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Original poster

Today I Am Packing A Bag And Leaving

721 replies

DoneWithItAllNow · 13/12/2012 11:38

I can't do this anymore. I have been taking a cocktail of antidepressants and beta blockers for two years plus having counselling for depression and anxiety and I was just starting to think things were getting better.

Then I properly opened my eyes and looked around me. I saw the state of this flat, what I have been subjecting my disabled husband to for the past 18 months. Oh my God, I am so ashamed and I can't believe I am writing this but I need someone to judge me and tell me how terrible I am and it will be best coming from strangers over the Internet.

My house is a shit-tip. I don't mean a mess, I mean an absolute shit tip. And I can't face doing anything about it. We have not used our kitchen for 18 months. It is a mess of washing up never done, mould and dead flies. We do not even make tea in there and DH has a microwave ready meal each night cooked in a microwave so filthy that I am surprised I have not poisoned him. I live on biscuits, cabs of coke, whatever I can keep in the lounge. There is a leftover chicken casserole in my fridge that I cooked in May 2010 for fuck sake.

I cannot face dealing with it. The rest of the flat is no better. There are piles of washing everywhere as all I have washed is underwear and essential work stuff.

I called a cleaning company to ask for help. I wanted to see how much they would charge just to sort the kitchen. The lady who came out told me nobody will do it. Apparently it is classed as "gross filth" and I would have to employ a specialist team "like you see on Grime Squad." I know I could never afford that.

This place is damp and falling apart. The landlord doesn't care and we need to move. Seven months ago I had a ceiling fall in but I can't tell the landlord as he will come round and I can't let him see this place in this state.

So today I am packing a bag and leaving. I don't know where yet but I have to go. It is either that or something more drastic. DH will be better off without me. I have no real friends but I know that people will rally round to help the poor disabled man who's wife has left him with this to deal with. It will be better for all of us.

I can't believe I let things get like this. I don't know why I am posting this. I just need to get it in writing somewhere.

OP posts:
harrietspy · 17/12/2012 16:34

Wow, naok, that's fantastic!

JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 17/12/2012 15:24

Im with chaz "An hour and Im proud!"

naok latin - shudder!

louistheseventeenth · 17/12/2012 15:16

thanks chaz

NaokHoHoHo · 17/12/2012 15:05

Furry of course not Fluffy. Apologies.

NaokHoHoHo · 17/12/2012 15:02

sticks head back into thread Hope OP and Fluffy are still enjoying their wonderful progress, and everyone else too :)

Managed to do more work on thesis. A full page of translation from medieval Latin. Doesn't sound like much, but my Latin is frankly shoddy a bit rustier than I'd like so it took quite a while. It made me feel good though, there's loads more to do but at least it reminded me that I do actually know how, which makes it less big and scary.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 17/12/2012 14:17

louis

Glad to hear you have escaped the Void.

Wrong phrase though
Did an hour and felt proud of myself for doing it!

And repeat

AdoraJingleBells · 17/12/2012 14:09

Hope you had a happy birthday Done

Fluffy hope you are feeling better.

louistheseventeenth · 17/12/2012 14:03
Blush did an hour and gave up Blush working tomorrow, will try again on wednesday when i'm off
JaxTellerIsMyFriend · 17/12/2012 14:01

has louis resurfaced yet? Grin

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 17/12/2012 11:20

louis
If you are not out by 2pm we'll send in the search party Wink

louistheseventeenth · 17/12/2012 09:20

Inspired by this thread, I am today tackling the pit that is my living room.

Wish me luck, I'm going in.

Engelsemama · 17/12/2012 08:58

Great thread. Inspiring me to get off the sofa and get cleaning.

nkf · 16/12/2012 22:42

DameFanny is a bizarre but welcome entrant to this thread. It takes the conversation in unexpected directions.

ReallyNotTotallyStupidPromise · 16/12/2012 22:17

Done & Furry how are you both doing today?

