what is the oddest thing someone has done when you have visited their house?

When I was younger, I was for a short time friends with a boy who would invite everyone round to his house. There would be a group of us stood on his doorstep while his mum stood at the threshold and pointed out who could come in and who couldn't. She would reject at random. Some days you would be allowed in, others turned away.

Went to visit then boyfriend's mother for the first time to stay for a weekend. That night we were squeezed into his single bed in his boyhood bedroom, and luckily we were just talking, when his mother walked in without knocking and handed me a small hand towel, or it might have been a face flannel, anyway she said 'this is your honey towel, just in case you two get up to anything'. And then walked out. I suppose she meant it was for wiping my bits on. Anyway, next morning, really early, the door BURST open and very large man dressed in camouflage gear, carrying a shot gun, ran into room yelling 'AHA!' I nearly wet myself, but boyfriend explained it was his cousin who was 'always up to daft things'. Final image from that weekend was going into the dining room to find six cats on the table, all busily eating our dinner. She just shooed them off and kind of flapped a tea towel at the plates.

and DP were invited to friends house for tea one evening.
The bloke answered the door with just a towel covering his knob but not wrapped around his waist, actually held in over the top.
When I introduced him to my DP, he dropped the towel to shake DP's hand revealing a huge, I mean HUGE, really weirdly purple-coloured knob with really dangly balls weirdest gential area I've ever seen

He made no apologies for this and just walked off upstairs to 'get changed' and came back down a few minutes later in jeans and a T-shirt and we had food.

No-one spoke of it all night or since. We're still kind of friends but everytime I see him

Me and DP were invited to friends house for tea one evening.
The bloke answered the door with just a towel covering his knob but not wrapped around his waist, actually held in over the top.
When I introduced him to my DP, he dropped the towel to shake DP's hand revealing a huge, I mean HUGE, really weirdly purple-coloured knob with really dangly balls weirdest gential area I've ever seen

He made no apologies for this and just walked off upstairs to 'get changed' and came back down a few minutes later in jeans and a T-shirt and we had food.

No-one spoke of it all night or since. We're still kind of friends but everytime I see him I can't get the image of his bits out of my head

This happened a very, very long time ago. My mum and I didn't have a phone (and this was long before mobiles), but she had a long-standing arrangement with her older brother that she and I (she was a widow) went to visit him and his wife every second Friday. We would have dinner and then go home. We would just go round to the back of their house and let ourselves in the back door, walk through the kitchen and into the living room.
One Friday we made the trip across town, it was a dark winter's night, and as usual we walking round their path to the back of the house. We opened the back door and the kitchen was in darkness for some reason. The switch was on the other side of the room. No bother, we had walked through this kitchen so many times, we could have done it blindfolded anyway.
First thing that made me think something was wrong was when I heard a crash and a 'Christ!' from my mum. I was walking behind her in this dark - and now unfamiliar room - as she bumped into a table, knocked over a chair and so on. For some reason she turned round and whispered 'just get out now'. We crashed and banged our way through the kitchen furniture again, and out the back door. I looked up at the upstairs bedroom window and saw the face of a strange young boy looking down at me (aunt and uncle were late middle aged and had no children at home). He pointed at me and then opened his mouth and was obviously yelling something. Mum and I legged it round the path and ran until we were on the main road again. Aunt and uncle had moved out and a new family had moved in, and they'd not told us! So we were clattering about in a stranger's kitchen. My mother was mildly annoyed but I found the whole thing quite scary.

Weirdest thing ever that happened to me was when me and DB (now DH) went to stay at a uni friends house. We're ttc at the time so thought we could get away with a quiet shag (maybe we were in the wrong shagging in someone else's house but I digress)

Anyway, the next morning I was straightening my hair in the living room when my friend came in and congratulated me on finding a bloke who "lasted ages before he came" and then proceeded to tell me she would be having lots of sex with her DP as a result of hearing us boak

Lavender, that's just shocking

A family member asked me to leave for bf. No matter it was 6.00am and no one about and the baby was 6 weeks old plus a toddler. I was covered up too, not lounging naked on the sofa! I had to pack and load the car myself within hour (!) as I was staying and find somewhere else, seeing as I was supposed to be at theirs for a week, and normally lived abroad. No internet available so just sat in car calling random people trying to find someone with Internet access to book me a hotel/ holiday cottage.

Drove alone with baby and toddler from Paris, caught ferry, drove 2 hours to parents. Told they were tired and couldnt manage people ( me and dc ) staying. They told me this through a window. I actually thought they were being held hostage or something, then realised they were just weird. Had to beg to use loo for toddlers . Sat in car and booked rental cottage, in a more child friendly area, online and drove there instead.

