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Original poster

Given that most of us failed the on-line British Citizen test, let's make up our own questions about what it's like to be British?

184 replies

MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne · 16/01/2013 16:50

original thread here

We need questions about British culture, class and manners, which would truly work out whether you knew the country. For example:

Which of these expressions would only be used by someone from the lower middle class:

  • Bog
  • Loo
  • Toilet
  • Lavatory
  • Shitter?

List these supermarkets in order of naiceness.

Iceland
Budgens
Aldi
Sainsbury's
Waitrose

What is a snakebite (tick all that apply)?

  • A bite from a snake.
  • A mixture of cider and lager
  • A flaming from a nest of vipers
OP posts:
BoffinMum · 17/01/2013 07:55

Can I just say that I lecture in social policy, amongst other things, and I only got 58% on the official test. I did notice that some of the answers in the multiple choice were either wrong or ambiguous. What on earth are they trying to test here????? Tories ought to do something useful and set a Shakespeare test instead, or adopt the MN one Wink. Anything would be better than that.

FellatioNels0n · 17/01/2013 03:38

You are a wishing to settle in Pittyborrow. Which greeting should you use when communicating with the locals?

What ho old chap!

Awright, cocker!

Eh oop me duck!

See you Jimmy!

Jak siemasz - yak syemash!

FellatioNels0n · 17/01/2013 03:31

How many Polish/Albanian men does it take to wash a:

Ford Focus in eight minutes, inside and out

A Range Rover in 6 minutes, inside and out plus luxury wax

A Fiat Punto in 12 minutes, outside only.

How many Polish/Albanian men can you fit in one three bed terrace in Pittyborrow?

JoanByers · 17/01/2013 01:53

Which of the following is NOT a way to gain access to a high-quality education in Britain:

(a) pretending to be Catholic
(b) renting a house in the right postcode
(c) writing to the Headteachers of your preferred school asking for your child to be considered
(c) having your 7-year-old tutored 10 hours a week for 3 years and then sitting an exam involving squiggles and patterns

JoanByers · 17/01/2013 01:48

Which of the following is generally socially acceptable transportation in Britain:

(a) A Volvo XC90
(b) A bicycle
(c) A BMW 5 series
(d) none of the above

JoanByers · 17/01/2013 01:46

Which of the following would you NOT expect to find in the average British town:

(a) A Polish grocers
(b) A Chinese restaurant
(c) A Mexican restaurant

FairPhyllis · 17/01/2013 00:27

You bought a house a number of years ago which has tripled in value. An appropriate response to this situation is:

a) Phone up all your friends and relatives who rent to share the good news with them.
b) Angle dinner party conversations around to the topic of property so you can stealth boast about it.
c) Troll the forums on housepricecrash.com.
d) Sell the house and blow all the money before the kids can inherit it.

Note: there may be more than one correct answer!

FairPhyllis · 17/01/2013 00:14

The greatest threat to the UK's national security at present is:

a) Al-Qaeda
b) SMERSH
c) Alex Salmond
d) France
e) Germany
f) France and Germany

TrucksAndDinosaurs · 17/01/2013 00:13

Salad cream is acceptable under which circumstances?
Come the Revolution, who will be first up against the wall?

FairPhyllis · 17/01/2013 00:02

Which of the following great British figures are NOT buried in St Paul's Cathedral?

Sir Christopher Wren
The Duke of Wellington
Jack the Ripper
Les Dawson
John Peel
Peter Andre
Sir Francis Walsingham
Lady Sybil Crawley

TheWombat · 16/01/2013 23:40

Name three of each of the following:
Prime ministers
Winners of 'I'm a celebrity get me out of here'
Hugh Grant films

In no more than 50 words, explain the rules of the popular game 'Mornington Crescent'.

WaynettaSlobsLover · 16/01/2013 23:33

I love being English. ;')

JustAHolyFool · 16/01/2013 23:31

Are teachers:

a) highly respected professionals with years of education behind them, who want the best for the children in their class

b) interfering jobsworths who want us all to write essays about how much our child reads every night, and who will report you to the social if your child comes to school with a grazed knee or

c) slacker layabouts who get 45 weeks of holiday a year and spend the rest of the time colouring in

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 16/01/2013 23:22

From the UK benefits system you may be entitled to claim:-

a) Financial assistance
b) a goat
c) A trampoline
d) sky tv
e) all of the above

Original poster
MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne · 16/01/2013 23:20

Which of these qualify for "national treasure" status?

Cliff Richard
Maggie Smith
Bruce Forsyth
Richard Branson
Piers Morgan
John Craven
David Attenborough
Claire from Steps
Peter Andre

OP posts:
TalkinPeace2 · 16/01/2013 23:19

I have adblock set on my browser :-)

What is the correct temperature to serve bitter?
How much of the glass can be 'head'?

Original poster
MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne · 16/01/2013 23:15

Does anyone else keep getting adverts for UK Visa applications lawyers over there? ---->

OP posts:
ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 16/01/2013 23:13

Which of these is not an agricultural event

a)National Farmers Union Conference
b) Royal Bath and West Show
c) Cowes Week
d) Countryside Live

MsMoastyToasty · 16/01/2013 23:08

You wish to purchase goods at your local shop. How many times will the words "thank you" be uttered when you take your items to the till?

a) Once, by you, when you have paid for said goods

b) At least seven times - when you put your items on the counter (you and the cashier), when you take the items once they have been scanned (you), when you are given a bag (you), when you proffer payment (both of you), when you receive your change (you).

Original poster
MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne · 16/01/2013 23:05

Grin at Talkin

OP posts:
Original poster
MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne · 16/01/2013 23:05

Morris Dancing. Just why?

OP posts:
TalkinPeace2 · 16/01/2013 23:04

Mardy
but the answer to the whole of your list is "Islington" Grin

Original poster
MardyBraWouldDoEddieRedmayne · 16/01/2013 23:02

In which parts of the country are you most likely to find the following:

Laverbread
Traditional pasty
Black Pudding
Balti
Jellied Eels
Deep Fried Mars Bar?

OP posts:
magimedi88 · 16/01/2013 22:37

You are a reasonably intelligent mother.

Which forum do you join?

A. NetMums

B. MumsNet

C. PistonHeads

TalkinPeace2 · 16/01/2013 22:33

When hailing a taxi in Trafalgar Square, which of these destinations is NOT acceptable?
a) Harrods
b) Bishops Avenue
c) New Cross Bridge
d) Windsor Castle

Which station is at the end of the Circle line?