What's the most barking thing you've witnessed at a mum's group?

We go to rhyme time at the local library, which is a mix of small babies and toddlers.
At this weeks I had one GM telling me very loudly how I was going to poison 11.5mo dd by allowing her to eat bread (dd was eating a cheese sandwich at the time) and how I was setting her up for a lifetime of food allergies and problems because of the gluten.
At the end of the session, she produces a massive box of fox's biscuits and her gc sat and munched about 10! The youngest is about a month older than dd...

Also at the same group a few weeks ago there was a boy about 2 running around kicking out at all the other children and generally being a bit of a terror. They hand out maraccas and bells and other small instruments for the kids to make some noise with while they sing the songs, and this same little boy went around taking all the toys off the other children and taking them to his mother, who just sat there and held them!! When he tried to take DD's maracca, she bashed him in the face with it and the mum went MENTAL telling me how I needed to control my child and how she was going to grow up to be a bully!

The mother has since been told not to return to the group after her son pushed over a baby (who had just learned to walk) into a chair, splitting his lip, and then proceeding to take the lid off a sippy cup of juice and tipping it all over the screaming, bleeding child

I've been going to toddler groups for most of the last 13 years and have never encountered really bonkers behaviour.

Does that mean it is most likely I am the bonkers one...?

freepeacesweet it really must have been crumbs, not cum, surely!

Ha ha ha! Loving the fanny party!

I was invited to a very woo mums house, with both my dc. Ds1 disappeared with her ds into one of the bedrooms and were suspiciously quiet. Suddenly the dad started bellowing at ds1 so I rushed to see what he'd done. He was sitting, bemused, on the floor eating a fairy cake.

Turns out the two dc had been at their 'memory' boxes in the cupboard which contained all the biscuits and cakes their dc had ever made at nursery! They were at SCHOOL by this time.

I was more concerned that he'd eaten a 4 year old cake. Bonkers dad kept shouting that his dc would never have done such a thing and my ds had instigated it.

We left straight away. Me and the dc still laugh about it!

Pirouette. That's fantastic!

Fanny party hahahaha.

Choked on my grape Pirouette!

Hahahaha

Not baby group but toddler one. One very woo mum invited me to her house to "Celebrate womanhood", which was fine. She said she had a spare mirror so I did not need one. I asked why we needed mirrors and apparently the celebration entailed sitting in a circle and adoring your fanny in a mirror. I was unfortunately too busy to attend her fanny club.
Her son also peed on me from the top of a shed roof.

Mostly the mums and toddlers at our local group were pretty normal but....the old codgers bowling club and sewing club, who had the hall the evening/night before us were the problem. The bowling club, average age = 70, decided the new block wood floor needed something 'extra' so got it fully polished up! The outcome was a whole load of toddlers falling left right and centre, slipping and sliding and banging their heads on the hard wooden floor!! The sewing club seemed totally incapable of keeping track of their needles and pins - to the point where we had to try and sweep the floor before we could let our DC loose! Still found numerous pins and needles which had got wedged into the cracks. Despite asking (and explaining - several times) to both groups the dangers of their actions, it took months for them to adjust their actions! Sheesh!

There is one mum I whose (only, pfb) child is now in the same school as mine, and who still possesses the unerring ability to set everyones' teeth on edge - but her crowning remarks were when the children were small. One was a lecture on why a mum (with surprise third baby, so two older children PLUS PND) should have stuck to breastfeeding for longer. She reduced said mum to tears in the middle of a group and then proceeded to justify herself instead of apologising!

On another occasion at a toddler group we were all admiring a gorgeous newborn boy (mum had a toddler DD). Mad woman then announced at the top of her voice that she could never have another in case it turned out to be a boy. Faces from all of us with boys, but she blithely sailed on regardless!

Obviosly she still knows best about everything.

I am crying with laughter reading the stories here! And feeling rather deprived, I never had anything weird happening to me at baby groups, really feel I missed out!

Panpipes lady is the winner for me so far

I am still sniggering at the panpipes, the tortoise and the squaw

I went to a weaning session at my local Sure Start centre when DD was about five months old. The nurse was very sensible, and after a short introduction, someone asked about baby-led weaning.
Before the nurse had a chance to say anything, one of the mothers starts evangelising about how it develops the immune system, means that they will never touch a whit of junk food, eliminates fussy eating, and 'maintains their instinct to select the most nutritious food available to them'. She knew several school-age children who enjoyed eating crisps and chocolate, which she knew for a fact was because that they were fed on purees. Her own PFB, at six months, was able to select the food containing the most vitamins from a tray at every meal.

