro behaviour other than everyone in a baby group we went to passing around a certain GF book like it was The Bible. I wasn't using GF and just let the baby nap/feed, etc on demand. I was very seriously asked: "but how will she know when to eat/sleep if you don't put a schedule in place?"

I was also asked at a different group where I was the only mum not doing Baby Sign classes: "but how will you know what your baby wants?"

That's about as wild as it gets.

This obviously needs to be moved to classics.

I have just laughed myself hoarse at the mental naked panpipes elf, the car seat tortoise as well!

I fell quite short changed all the groups I've been to have been quite normal.

I have been to a lots of toddler groups. Most awkward was probably either one which was run by retired teachers who used to treat us all like children and do the fingers on lips sssshhh at us. We were told off if our child didn't sit through the talk they did before they could play. Worst of all they did some very controversial 'talks' about gay people and 'foreigners'.

Another time one of the mums spilled hot tea on another child. The mum was livid and everyone was watching. It was soooo awkward.

Other time was when myself and another young mum were chatting and watching our kids and the leader assumed because we were youngest mums there we were the ones who had left our kids outside the building asleep in pushchairs! She was suitably. embarrassed when she realised it was some childminders that had.

eminemmerdale I know this is a light hearted thread but that sort of attitude is horrible. Yours I mean. Not "Chantelle's" why take the piss out of people who as you say are deprived and you're meant to be a professional.

Soverylucky I was paraphrasing but she definitely said 'cum'. I was warned that this was not unusual behaviour by someone who'd been there waaay before me. Her dh also "Accidentally on purpose" wanders into the living room starkers. Legend has it of course :o

These are brill!
Love the robot tortoise boy!

The tortoise car seat one has just made me wheeze and snort with laughter.

A lady questions everybody under 30, or looking a bit rough, about how they afford to live in the area. She loathes me because she can't work out my finances.

Same lady does not let her child beyond an arm length, the poor sausage looks so bored.

Drape not desperate!

I had a strange experience this week. It was a very busy baby / toddler group but there was a quieter corner with comfy chairs where the mums and younger babies seemed to congregate.

One mum with a teeny baby of only a few weeks old started breast feeding under a big elaborate cape. Loads of people smiled at her, offered her tea, was all lovely.

Another mum of a baby about 5/6 months old joined her and breastfed under a huge wrap she was wearing. Also lots of positivity for her.

My 6 month old decided he wanted feeding so I pulled down my top and discretely as possible fed him. I used my hair - very long - and scarf to desperate over the exposed flesh but didn't bother with a cover. I used to feed under a muslin when out but ds objects to it now and pulls it off, so i just try and get on with feeding and be as discrete as I can be.

Anyway! For some reason when I looked around I was getting a huge amount of dodgy looks and frowns. I'm not a hugely confident person anyway so I quickly finished and moved away.

Not sure what caused the looks but was pretty mental and upsetting!

not sure if it s the right style of thing but it popped in to my head as a memorable moment...when a toddler got stuck in a wooden dolls high chair! He was stuck for ages! Eventually the thing had to be taken apart with screw drivers.

I had to do a work related talk at a childrens centre in a suburb of townrecently , it's a fairly deprived area, but I've worked with the homeless, violent teenagers and all sorts in my varied career so was quite happy to go along. First off, all the mums were wearing slippers, which is fine but, well a bit odd, I thought they may have taken their shoes off...but no they stroll there like that every week apparently. As I started talking (it was quite informal, but what I was saying did need to be listened to sort of thing,) one little boy started shouting. I smiled indulgently, like you do, and the beslippered mother screeched 'will you shut it, this laydee is telling me abaht how to get a job so I don't have to deal wiv you all day' The leader sort of sighed and said 'now, chantelle, haven't we discussed inappropriate language in front of little jordan before?' 'You might of, but I ent' was the reply. All the others just sat there and one said 'well carry on then luv'.

