what is the oddest thing someone has done when you have visited their house?

Recently I stayed with the ILs for a week. They live abroad and cultural norms are v different. There are 7 adults and 2 babies living in their 2 bed flat, plus an auntie and grown up cousin were staying, so pretty chocka. DS and I do get abedroom to ourselves but still. Anyway, SIL who doesn't live there invited us to stay at hers for 2 nights, plenty of space, just her, bil and dn, for peace and quiet. We happily went, first night there was lovely, great night's sleep etc.

The next day, she cooks an amazing lunch which never gets eaten because her nosy neighbour lets herself in to the house (she has access for the roof terrace) and they start to row about nosy neighbour coming in and snooping when they aren't home. Being a hot headed type of people this row soon gets physical, neighbour smashes sil's picture on the stone steps, SIL has to be restrained, other neighbours turn up and get involved. I'm trying to stay out of the way with DS and dn, getting pretty pissed off.

After it calmed down a bit we all went back to Mil's house where I stayed for the night. SIL went home with another SIL. Younger SIL comes back later brandishing a clump of hair that she has pulled out of beighbour's head, and showing a small cut on her finger from where she grabbed a knife from neighbour's DH

When SIL comes up the following day she asks me why I didn't being DS back down for the night? Hmmmmmm.....

This thread is brilliant. Makes me feel normal

We didn't set off especially early but there was just no traffic an this was pre-dc so no pit stops every ten minutes! it was and remains the best run we have ever had down there!

Dh is a panicker though so it would have been somewhere around 6:30 ish. He has chilled the fuck out calmed down since or I will kill him.

I forgot I say they didn't offer us lunch either! God love her but she was bonkers.

Ours was when we were invited round by a friend of DH and his newish gf for a film and a takeaway. Went round there, all normal, had the takeaway, some wine and a catch up, then put the film on. It was a film about this guy who takes a job as a security guard in a condemned building, which turns out to be haunted, I can't remember the name of it.

So DH and I got settled on one double settee and DH's friend and his GF were on another, a couple of feet away. But instead of watching the film (which tbf wasn't very good) they spent the whole time writhing around on the sofa, one on top of the other snogging furiously! DH and I were watching the boring film, politely trying to ignore the practical sex show going on across the room.

This continued through at least half the boring film until suddenly GF surfaced from under BF, peered at the film for a minute and went "so who's that guy?" (that guy being pretty much the only character in the film in the film, which had by now been on for the best part of an hour).

Well they only got up and started the film again from the start. And then recommended relations on the sofa. DH and I had to watch the whole thing again from the start for no good reason.

This thread is brilliant.
My contributions:

On visiting my in laws for the first time ever (with DD, 3 step DDs and a 6 month pg bump), we walked in to the living room where FIL was sat sitting in an armchair with a bottle of beer in hand, in a string vest. (This was only 1992 btw). He said hello, and would I like a drink? I replied that I would, and he said "Go and look in the cupboard down the hall then" and proceeded to swig from his bottle, and turned back to the TV. The rest of the visit continued in the same vein. XP had inherited the same manners so am glad to shot of him now.
I know it isn't as shocking as some of these but wanted to offload!

My DM used to charge us rent for visiting over xmas. The rate was £25 p/w, this was 1984. I was 18 and a poor student. Good way of getting rid of us though, thanks mum.

When I was getting married my bridesmaid and I looked at dresses for her and saw some she liked. I then saw one she had liked as 20% off online (was debenhams) and text her to say, and offered to buy it if it was the one she liked. She then replied saying she would buy her outfit as a wedding gift to me and proceeded to buy it online which I thought was great.

Then she asked me to meet in town to look for her shoes and bag to match and to show me the dress on etc so we did and we found a pair of shoes she "quite liked" but were in the sale (so couldn't return) so she bought them anyway saying they would match the dress for other occasions even if she chose others for the wedding. Then we went back to mine and looked on ebay and she bought another pair she "may return". Whatever, she got some shoes and all was well.