Done I somehow managed to miss your birthday! Hope you had a good time Thanks & Wine

Whatiswitnit · 16/12/2012 21:37

Smile What a fabulous thread.

Skang · 16/12/2012 11:12

Damefanny, what thread did you think you were replying to?

susanann · 16/12/2012 11:11

Hi Done, belated birthday wishes for yesterday. I expect you have had your bacon sarnie by now. mmmmm! lovely! Hope you enjoyed it! x

DameFannyGallopsBEHINDyou · 16/12/2012 10:40

Oh how the Fuck did that happen? Blush

DameFannyGallopsBEHINDyou · 16/12/2012 10:39

Does it help to remind yourself that this isn't genuine interest in the baby herself - or she would have come more often or at least remembered to Skype - but she's treating your child like a doll she can use as an excuse for a drama.

I'm not seeing anything healthy in her to be honest. So you just need to focus on protecting your dd from her really.

What did DH say after the call?

wheredidiputchristmas · 16/12/2012 09:30

Hope you had good birthday yesterday Done.

Enjoy your bacon sandwich and cooked dinner today.

Remember it took years to get into this mess, if it take's a month or two to sort your home out to how you want it will still be a great achievement.

TiaMariaandEggnog · 16/12/2012 01:47

Glad it's all still going in the right direction for you DoneWithItAllNow! you've made such amazing progress since this thread started! and Thanks to the luffly MN cleaning helpers!!

FurryDogMother - I'm also in Ireland and very happy to help out if we're in any way local to each other - PM me if you'd like a hand! :)

PurpleCrazyHorse · 15/12/2012 22:47

Fantastic job everyone and what a brilliant bunch of ladies to pop over and help. Although DH and I don't have any depression issues that might make things more difficult cleaning wise, we do try to do the washing up every night (no space for a dishwasher).

I'd definitely say, get that dishwasher on every night regardless of how full it is so it's always ready to be emptied in the morning for refilling. Don't fall into the trap of not putting it on as it's not full because food will get caked on, then you'll stop using it etc. Obviously once you get into the habit, then it's fine to leave a mug or two in there until the morning, but best to get into the habit first.

Absolutely ensure you're getting every second of support from SS/Council. Including any extra waste pickups they can do or indeed getting some regular cleaning help. There's no shame in getting all the help you're entitled to, it's your right and if it helps keep your home, homely, then it's worth it.

Furry can you get a quote now for a company to clear the outhouse as it stands. I'm worried that the more bags you add, the more expensive it will be and maybe make it un-affordable. Are there municipal bins you could put a bag in every day on your way out somewhere? In a week, that would be 14 bags gone. At 5 euro a bag, that's quite a bit of money saved. Even at every other day, that's quite a bit of rubbish removed.

harrietspy · 15/12/2012 21:57

happy birthday, done (I hope you don't mind me calling you 'done' - I like the tick-in-the-box feel of it Smile).

I've been inspired to get out my old copy of Sink Reflections (the Flylady book) which is seriously gloopy in parts but full of lots of sound advice, like pacing yourself & being kind to yourself. I'm not sure whether it's Flylady or someone else who talks about being kind to your future self if you can't manage being kind to yourself now - ie if I make the bed now I'm being kind to the tired self who'll come home this evening. It sounds bizarre but it really helps me to do the things I think I don't have the energy for. (And on that note, I'm going to wash up before bed to be kind to my future self...)

Also seriously impressed with furry. Sounds like you've done so much already!

Hey, done, look what you started!

AllOverIt · 15/12/2012 21:47

Wow checked in for an update... Amazing thread!! Grin So pleased you've come so far OP. It's restored my faith in humanity!

PlentyOfPubeGardens · 15/12/2012 21:12

Sorry to hear you've had a rough day furry, it sounds like you've done loads though! Well done! Thanks

I'm tackling the shredding mountain this evening with a beer or two. Onwards and upwards!

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