What's the most barking thing you've witnessed at a mum's group?

Is it just me, nervously reading the thread, half expecting to identify myself and my pfb antics?

My contribution is the dad who followed his boy around shouting "No, don't play with that.. (pram/doll) . Girls toy? Here you are - brum brum".

Then changed his sons nappy, and took him home. In his pram. Surely his son was just imitating daddy?

ThedementedPenguin that is just horrid towards your dp. I have never done similar oh no, not me guvnor.. Walks away whistling :o

Piemother I do that okay not in a baby voice. And I don't think I'm as crazy as that. I kind of pretend he has spoke and then I agree. mostly when Dp is annoying me. So it will go something like this...

Dp: being a twat

Ds: makes noises

Me: yes ds your right daddy is a twat!!

I met a mum at baby yoga who did that ventriloquist thing where they project a voice on to their not yet verbal baby in a daft baby voice. I thought she was a bit mental but quite sweet really. Fast forward a year or so and I met her again at a birthday party of a little girl dd goes to nursery with. She, dd and a particular little boy are as thick as thieves and have been for 3 solid years now. Ventriloquist mum spent the whole party bellowing that her ds was gojng to challenge this little boy (dd's chum) to a duel in a semi serious way. They were 2 then!

Oh really can't breathe for laughing at poor turtle boy and Madam Panpipes. Pregnant with DC3 and determined to trawl all local baby groups in the hope of out-mentalling those examples

All very funny, but I nearly been sick from laughing about that child in the car seat!!

It was kind of funny... I went to this baby class and there was a fairly fleshy mother who also attended. She would wear quite drapery tops and one week, lurching around for her son, her tit fell out.

It wouldn't have been odd had it not been for the fact she was sat opposite a couple there with their son, and also seemed to know her tit was hanging out - she left it exposed for some time. In the end the woman of the couple went and whispered to her (she and her DH, and me a bit, had all been silently giggling and wondering if she'd noticed or whether we should speak up).

I love these!

I met a woman at play group who seemed very nice. She was new to the area and her eldest dc was in my dds class. So to be friendly I invited her round for coffee.
She stayed for six freaking hours and basically lectured me about God and my believes. She kept telling me to let myself be filled with the love of God. I am CofE and kept telling her this but she just seemed to want to preach at me.
The next time she turned up I was roasting a chicken and her toddler thought a stock cube was a sweetie. She took it off him and said "Sweetie when mummy cooks chicken at home and boils up all the bones to make lovely stock well this is what a lazy mummy uses".
As I was trying to think of a suitable come back he picked up dd's Harry Potter wand and I said something like oh wow a magic wand she screeched and started saying "no, no, no not wands, wands aren't real pretend it's the sword of God".
She also took me to her allotment once too which was nice but on the way she found a discarded bag of clothing on a wall, it seemed to be full of saris.
She turned up at school the next day in a burka that had been at the bottom of the bag. I didn't recognize her until she made herself known to me and Said she had just fancied a change.
The last time I really saw her to chat to was when I bumped into her in a charity shop while I was queuing up to buy the first Harry Potter book for dd [ blush]
I don't really see her much anymore but she did make me laugh even though she was very rude to me at times.

at singing ladies on this thread...
...she did keep it up for over 2 hours i know, because we began following her in the end

No, mental naked panpipe elf wins!

turtle boy wins!

My ds2 liked fairy outfits. He liked the sparkliness...and so he should...it's a shame that boys are pretty much denied glittery sparly stuff because it's lovely and magical and totally childlike. That's what ds2 liked about them. I can honestly say I can ever recall a bad reaction, or even any reaction at all beyond a smiling one, towards him.
He's all 'no thank you that's for girls' now. Not of my doing. Shame really. Glitter is great.

PortBlacksand: that could well have been me! When mine were little, I used to keep them (and myself) amused by improvising a sort of singing commentary on everything we were doing. I would usually make it rhyme, and change the style to suit my mood: blues, opera etc. Always in tune though.