At the same time I was doing a charity 10k so had emailed all friends family asking for donations. She replied to this to say that she couldn't justify sponsoring my run and she "didn't realise how much my wedding was going to cost her". I was mortified and confused so called her thinking some mistake had been made and she thought she had to pay for something else but then she told me on the phone that I hadn't offered to buy her two pairs of shoes and she was now in debt. I was at the time totally polite and said I thought she meant that she was going to buy them as the present as she said "outfit" but she then was saying only the dress. So I said that's fine, I'll send you money for the shoes and get your bag (I had already bought and given her jewellery as a bridesmaid present). But she wouldn't let it go and went on and on about how awful I was being! I hung up eventually saying I would talk later but then told her it would be best she wasn't bridesmaid.

Couldn't believe she would buy the dress which cost £150 but then call me stingy for not paying for her TWO pairs of shoes of around £30-40 which I didn't know I was to be paying for and which she would keep anyway. Plus we had bought her an expensive bridesmaid present and were paying for her hotel room on the night before AND after the wedding!!!! In the end my Mum decided to send her a cheque for the dress cost to cut all ties and perceived debts with her and she proceeded to wait to cash the cheque on the day of my wedding to make a point (a month and a half after she sent it).

INSANITY. Suffice to say I've never seen, or wish to see her, again!

Scone crumbs

Dead granny

Guests pay for the wedding

And lots of being pursued for sex

This has it all.

Years ago when I was living in London we had a bit of a house party, just a few close friends (teeny flat).
We were all hanging about in the kitchen, as you do, and noticed that one if my newer friends had vanished, nobody had seen him for over an hour.
Went to find him and found him bollock naked, sat at my computet, happily beating himself off and watching porn he'd downloaded to my machine. Cheeky fucker looked at me with a face and implied I was being rude for interrupting him!

Does Animal Farm really have somebody shagging a chicken in it? I watched that a lot as a child (mind you my parents never did put much thought into censorship...)

Or was it some cheesy porn version (Anal Farm?) :o

I have nc for this as it would out me!
Not at someones house but odd behaviour at a christening.

We went to a family christening (cousin my side) the service was at 12 so noone had eaten, there was a gathering afterwards, walking distance away. We got there, everyone was ravenous, they gave all the children bags of sweets, so they were running about like crazy high on sugar.

They passed the 11 week old baby round to have his picture taken being held by every guest. He was getting more and more upset there were 300 ish guests my elderly aunt has never had children and was uncomfortable holding the tiny baby, she was forced to and being ever so poilte sho obliged but was terribly uncomfortable.

At 3.30 we had to leave (we had arranged to go to a friends house for a cuppa after the christening) the food still hadnt arrived and we (me and dh) had to make a mad dash to a supermarket with 3 screaming children.

The food had been ordered for 4 oclock, 'so that everyone could get drunk and enjoy the disco first' it was a christening! We were expecting to be away by two ish at the latest!

Nominated this for classics. Mnhq please excuse slighy boast tone, am on phone

Ex bf mum made me sit on a towel if I was wearing jeans,it was a dark fabric sofa. Never allowed to use the loo at an old school friends house,had to pee in the garden.
If I was having a sleepover at one friends house I had to wait in sitting room while they had breakfast and I waited for the first bus.

Years ago as a penniless young student I decided to travel to the north of Scotland for a holiday. A friend arranged for me to stay the night at an acquaintances of theirs house en route, a suggestion I gratefully accepted as short on cash.
So the night in question arrives. The couple I am to stay with pick me up at the station and take me to their house. All well and good, and they seem like a nice ordinary, friendly middle aged couple.
We get in, they show me the spare room and a cup of tea is offered. Polite small talk is made around the kitchen table. After a while the wife gets up, puts her coat on, gives her husband a kiss and goes out. It's pretty late by this time.
Feeling a little awkward now, I attempt further small talk with the husband. However he leaves the room, and comes back in with a magazine.
He opens the magazine and brandishes it towards me. In it is a large picture of his wife, stark naked, legs akimbo. It is a swingers contact magazine. As I recoil in shock he calmly explains that they both enjoy sex with strangers. His wife has in fact gone for the night to meet up with a stranger -arranged through the contact magazine - for sex and won't be back for the night. So therefore, he continues, how would I feel about a night of sex with him!!

Panic! No I bloody do not want to!!

A thought runs through my head to leg it but then I consider that it is past midnight by now, I am in the wilds of Scotland miles from anywhere and don't really have a clue where I am.

