Please or to access all these features

Mumsnet classics

Relive the funniest, most unforgettable threads. For a daily dose of Mumsnet’s best bits, sign up for Mumsnet's daily newsletter.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Omg such anality from pil. Come and share your anal behaviour stories (lighthearted)

911 replies

ledkr · 05/01/2013 11:04

We are with pil at present and they are very sweet but so bloody uptight about everything.
Bil has been away for a week so he left car with pil so that it "wasn't left in the street" it has a steering lock on and fil takes it for a drive each day! The car is an old banger worth about two hundred quid.
Kids can't even eat a banana without a table cloth,mat and plate Hmm
Leaving the house to walk to shops is a major ordeal. Costs hats gloves change of shoes everything switched off at the wall last minute run upstairs for wallets. I could have been there and back.
So I'm asking you to entertain me with similar stories to help me through the day.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 06/01/2013 15:56

My dad has a wordprocessed shopping list, typed up from the one he wrote walking round Tescos, so that everything's written in the order you'd find it in the shop.

Each week he edits out the stuff they don't need, and prints the shopping list.

Oh God, Euphemia - is it bad that I read this and thought 'what a good idea'??

My parents have done some of the things on this thread - very out of date food, changing the sheets each week, with the top sheet becoming the bottom one, and the bottom one going to the wash, set days to do things, set times for things (I once suggested making a cup of coffee at 8.50pm, instead of waiting until 9pm, and was told in shocked tones that it was 'too early'), and they had to watch the news and weather at 6pm and 9pm every day.

I think it must be catching - I watch the 6 o clock news each night now, and have even been known to record it if I was going to miss it. I'm on the slippery slope, aren't I?

LapsedPacifist · 06/01/2013 15:52

Re. age is all in the mind: I'm in my early 50s and an undergraduate who has just passed their driving test! Blush . Gosh, I'll be losing my virginity next! Grin

DS (16) has mild Asperger's, and tends towards the fogeyish, so I make him sit with me and watch 'Inbetweeners' and 'Fresh Meat' on telly (to introduce him to the mysteries of 'teen culture') which we then solemnly discuss from an anthropological perspective. Aged Mama (84) often joins us - I make sure she has a pad on because she laughs so much she wees herself - it acts as a wonderful tonic for her. Her humour has become rather scatalogical in old age Hmm.

OTOH, DH (with mild OCD) is the worst worrywart in the world for checking everything 90 times before we leave the house, and is a very anxious traveller. It makes going abroad on holiday almost unbearably stressful, so we don't do it very often Sad.

So I guess old age IS in the mind!

LapsedPacifist · 06/01/2013 15:36

Oldies warm plates because they eat very slowly, due to chewing each mouthful 20 times having sore teeth and gums and uncomfortable dental plates and appliances, and the food goes cold before they've finished if served up on an unheated plate.

Used to drive me CRAZY - I would spend ages cooking a delicious meal for Aged Mama, then as soon as I announced I was dishing up, she'd insist on putting the plates in the oven for 10 minutes first (or that bonkers thing of boiling up a kettle and plunging the plates into hot water) so the food would go cold/dry out.

Then she discovered the joy of MICROWAVES! She usually heats up her food 2 or 3 times during the course of a meal now, but at least we're spared the heating the plates thing!

JuliaScurr · 06/01/2013 14:56

there must be some explanation for dh's endless faff with food every time one particular set of friends visit. They're very strict with their kids re biscuits, crisps etc, so it is TORTURE for me (disabled) trying to subtly get dh to get the sodding pasta on/make a variety of sandwiches, no need to ask everyone exactly what filling they want - ffs, the kids are virtually crying with hunger, their parents won't let them have eg toast before dinner even though nobody has any real idea when the buggering dinner will be ready.
he's lovely sometimes.
apart from thecrap time management
inappropriate napping
low libido
Smile

EggRules · 06/01/2013 14:48

I am another savage that doesn't normally warm plates. Early-elderlies warm plates if they are mixing hot and cold, like chicken and salad.

EggRules · 06/01/2013 14:43

DM and Dmil both buy clothes way too small for DS. They provide a gift receipt, the actual receipt Confused, hanger and carrier bag. All four are provided to me with the gift wrapped outfit so that [the lady of the house] can make the necessary change. Alternatively, they could buy the size we talked about when they made a special call when in the shop.

bluer · 06/01/2013 14:42

My lovely dad and my step mum insist on cremating absolutely everything they cook. Got a nice piece of beef? Well we'll cook it till its grey and chewy. Chicken? Packet instruction plus at least an hour...at a much higher oven temp. I nearly threw the entire tray of homemade roast potatoes at one xmas dinner my dad had the cheek to tell me that aunt Bessies didn't take as long.
I really think they have no taste buds!