Ubik that reminds me of my DS who was utterly obsessed with the dressing up rail...in particular the floatiest, spangliest girliest fairy costume at playgroup. DS1 was about 2. A woman told me I was 'brave' to let him wear it and what on earth must my husband say? (as DS1 frolicked past in his fairy outfit). I wish i'd had a witty comeback but dear MNetters, I just bit my lip and smiled politely.

Except the time DS1 completely refused to take the damn thing off. I'm glad no-one has posted yet about witnessing a mad shouty woman at a Midlands playgroup having a massive meltdown circa 2009. I had DS2 screeching attached to me in his sling while DS1 scarpered out of my grasp giggling. He was wearing not only the fairy outfit but carrying a large red patent handbag and wearing a policeman's helmet while I shouted 'For the love of god DS1, take the damn dress off, we have to go to the other room for snacktime....' I sort of lost the plot....and burned with embarrassment under the withering looks from the other mums.

I also remember chatting to a mum at this playgroup. We stood and watched her child (who was rather a challenge to say the least) drag my son along the floor into the playhouse and sink his teeth into DS1's arse. She didn't bat an eyelid and told little Johnny to not do that in such a half arsed way so I think this was a regular occurrence.

I am SO glad the playgroup years are behind me...

Portblack I laughed at the singing lady. I think I may have done that as it is the sort of thing I do, but mostly for a laugh...not to be worthy. Mostly to make dh laugh. I wouldn't do it for very long mind. Just for a song or three.

a mum hasn't spoken to me for 17 years because i picked up her dds jacket by mistake the kids went through primary and high school together she never spke or looked at me again

washngo oh em geeeee. I am gutted for you but also highly amused by your misfortune. I am sorry, but I would have laughed my head off. I am doing so now.

Bless you. If it makes you feel any better, I once did a summer in the theatre aged 16, and during an outdoor performance at the Glasgow Garden Festival, dressed in only in linen bandages, my god damn bandage slipped and my right bap was out for all to see, totally unnoticed by me for at least 15 minutes.
My life pretty much ended for at least three days after that one.

Oh and mine was at a zoo but it just about counts as it was a trip organised by the toddler group.

not that ive been at a group for years but i did see a fight in a playgroup about BULLYING BEHAVIOUR the children were 18ish months old the mum actually started poiting at the other mums shoulder and told her she has to get her kid under control as her little X was being bullied was all very

DH and i were followed around the zoo by a Mum and her toddler - she was singing everything in a tuneless sing song voice to her child. I think she thought she was in an episode on Cbeebies.

At sealion pool - "They're waiting for their dinner... dinner dinner dinner"
At lions "the lions go roar .. roar .... and show their claw"
(you get the general idea)

we couldn't seem to get away from her....i still can't make up my mind whether she was unhinged or quite sweet

washngo very apt name under those circumstances.

I remember being at one hideously ultra-competitive under-1s group once, and someone's DP walked in, smiled broadly and asked in a loud and very plummy voice, 'Does anyone know which exam board we could register our Hughie with for his maths?I'm not sure he would manage A-level, but I think just an AS for now will be OK.'

I wanted to applaud. I suspect others did, too.

I once got a ten minute lecture on the fact I was holding a cup of tea at a playgroup, with babies crawling around me, and that I was seriously irresponsible and she had worked in a burns unit and had seen what hot tea can do to small children... I tried repeatedly to tell her that the tea I was holding had stood in the separate kitchen for twenty minutes and was in fact stone cold, but she wouldn't let me get a word in.
(Not minimising the risk of hot drinks around children but really feel she should have given me the benefit of the doubt and not launched into accusations.)

If any of these women have a face like a bag of spanners and live in the Dorchester area - that's my SIL. . She loves performance parenting, the heuristic basket is never far away she has panpipes but it's all for the pfb DD2 just muddles along with benign neglect.

She was obsessed with 'Elimination Communication' - every 10 minutes, no matter where or what the weather was the pfb was stripped and encouraged to perform.
She was asked to leave Monsoon because the staff felt that a semi-naked 14 month old sat on a potty by the wedding frocks did n't improve the customer experience. She will never darken their door again ,.