I pooed on my skirt at work today

Before going to a student fancy dress party I filled a half litre fanta bottle half and half with vodka and martini (sophisticated) and necked it in the taxi there.

Half an hour later I was paralytic on the toilet floor vomiting and with each heave shitting myself. Another student a year above me took pity and actually came with me in a taxi home because I was in such a state. Oh I must have stunk. And then I went straight to bed. Woke up thinking I must have trodden in something!

I knew my hubby was 'the one for me' after we'd slept together in the very early days of our relationship, not just because of the sex, but because whilst laying snuggled up I sneezed, but then did the most humongous fart at the same time (this was whilst we were still in the stage of being incredibly polite and nice, you know, before you get to know each other properly ). I was mortified, but he just grinned and asked me if that was my party piece......
My smile of relief faded when I then realised it wasn't just a fart and had to leap out of bed and dash to the bathroom, whereupon an event of cataclysmic proportions took place, it was truly horrendous. I stayed in there ages and slunk back to bed to find dh, as he is now, had made me a cup of tea and asked me if instead of the bottom falling out of my world, the world had fallen out of my bottom.......

I had a bit of a d&v type thing that came on whilst staying over at exps house when we first started going out. I managed to remain fairly dignified throughout, but after several trips to the loo my bum was getting very sore so it was hard to clean up properly, and there was probably an element of leaking/sharting so I ended up essentially with skiddy pants. It was one if those situations where I'd just put the bare essentials in my handbag, but luckily I had brought some spare undies, so I screwed up the soiled ones and shoved themback in my handbag. We went out somewhere the next day and my phone started ringing in my bag. Exp went to reach into my bag and I of course shouted at him not to look in my bag. Thing is he was a paranoid jealous fuck (would have got a right roasting on here!) and he if course went ballistic thinking I was hiding something from him. In the end I just had to shout "ok, I shat myself and my shitty pants are in there. HAPPY NOW?!" A red flag if ever there was one!

Ooooo, I have a recurring dream that for some reason I haven option but to do a poo on a toilet in the middle of a big public space with no cubicle. Your story just reminded me!

In branch of Bathstore with DS (then about nine months old) and DD who would have been 3. Keep smelling shit. Apologise to man at desk for what I assume to be DS trumping continually. DD has vanished to wander round showroom. I get up to find her and leave store and find she has planted an enormous smelly turd in not one, but two unplumbed loos on display.

We left quite quickly after that.

ChocDee my long lost sister! I was sure I was the only one in the whole wide world.

The down side of having a DM to assist is that there were then 2 people in the household who are aware of what happened. I suspect this is part of the reason why I remember it so well...

Both memories are still very active - we have had a chuckle about it since a couple of times! I am nearing 60 and DM is in her early 80's. That's a long time to share a memory like that particular one

Dd age 3 was once in bed with us at night.

I woke up about 4.30am, and could smell shit. I couldn't find anything, so woke up dh, who found and removed a small turd obviously done by dd (at least I presume it was DD!) It didn't leave a stain, but it was on his side of bed. So he decided to get into dd's bed, and we would deal with sheets in the morning (I know, but it was 4;30am). Dd decided to follow dh. I checked her over for any stains, but could find nothing. DD gets into bed with DH.

5 minutes later serious shouting and swearing from dh. "I can bloody smell shit in here....Christ it's all over her, why didn't you see it?"...........I am as blind as a bat without my specs and I forgot to put them on in all the muddle.

DH swearing and washing himself and dd in bathroom at 4.45am. I meanwhile can STILL smell shit. Put specs back on, and discover my legs are covered in hard dried on crap all over them (similar to a fake tan in a way). I had obviously been lying in it unknowingly for hours.

Rush screaming into bathroom. Start arguing with dh about who has running water priority in this situation. Dd in, bath, dh at sink and me with no water. The smell was unbelieveable.

Arguing wakes up ds................

Thank you Pussycat...

Reading yours reminded me of when the exact thing happened to me. I had forgotten all about it until now!

I did not have a rescuing mother on hand however so I tried to yank the string out with my hand as half of it was still stuck up my arse. No matter how hard I yanked (and I yanked HARD!! I was a bit desperate and scared) it would not budge.