I was on a course in Chilwell (Nottingham) where I made friends with another girl on the course. We were issued with loads of kit - far more than you could carry. At the end of the course my squadron had arranged a hire car to get me and my kit home. Where as the other girl's squadron had clearly forgotten about her and she had no means of getting home. I lived in Dulwich (South London), she lived near Guildford so although it was out of my way I offered to drive her home, in the spirit of helping out a comrade. We set off on a Friday afternoon into appalling traffic. The M25 was stationary and the A3 was a hellhole. After 7 hours at the wheel we finally arrived at her house. We both got out of the car and stretched our aching limbs. I helped her carry her kitbags into her house and then she went to shut the door in my face. I remonstrated and asked to use her loo after all the driving I'd done. As it was clear that she had no intention of offering me a cup of tea before I went back on the road I departed in high dugeon and got myself tea at a petrol station.

Regardless of our previous promises to write to each other when we were on tour - we never communicated again.

Baked potato is a fine meal - Tuesday evening or Saturday lunch. Not Saturday night!

Funnily enough we had a lovely Norwegian girl staying with us for 3 months she seemed perfectly happy with our nice Saturday dinners (then went off clubbing all night making dh and I feel right old gimmers)

Kerala, sounds like you have been to Norway!

We all eat with the kids, around 5-6 pm - or rather the kids eat what the adults have. Baked potato is a FINE meal. Interesting toppings? Like tuna and cheese, and a salad on the side? Or just a plain jacket with baked beans on the side?

Nothing interesting but a few baffling culinary ones. On Saturday nights dh and I try and have a nice dinner, nothing complex but nice curry or steak and chips. When people stay with us we figure kids in bed 8 ish crack open the wine have a nice meal and catch up. Even if just the 2 of us at home on sat pm have a half decent tea. Dh works crazy hours and looks forward to this.

So you can imagine his face when we stayed with my old school friend and her husband. 6pm arrives table set, baked potatoes in oven fine kids tea. But no. We all had to eat baked potatoes and baked beans with ski yoghurt to follow, no booze all over by 6.30. Kids were all tiny as well. Thought dh was going to cry!

Carried a vote Tory bag to a working class house

Weirdest for me was second time I went to stay at MIL's. She asked if I wanted hairdryer after my shower. I said no I just let it air dry. She brought it in anyway (walked in while I'm in towel) and proceeds to start brushing my hair for me and drying it like a five year old. Cringe worthy. Very hard to tell her to F off too because I didn't speak the language at the time. that changed fast.

Other embarrassing incident was doing an immovable poo in their bathroom which whole village knew about by the end in the search for plungers. We won't be staying again any time soon! Asked DH to cover for me and thought he had until he told me after that he had let it slip during the unblock age process. Oh the shame!

Drinks and nibbles at friends house.

We all had to stand around the dining table, as all the seats were preoccupied by their two year old, as she had first dibs on all seats, and had not yet decided where she wanted to sit. She also wanted all the bowls of nibbles, so she got them. She kept changing from seat to seat, moving all the bowls with her, which was quite amusing to watch. In fact I wonder if this was the entertainment....

I got tired of standing, so did sit down, she did not mind. But me and her were the only ones sitting. I felt honoured.

Really enjoyed reading these! Housework totally neglected...

Mine isn't as good but in the interest of keeping this thread very much alive...

When I was a teen we all headed to my Aunts house for a bbq. It was tipping it down with rain, but they insisted on having it anyway with Uncle grilling away under the garage door. Aunt brought in the occasional plate of cool soggy overcooked meat products.
The next time they suggested a bbq the same thing happened so on the third time it was suggested my parents decided we were probably busy.

Several years later.....
We're all grown up now with kids of our own. Sister wants to celebrate youngest niece's birthday. Aunt suggests we use her new static caravan she wanted to show it off and have a bbq!
Guess what? It rained. Oh boy did it rained. Eight adults and three kids stuck in a small lounge in a tin box in the rain.
It gets worse. We went to pick up Sis and Bil on the way to the caravan, they were watching the rugby and weren't keen to rush. We waited, getting hungry. Sis is cross at me for bringing cupcakes (Mum had asked me to!) as she'd made a birthday cake - it was tiny.
Five minutes after arriving at tiny caravan Bil falls asleep. I mention this to Mum and she tells me that Bil has "had a tough month at work". Aparently that makes it all right.
Bbq isn't called off, instead everything is grilled in the tiny oven and we are treated to hours of Radio 2 and my Uncle going on about how good quality the sausages were I found them a bit too dry and my Aunt generally fussing over the mess three little kids can make. She has none of her own so doesn't really "get" kids. I now know more about the local butchers than I ever really want to.
Rain eases, Aunt decides she's had enough of the noise and insists the kids are taken to the play area in the caravan park. She doesn't want to come. Aparently there's a bouncy castle.
It was cold, still quite wet but the kids were happy as they'd had enough of being cooped up.
There was a bouncy castle but it wasn't inflated and my Dad let my DS run straight through it and fall over in a massive puddle in the middle where the plastic was folded. I didn't blame my Dad, DS was a bit of a handful at the time.
DNiece the older got bored and ran back to the caravan only to fall over on an empty hardstanding and scuff her knees quite badly.
Cue much flapping from Aunt when she sees soggy, muddy and blood spattered kids coming back. Never mind it was her idea we take them out IN THE RAIN in the first place.
Bil is still asleep. He misses the birthday cake coming out and the candles being blown out. He woke a bit later, ate some cold sausage and is treated to the same long story about the quality of the local butchers and we all go home.
Sis and Bil expect us to stop and their house for a bit before going on home. Niece the elder is potty training and I realise pretty quickly an accident has clearly not long happened upon sofa I am sitting on and it wasn't cleared up properly. The smell....
We go home after Nicece the elder covers lounge floor with every toy she owns...
Aunt and Uncle have never suggested anyone use their caravan for any sort of family event again but do occasionally remind us of how much clearing up they'd had to do.