A fully chicken poxed two year old child marauding into the baby fit where she fell on top of my 8 month old dd who came down with it about a week later. I was.

Oh and then there was the cow boy with long hair and a Stetson on who came with his childminder wife to "help" with her mindees. He stunk of fags and booze and told us all about his gun collection disarmed, apparently but still.........I couldn't fathom who could meet this man and decided that this was the CM for them! But they always had mindees.

I've remembered something!

When we took the DTs swimming, both DH and I had to get in the water with them until they were about three. One of the dads from swimming (who also came to Toddler group) is a newsreader / reporter for the BBC. Every time this man read the evening news, DH felt the need to point out that he'd seen his winky in the changing rooms.

I went to three baby and toddler groups regularly for seven years, and then went on to help at one for another three years after that. I also took one or another of the DCs to parent & infant swimming sessions for years. Nothing weird ever happened! I'm a bit disappointed now, especially after reading about panpipe lady.

Might out myself with this but hey...

First of all there was the mum who invited me and another lady back to hers for tea. Cue the phone call to her dh asking him to get dressed, clear the couch and tidy up a bit. Also to wipe the cum up off the dining table if he already hadn't. I'm not kidding. She didn't know we could hear her. I'm ashamed to say I faked a headache and went home. I was worried about what would be waiting when we arrived.

Another one. I was new to the area and one of my friends who moved here before me invited me to "Rhyme Time" with dd1 in the hope of getting to know new people. Everything was fine and no one was being weird. Her new friends seemed really nice too. She sits next to me and says "A few of us are meeting up on Friday and taking the babies to that pub that's just been refurbed. We'll probably have lunch and then take them to the park..." "Ooh, that sounds lovely!" I say enthusiastically. "So, I'll meet you by the library about 2.30 then? We'll be done by then I think." Erm yeah. Cheers for that. Our friendship slowly fizzled out after that.

I think I can safely guess that pan pipes lady may have been named
Mrs Rumplestiltskin......

I go to another one now. Even there recently 2 mums who disiked each other started and argument which ended in fighting. It was horrible. They were pulling hair and shouting whilst the children around them just carried on driving around in little tykes cars.
I just sat there with a and a biscuit as they shouted sweary words at each other.
It was more like bare knuckle fight club than mum and baby club.

Pan pipes! Pan pipes!

Crying laughing.

Pan pipes!

I'm loving these stories!
I never went to any groups as such because I had chronic PND and couldn't cope with them at the time.
After reading some of these stories I really wish I had

Went to a Steiner based playgroup WHEN dd was 2...DD was when offered a bowl of knitted gnomes with no faces. Then the leader said "well come and play in the sensory corner" and took DD to a basket of wood...you know like what you put on the fire? Well a big basket of that...full of splinters.

Then it was time to bake bread for lunch and the kids were allowed to run riot...some older boys were playing cricket in the yard with a lump of wood and a ball and whacking one another with the wood.

The woman gave us a piece of some herb to carry in with us which I now know was to cleanse the area of any negative energy we might carry in!

I took youngest charge to a new playgroup, everyone seemed very nice and we where all chatting, one mum made me a cup of tea...then I mentioned I was her nanny...everyone stopped talkingtto me and the mum who'd made my tea strolled over and took it off the side and poured the rest away...nosingle parent spoke to me after that
It was so weird

Pan pipes is epic!

Some of these are so funny!

I've worked in a lot of community centres over the years and my touchstone for bonkers is years back when the chair of the current parents and toddler group came sailing into my office to bawl me out complain loudly that some other group must have been using their teaspoons.

She knew this apparently because the barrel ? Cup? Bit the sugar goes in haha of the spoons were scratched and when she had polished them and put them away in their locked cupboard after the last session they were not scratched.

I found it somewhat hard to remain sympathetic, especially as she interrupted me in the middle of dealing with a potentially difficult staffing/child protection issue!