I remember thinking that the string must have tied itself around my intestines in a strong knot and I may DIE!

Too embarrassed to ask for help and and admitting defeat i walked away with the string neatly curled up inside my knickers...

I did not die and I must have managed to poo it out the next day.

No poo tales of my own, but a period one.

I was 11 and. I siting a boy from school in hospital. He'd broken his leg in a rugby match that we were both playing in, and as this was oly, like, my 6thperiod I had no idea when it'd turn up. We sat here for 3 hours chatting. I was perched on the end of his bed... I ran off screaming bu apparently the nurses did a very good job of disguising the fact hat there was period all over his sheets

DH's sharting tale - we were working together and he went to the loo. He got back to is desk and texted me to ask if he had any spare undercrackers in the car. He then asked me to use the excuse of no Tampax to our MALE boss, because that would be an acceptabl excuse to nip to th shops, whereas him crappung himself and needing new boxers was too embarrassing. I went one better and offered to do a KFC run for the whole team

DD2 currently has a spot of nappy rash, so is having a lot of time with a bare bum and of course the accidents are commensurate.

Last night, DD1 (age four) dragged me over to a little round brown thing on the rug, shrieking Mummy, Mummy, DD2 did a POO on the CARPET!!!

I inspected it very closely while she stood there, then leaned over, picked it up and put it in my mouth. DD1 was so horrified she was speechless.

It was a baby pinecone.

(Luckily - my eyesight is not as sharp as it once was and the joke really could have backfired like no other, I suppose)

Ahh, Hapless This has NEVER happened to me before ? I blame this thread

The power of the Poo Skirt Thread is mighty indeed.
Let that be a lesson to all Poo Skirt newbies.......

This happened to me on Monday but I've only just recovered sufficiently to be able to post.

DS had a bit of a D&V bug and passed it on to me (well just the D part) so thought I was OK, took DD to pre-school and sharted as I got out of the car. Had to take her in hoping noone would notice (or blame DS if they did) and avoid all eye contact so that I didn't have to stop and chat with any of the mums. Poor DS had to miss his play group so I could go home and sort myself out.

This has NEVER happened to me before ? I blame this thread .

Pinkpussycat That has made me collapse but having to do it silently so as not to wake DD. String of poos

I can honestly say I have personally, never had an embarrassing shit related incident. The Dcs on the other hand...
DS, can't have Ben more than a few months old, and decided to have one of those endless poo moments. We were out shopping, and he managed to get through 4 sets of clothes! It came out of the sleeves, the legs, the waist bands... He must have shit his own weight in excrement! He travelled home wrapped in my t shirt!

DD, went through a poo fetish stage! She would have been about 1/1-5yo. She was a fab sleeper, and if I put her in her cot, she would just lay there and drop off in her own time. Until... The day she discovered that she could get her nappy off! She would shit in it, then remove it and wipe the ahit over every inch of her body! As it was warm, she would contentedly drop off to sleep, only to wake up when it had cooled, set and started to sting! I'd have to put her in the bath and scrape it off with my finger nails!
I tried everything, to keep her nappy on. I sellotaped it, used gaffer tape, staples... In the end, I had to sew her into her vest! She is 13 now, I'm glad to say that she did grow out of it in the end!

There was also the moment when the disposable nappy failed, due to the large amout of crap enclosed. A huge dollop of splatty poo hit the carpet. Quick as a flash, the dog leapt in, and swallowed the dollop whole!

Nope, no embarrassing poo stories for me.

You disgusting people.

Further from Alias post above...

who thought "OMG I am a disgusting person, I must be the only person in the world who has ever done this" before reading this thread? And who now feels a little less silly as a result?

I do! And I havent even posted my worst story(ies) on here!

thank goodness for this thread. Many years ago I had a temporary ileostomy (like a colostomy-bag) and suffered several accidents.

Even though it was reversed and I am now 'normal' I still have nightmares about it regularly. This thread shows me this is actually common for everybody.

It was only for 12 months, 15 YEARS ago and I do still have genuine nightmares. Thank you.