So I mutter 'Erm no, it's not my sort of thing, I have a boyfriend, I'll just go to bed now on my own if that's ok, thanks for putting me up etc', and before anything else can be said I scoot off to my bedroom, and pull the wardrobe and the bed in front of the door to barricade myself in for the night. The man taps at the door feebly and asks 'Am I sure I don't want to have sex with him'. Yes, quite sure thank you.

I fled early the next morning.

Looking back, I don't know how I dared stay the night. And how polite I was!

Visiting my friend, she allows her shitzu to sit on the table... So it would wander all around our cups.... then paw at you to pet it... She would laugh, isn't he so sweet!

And I have never been married!

A man from the insurance company came to look at damage caused by a leak. He asked a few questions and then said 'Can I talk to your husband? women don't tend to understand plumbing'. Then on noticing my huge cookery book collection, he says 'I bet you are a good cook, I find women are best off in the kitchen'

The fucking cheek of it. The mortgage is in my name. And I am responsible for it.

My friend and I were once invited to another friend's house with our DDs to celebrate her DDs 3rd birthday (Our DDs were both 6 at the time.) She said she wasn't having an actual party as she had only moved to the area recently and we were the only 2 friends she had made, and she wasn't close to her family. She told us that she would do a birthday tea for the DDs with cake and candles etc. She told us this about 3 days before, in front of our DDs who were both looking forward to it, this would have been obvious to friend.

We arrived at friend's house at the arranged time only to find her and her DD both still in their pyjamas, and her DD with a streaming cold. We handed over presents, made a fuss of her DD etc, then sort of just sat there not really knowing what to do with ourselves. My DD broke the ice when she spotted the huge, beautiful birthday cake on the kitchen side and asked friend when we would be having cake. Friend replied that as her DD wasn't feeling too well she wasn't going to do the birthday tea after all, and noone would be having cake. Our DDs little faces fell and we were just . None of us (not even the children) were offered so much as a glass of water in the whole time we were there.

We didn't say anything at the time (still in a bit of a daze!) but made our excuses pretty quickly, got out of there and took our DDs for a MacDs then onto posh cake shop for pudding as we felt so bad for them. As soon as we left, friend and I kind of looked at each other and just went "Did that..." "Do you think..." "Did you hear..." both shocked at the rudeness. We pulled 'friend' up on it afterwards and she just claimed she wasn't thinking and didn't realise the girls would be disappointed!

I still don't understand why she didn't just phone/text and postpone or cancel beforehand. (Maybe because she still wanted the presents...)

Went to a wedding of my X's friend a few years ago. Friend's cousin was there with her 2 boys (6 & 12) and DP. Wedding was lovely and reception in nearby hotel then evening party.

Come the eve party aforementioned cousin had arranged with her DM to collect boys and take them home to bed. Oldest one had made friends with some other boys and was having a whale of a time so asked to stay. The cousin agreed and asked her DM to just take youngest.
Her DM said no she was taking both home as the cousin needed some 'adult time'. Cousin says' no really it's alright DM leave eldest he's having great time'. DM starts to argue and shout at her daughter that she won't be picking up the pieces when her partner leaves her because they never have time to themselves.

Bride's mother hears the commotion and comes over and starts saying 'ahh leave him, he's having lovely time. is no bother etc.

Cousin's DM and bride's mother then start rowing at the top of their voices. Bride comes over and as row continues slaps Cousin's DM who 'is hysterical'.

Cue all out row with various people holding back various others now numbering about 15 people.

Manager of hotel arrives to calm everything down and ends up making the cousin's DM leave - with neither child!

We were [bushock] but laughed after. Bride not quite so amused. Party ruined and she wasn't even a guest [bugrin]

I am in stitches reading this thread!! Some mad mad stories on here!

Cannot believe the kitchen sex!! OMG and that wedding one where you had to pay for their wedding !!!!!!

Another MIL one! We lived 3 hours away so "popping in" is not a weekly/regular event. We recently had been invited up to see them! Plan was to pop in and see them for a few hours in the afternoon, they had mentioned they would offer us a light late lunch and that they would expect us about 1.30, we would then go onto other family early evening to stay the night etc. Then a big family get together in a pub for Sunday lunch the next day before heading back home early Sunday evening.

So we turn up at ILs house just before 1.30 but there is no reply. We sit in car on their driveway and call their house and mobiles. No reply. After 45 minutes of trying this there is still no reply and we and DC are hungry for lunch. So we head off to a local pub for a light lunch. Whilst there we constantly phone but no reply.