SPBInDisguise · 06/01/2013 14:36

Oh yes we don't warm plates/ I'm sure both sets of parents think us savages but are too polite to mention. The food's hot, and I eat quick Blush

SPBInDisguise · 06/01/2013 14:35

No early 60s is not old! FIL who is in his early 60s has just done the coast to coast walk.
Whereas when I was a child I'm sure early 60s was getting on a bit, and if you were in your 70s you were a little old man/lady. How times change.

breatheslowly · 06/01/2013 14:30

My PIL, who are normal and lovely in almost every way, have an obsession with food going cold before you eat it. I assume it comes from living in cold, drafty houses without central heating - but seems to have lingered, even though their house and our house are both perfectly warm.

This was most obvious the day we suggested getting a Chinese takeaway at their house. MIL tends to cook faffy 2-3 course meals with a lot of effort and apologising for things she isn't totally happy with. We though a takeaway would give her a break. When the takeaway arrived in the house the plates had to be put in a sink of hot water to warm up. Then both PIL set about trying to find the plug in hot plate thing (not sure what it is called) for the takeaway cartons to sit on. This was found after about 10-15 min of hunting and plugged in to warm up. Eventually we sat down to eat, the food having cooled a little in the process. This all struck me as completely pointless as I really don't mind if my food has cooled a little and takeaway barely hits my plate before being eaten.

They have always been very polite and never mentioned that we don't warm plates in our house. I am sure it grates.

TwinkleReturns · 06/01/2013 14:17

Love this thread Grin

My Nana was def one of these. For starters she kept everything in the box and packaging that it came in. So hoovering or ironing involved a lengthy exercise of hauling the boxed item out of its cupboard, taking it out the box, unwrapping it etc before wiping it down after use and repacking it.

She insisted on "filling the bin" the day before collection which usually meant that she would be out in the garden hacking bits of tree down specifically for the purpose of filling the bin. It had to be plant material though, no other rubbish could be found to "fill the bin".

She used to wait for the postman to come and then stalk him up the road picking up the elastic bands that he dropped. These would go into a special jar for postman elsatic bands, which must be kept segregated from "bought" elastic bands.

She had a special jar for those straws that you get on orange juice cartons. The juice could never be consumed straight from the carton Shock; the corner must be neatly snipped with the carton snipping scissors and the juice poured into a glass of exactly the right size. The straws were placed in the jar and never used.

Envelopes were cut up into small squares onto which she would write in tiny handwriting her weekly shopping list. She would shop in the order that the items were listed so would often pick up carrots, then march to the other end of the store to get lemonade and then all the way back to the veg aisle for potatoes. She would never deviate from the list incase she missed something.

And she kept everything. She had tins for all manner of random bits - buttons, packets, bags, string. If you mentioned needing to buy something be it glue, knickers or food item she wou;d always say "Ahh hang on" and disappear only to return half an hour later with whatever it was you needed, always in a little plastic bag and looking like it had been lurking in a cupboard for a good ten years!

There are hundreds more but Id be here all day! Lovely woman though, I do miss her Smile

akaemmafrost · 06/01/2013 14:16

When they go on holiday, even to a hotel, my parents take tea bags and my Mum bakes a cake specially to take the day before so they can have tea and cake on arrival. They go to the same country every year.

My Mum will on line bank on the ancient desk top computer but never in a million years on her Kindle Fire "it's different!"

My Mum arranges her whole day around the dogs meal times. Of which there are three a day. The first thing she asks on us arrival is "has your dog eaten Emma?" Then a big bustle to create a tasty dish for "Emma's poor boy!"

She only ever has her phone switched on when out of the house so my Dad can reach her if he needs too and holds it carefully next to her ear likes its am unexplored bomb as she talks.

Honestly I could be here all day!

KatieScarlett2833 · 06/01/2013 14:02

DH has the potential to join the elders who prolong the goodbyes. DC and I call his extensive leave-taking " the farewell tour". He is also, without exception, the last to leave the house due to him needing to check every light, door, window, alarm, plug, etc. Even when driving the 2 mins it takes to get to Tesco.
I'm looking into nursing homes, he's only 44 Confused

EggRules · 06/01/2013 14:00

Elderly is an attitude, I don't think early 60s is old. Maybe we collect habits so insidiously that it all seems normal?