I kid you not, I pooed on my bridesmaid dress, a pink Jordan-esque bridesmaid dress. It was my older db's wedding. I couldn't get it all off because of the fabric no matter how hard I tried. My younger db was sitting beside me in the reception party and bent down and picked up the hem of the dress, rubbing it to clean it asking, what's that?? I was about 22 years old!

Oh TPP that's made me LOL!!!

Mine is from a v long time ago when I was 10. I hated needlework but had to do it at school, and was also a bit weird so instead of sewing I chewed on a long piece of quite sturdy thread, and ended up swallowing it.

A couple of days later I went for a poo, there were several small turds came out, when I stood up, there were all the poos threaded on the thread, which was dangling down from my bum. Try as I might, pushing yeilded nothing.

Eventually I called for my DM, who got some scissors and cut the thread, releasing the string of poos into the toilet. I was mortified

I killed the thread? :(

Got to add my bit...

I once started a period at school whilst not wearing a pad. Thank god my trousers were black. My knickers were ruined so I took them off.

WHY?? Why did I do that? What was going to stem the flow now??? If I'd been even a tiny bit smarter I'd have realised that at least I could have wadded up some toilet paper and shoved them in my knickers. I was far too embarrassed about periods to ask anyone for a pad, even the school nurse!

I sat through the next lesson sweating about the possibility that my period was leaking out through my trousers and was going to leave a very red patch on the chair. Also, sans knickers, my trousers were being eaten by my arse.

I really can't remember what the outcome was. I could SMELL my own period wafting around. Back then, 'Always Ultra' didn't exist, so even if I had a pad on it was one of those mattress 'Dr White' kind and they stank...

I once went for a cig at work. I sat in my car with the door open. I needed to fart but ended up sharting. I have no idea why, as I didn't have a dodgy stomach or anything. I had to go into work and tell my colleague that I'd had an accident. She didn't understand at first. I said 'I have to go home and change... erm... well look I really really need to go home.' She twigged but didn't bat an eyelid. She just told me to go then. Care workers have seen and heard it all :D

And this one didn't involve my own poo but...

I went to an agricultural college. It had it's own farm. Part of my college 'uniform' was a pair of steel toe capped Doc Martens. I had been tramping around the farm all afternoon. I got on a public bus, sat down, and put my foot up on the radiator. I thought nothing of it until I heard 'EWWWW Veena have you shit yourself? Omg it stinks! Who FARTED?!'

Took my foot off the radiator...

This has got to be the funniest thread EVER!

The couple trying to poke the poo down the toilet - priceless.

My own contribution involves OH.
It was many years ago when we were students, on holiday - Portugal. Camping.
He'd had queasy tummy from something he'd eaten (?in Morocco), but nothing had "emerged" as it were.

We had an early night - other campers were happily partying into the night etc.
OH wakes in shock and grabs clothes, wrapping a towel round himself and runs out into the night.
Yes, he'd let it all go in his sleep.
I'm left with a pooey/stinky sleeping bag (thank heavens we had separate bags!) which I duly traipsed over to the outdoor sinks to rinse off - nice.

Remember half the camp site is still awake and poor OH had to stand in the toilet block, covered in shit, waiting for a shower to become available. Cringe.

Mind you, he felt much better the next day and the sleeping bag dried off in no time in the lovely sunshine.

Happy days.

Poor Frank!!

Surprisingly this thread has been a good cure for my all day morning sickness - laughing so much.

My poo story involves my mil (who I totally love) but I actually thought it had involved my dog.

Was sat chatting away to MIL as usual one morning over a cup of tea at my house, when she made a quick exit upstairs to loo. I didn't really think much of it as was also keeping an eye on my young son at the time. Anyway, I picked up my son to take him upstairs to get him changed for the day, when I came across a small but perfectly formed poo on the stairs.

Cue me shouting "Fraaank" (dog aforementioned) "What have you done?" and was just about to send him outside and go get the gloves and Vanish spray when a sheepish MIL appeared on the landing from the bathroom...

Yes that's right my MIL pooed on my stairs!

I have to say I can't believe she admitted it - I would totally have let the dog take the blame!