Not as good as the Bum Towel incident (I'll be forever nervous of drying my hands in someone elses house after reading that!!) but it has put me off bbq's for life now.

Flightywoman - Dave The Wanker isn't in Herefordshire is he

Last year I took my partner to meet my parents at their house for the first time. We lived 3 hours away away so were going to stay overnight. It was a prearranged visit but for some reason when we arrived my mum acted like we had royally pissed her off by turning up. Asked if we'd eaten, to which the answer was no, she huffed "Well I'm not going to cook for you!" We ended up getting sausage rolls from a petrol station round the corner. We had the most strained small talk you can imagine (I've had warmer chats at the hairdressers'). To this day I've no idea what her problem was - on every occasion since, she's been perfectly cordial.

Anyone else got one to share? I've loved reading these.

A very long time ago - probably around 1978 - my mum's boyfriend at the time was doing some long-distance driving and picked up a hitch-hiking couple. They seemed ok, and he said that they must pop in if they were ever in the town where we lived. And so one day this very odd hippy couple arrived at the door, took possession of the front sitting room and stayed in it all day, every day. They had huge tearing rows pretty much every day, and would come out in the middle of the night to cook weird food. This went on for at least a week if not longer. They did eventually leave, but I don't know if they were told to go or they just decided their visit was over.

A couple of years later we were 'lucky' enough to be taken up by a man who became known as Dave The Wanker. We always used to have our door unlocked so he would just walk in every Sunday just as lunch was being dished up so because we were polite we would ask him to join us. Then he would talk long and often about how he had taught his ex-partner everything about sex and never wanted to teach a virgin again. And then he came round while my mum was out and got his knob out at me - I was utterly horrified, being only 15 and quite innocent. It was really shiny... We took to locking the door and pretending to be out till he stopped coming round.

Not myself, but my aunt visited her in-laws. She stayed long enough to need the loo. She was asked "Wee or poo?". Turns out they have a water meter and if you only need a wee everybody goes for a wee before it gets flushed to save money. Mercifully guests are allowed to flush their poo without sharing. She now always goes before her visit and consumes no food or drink on such days.

Love this thread

I have 2 ill children and been stuck in the house for a few days now. I've read the whole if this thread and it's been thoroughly entertaining. My gast is flabbered! Genuinely sad that I've reached the end.

I rented a room years ago in a house owned by a similarish age lady professional in London. All OK for the first week, chatting in the kitchen after work nothing much, just friendly. On the first Saturday afternoon sitting down in the lounge she announced in a thick German accent that "actually I wasn't too bad (looking)" and that although it wouldn't happen immediately "we would, for sure, be having a sexual relationship soon" . I stayed out a lot more only using the room for sleeping only to get a complaint from her one night on my return that I was unfriendly and selfish, which ended up with a mug smashed over my head. Needless to say the next day after she had gone to work I rang my employers who came and took me and all my possessions away. I left the key on the side table and about £100 for the rent paid up to the end of the month and had only been there about two weeks!

I could feature on this thread as one of the bizzaros. One day shortly after we were married, my husband decided to bring a colleague home from work. It was my day off and I'd been doing a deep clean so, being dirty and hot, I was lolling on the sofa in just my knickers and a grubby t-shirt. Mr Lola hadn't thought to call and warn me that someone was coming, so the first I knew of it was when the door opened and I heard "come in and meet my wife!".

Now, a few things are important to note - the bedroom door was right beside the front door, and there was no way for me to get in there and change my clothes without both of then seeing me. Second, my husband works at a temple and his colleague was deeply religious.

Panicked, I bolted into the kitchen and ignored my husband calling out. He came to find me and I whispered furiously that I couldn't meet his colleague dressed like this. The only thing was, the kitchen didn't have a door (it had an archway) so the colleague would have heard voices and known I was there. I hid in the kitchen pretending not to exist until he made his excuses and left. Strangely he was only in the house about 10 minutes... he must have thought I was a nutcase