My own evidnce of this slippery slope:
I always get mine and DS's entire outfit ready for the next day. I've just remembered I am working from home tomorrow. I've put the office appropriate outfit (and undies) back in the wardrobe. Before this thread it would have stayed on the back of the door ready for Tuesday at 6:30am. I am not in the armed forces btw.

DH does the 'old slivers of soap and squeeze into a new bar'. At brunch he just performed his most annoying autopsy to remove non existent bacon fat.

KatieScarlett2833 · 06/01/2013 13:51

My beloved, darling stepfather is on the brink of total organisational madness since he recently retired.
We are all going on holiday together. On Christmas Day he presented 13 of us (including DC) a five page set of travel instructions, including exact times of collection from each of our various addresses right through to the cabin name, deck floor and approximate location in relation to the others.
We are travelling in July.

scottishmummy · 06/01/2013 13:26

tutting,loud tutting for no apparent reason.accompanied by pursed lip shesh
obsessed by buses and bus numbers,running commentary of look it's 44, oh another 44
audible gasp when told price of anything,followed by how much?

notcitrus · 06/01/2013 13:16

MIL tells everyone else her hearing aids don't work or hurt. I wear hearing aids myself so call her on this and tell her she needs to get used to them, get earmoulds adjusted, and they won't work in a drawer.
So she tried telling me the batteries kept running out and she didn't have any - so I gave her some. Since then she keeps getting lots of batteries just to give to me so the NHS doesn't 'waste' them on her...

The only explanation I can get out of her is that if she wears hearing aids, people will think she's deaf. As opposed to everyone shouting at her and her not understanding.

Though given FIL's ability to get worked up about the tiniest thing, like which teaspoon would be best to use in the mustard, and lots of grandchildren under 5, I suspect she just likes the peace and quiet now all the good telly has subtitles. Of course they can't program the DVD recorder so any outing has to be preceded by phone calls to ensure SIL or neighbour can record her favourite quiz show if they might not get back in time.

Bonus IL bingo points if FIL manages to shout about getting a programme recorded for MIL that she didn't want anyway. This is where we turn the conversation back to the wine - we have to try all of the ones they brought back from France last year in time for this year's trip. And very nice they are too. :)

edam · 06/01/2013 13:11

condiments reminds me, when I first met dh's parents, I was surprised to discover they never put salt and pepper out on the dining table. They had several 'cruet sets' but you had to ask specifically if you wanted a pinch of salt with your roasties. This wasn't a health kick, no idea why they thought salt was so... luxurious? that it could only be doled out very, very carefully if you really wanted some.

RandallPinkFloyd · 06/01/2013 13:09

LaQ my mum does that.

Making pasta and pasata for DS involves at least 3 shouts for instructions then a final summons to "come and have a look".

She's doing it at the same time as making a roast dinner for 11 people, and she was a bloody professional cook for over 20 years!

scottishmummy · 06/01/2013 13:07

condiment stuffing,hell if it isn't nailed down it's half inched straight to bag
carrys scissors and randomly takes cuttings from plants neighbours, in park,anywhere

dashoflime · 06/01/2013 13:00

My housemate had "indoor clothes" to prevent her transferring dirt from the outside onto the furniture.

My Nana uses pins to ensue all the folds in her net curtains are exactly parallel

LRDtheFeministDragon · 06/01/2013 13:00
Blush

I know I need help ....

I think this thread shows that 'elderly' is quite often an attitude of mind, isn't it?

LaQueen · 06/01/2013 12:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RandallPinkFloyd · 06/01/2013 12:57

Xfil is also a weather obsessive.

XH used to work about 50 miles away, motorway practically door to door so rarely more than an hour.

This was deemed "travelling" to work and he was much congratulated for his stamina.

Every morning xfil would text him with the weather forecast and his prediction for the implications of said weather on the driving conditions. Hints and tips would be included.

We used to refer to it as the morning report.

It arrived every day without fail between 7 and 7:30am as that is when xfil gets up. XH arrived at work at 6:30am.

SPBInDisguise · 06/01/2013 12:53

sorry that Hmm was aimed only at myself for using the term "elderly" to describe people in their 50s and 60s most of whom will be fitter than me
Already offended with a Hmm today, don't want to make a habit of it :)

Swipe left for the next trending thread