After our lunch and 1 hour later we head back and they are in. MIL ushers us into the lounge and locks the front door behind us. FIL is nowhere to be seen. Bare in mind they invited us and have not seen us or DC for 3 months. We were made a cuppa etc but MIL makes no explaination as to where they were. An hour passes and FIL still nowhere to be seen. Eventually MIL tells us they had popped over to a neigbours at 1pm for a slice of birthday cake as it was neighbours birthday. No apology or mention of being over an hour late to greet us. but hey ho. After an hour and half FIL comes down stairs and says hello. DH makes a comment about wondering where he had been. FIL tells us he was upstairs bust downloading music onto his MP3 - Dont mind us driving 3 hours to visit you then .

He then says they were not in when we arrived because they needed to go to the shop to buy special food in for our lunch. We had not mentioned we had been to the pub and eaten whilst waiting for them to come home - but despite this they didnt offer us any lunch (thank god) and only a biscuit which we were told we could only have 1 each because they were Foxes and not Sainsburys own! We were never offered lunch - so what shop and special food for our lunch FIL was on about remains a mysetry - as does theire whereabouts as MIL says they were having birthday cake with their neighbour .

Just weird.

Anyway DC are bored etc etc so I suggest they play on their nintendo, which they have leftt in the car. I go to open the door to get it from car and cannot get out because the front door is locked. So I ask how to open the door, if there is a key etc. Both MIL and FIL ask me why I want the key. I mention I want to get something from the car and instea dof just handing me the key they continue to question me about WHAT EXACTLY I want from the car. Eventually they get the key and it just so happens DH gets the Nintendos in. 20 minutes or so later. One goes flat the DC need the charger which is......in the car. Once again we have aske "permission" to unlock the front door to go to OUR car. Once again they ask us why? what for?? etc etc. Absolutely bonkers

This time I go out. I am not allowed the key. Fil has to unlock the door for me. Then he stands there looking at me and waiting in the door way for me to find the charger. I am also thinking I had better bloodywell get anything else I need at the same time as obviously asking to unlock the door is a bit of an issue!! I eventually find the charger and go back in the house and FIL locks the front door and puts the key in his pocket.

It was bizarre!! Really odd! My ILs have always been rather odd and imo rude. But this was absolutely off the wall even for them.

BIL and SIL popped in whilst we were there and they had the same treatment when they needed to pop out to the car for the nappy bag for their baby!

It was more the big deal about hiding the key. It was they way they had to unlock and relock the door, they could not just say yeah heres the key, give it back when your done!!

Just weird and we have never found out where they were or why they didnt answer the door when we first arrived either!

Oh and also poor DD1 (13yo) was bemused but too polite to question it when MIL made her a drink of squash in a twin handled tommee tippee cup (thankfully minue the lid)!!

Hermione YES dbil and exsil were rude, but...errm, what fucking unearthly time did you set off from home to be with them @ 11.30am ?

Before smoking became unacceptable indoors, one of my parents' friends used to have actual 'no smoking' signs up in her house. I mean, fair enough if you don't want people to smoke in your house, but why not just tell them? (I realise this is nothing compared to the majority of this thread btw!)

carabos Why? On the table? Why?
I'm laughing ouy loud at so many of these and completely [bushock] at the rest. [bugrin]

I was invited to a dinner party once. And after we had eaten dessert, the hostess pulled out some receipts and charged us for the dessert we had just eaten. Apparently, she had gone over budget for the dinner party.....................everyone was so shocked they coughed up the couple of quid required. I was pretty impressed that anyone would actually have the balls to do that although she turned out to be a sociopath extraordinaire

Another dinner party, different crowd. We were all happily tucking into a pheasant pie which contained pheasant shot that day 'on the hunt' They were old aristoracy types - non-pretentious but jolly types iykwim. Anyhow, I was pregnant at the time and they were literally forcing me to get pissed......."come on, it's only a sherry? this wine is spectacular, you simply must try it....etc". It was extraordinary coercion and they would not take no for an answer. And then I took a bite into the pheasant pie and wooooooaaaaaahhhhh, there was something incredibly hard that cracked my tooth and then started me off choking........and much to my surprise, the reaction was not one of concern about my well being but "hurrrraayyy, you found the bullet, well done old chap". Lead bullet. Pregnant. Choking. Hurray indeed.