Mother B then asks when Mother A started weaning, and Mother A proudly says four months.
Mother B accuses Mother A of child abuse and says that she will not feed her PFB anything at all until he is 10 months and can ask for what he wants.
Both mothers then have a loud argument that lasts for about 10 minutes. Mother C chips in with 'Of course, baby-led weaning only works with breastfed babies, because bottle-fed babies aren't intelligent enough to grasp the concept'. Fighting stops and all mothers nod gravely.

Funny about the EC evangelisers. I was very careful not to - horses for courses, it worked for us, and that was all that I cared about one way or the other - but when I slunk off to the loo with DD rather than change her nappy on the floor at one particular mother and baby group, you'd have thought I had admitted to foot-binding or something. For someone who (according to bonkers mother) would develop trust issues, major psychological problems, chronic constipation and renal failure as a direct result of my letting DD crap in the toilet rather than a nappy, DD is doing OK so far .

First ever venture to toddler group, trying to make polite small talk, one woman homes in on me and immediately starts telling me in great detail about her lack of sex drive, how her DH doesn't know what he is doing in the bedroom and he wants her to wear PVC gimp costumes. I had only been in the room for 10 minutes and had never met her before.
She then asked me about my sex life. I didn't answer and tried to change the subject. She then continued and said "maybe you could service my husband for me, you would look nice in PVC. I could maybe do you a favour in return, hoovering or gardening perhaps?!?"
I made a quick exit and never went back! I have since spotted her and her DH in tesco, it is quite difficult to get the image of her in PVC out of my head!

I used to know a very strange woman.
Desperately competitive, to the point that when I plucked up the courage to tell her I has been dx with late onset pnd, she was at the gp the next week telling him she thought she had it!
:(
I could go on...she put her house on the Market the week after we did, got a new car the day after I did, copied my hairstyle,,my clothes...you get the drift.
So after I became unaccountably bust every time she rang!

My favourite was the naice toddler group leader who took me aside on my 2nd time there and explained in a loud whisper that it was ok, I didn't have to call myself Mrs and wear a wedding ring because, and I quote, "we don't judge people who choose to have babies out of wedlock".

I was about to turn 20, and married (foolishly, as it turns out) 3 weeks after my 18th birthday. As I explained this, because I was less feisty back then, she shook her head and carried on with the, no really, it's ok, we don't mind thing. Eventually I just gave up. Even though DD is now 17, remembering that conversation still makes me feel squirmy and judged

I know someone like that Pictish...won't even let his toddler son have a tea set.
He is a teacher :(

Blessyou. I've seen men in shops refusing the get their kids the clothes they want because they think they aren't masculine enough. One little boy really wanted those yellow wellies with diggers on (you know the ones) but the dad refused because he said that yellow was for girls. They had a fucking digger on!

Pictish. My bil won't allow his little boy to dress up in anything that's not masculine. So every time i look after him i get all the fancy dress out and he loves the fairy ones complete with sparkly shoes and hair accessories. If bil knew he'd have a heart attack. He's convinced that dressing up like that will make his son catch the gay!

Yes it was just her and her toddler. She was definitely making them up as she went along and there was a sad lack of jazz hands and twirling and tune

feel a bit bad now hope she's not on here

Are you sure mad singing zoo woman only had one child with her PortBlacks?

I sing everything at home (although in perfect tune, obviously) and whilst I don't think I've been loony enough to do it in public, sleep deprivation does strange things to you. Did each verse have a show-tune style ending complete with jazz hands and twirl?

onetiredmummy the 10 month old shall have revenge when she hits 3 or 4 and starts with the verbal diarrhoea, 'mummy...mummy....mummeee'

I went to a group in a church. There was a baby area, a toddler play area all in one room but sort of divided by toys. Then there was the kitchen, divided by a stair gate, then a quick turn right, so hardly really in the kitchen and another stair gate to the 'craft room' where mums were meant to take their DC to do the craft of that week. I was playing with baby DS, who was about 4 months old. DD was 16 months old. I looked up and couldn't see her. I panicked and was frantically asking everyone if they had seen her, knowing there was no way she could have got out herself.

Then a CM friend of mine told me she had gone in to the craft room. I got there and found her. The helpers absolutely insisted she had got in there herself when I asked who had let her in. They looked me in the eye and lied to me to justify their actions in letting her in without my knowledge.

She is now 7 2/2 ans still cannot open stairgates.

That should be 'Girls toy!' There was no question, he was quite definate about it