I pooed on my skirt at work today

ThisweekonFancyPuffin that is the funniest thing I have ever read on Mumsnet, the blood clot like a tear drop has me wheezing like Mutley!

god I'm so glad I'm on cezarette

I had the tugging out of tampon and clot flying around too

mini pills girls, it's life changing

why we sufffer I'll never know

Oh, don't.

There will be lots of ladies who when they next visit M&S will all be wearing very worried expressions.

They will be identified by the rubbing of tummies, the "oooh" noise they keep making, and the regular, frantic glances towards the nearest exit.

Watch out for the stampede for the nearest loos as we they all leave.

I loved this thread :)

GemTubs, Hecate, my sides hurt. Ive been crying with laughter!

Literally crying with laughter. My h came through and I told him why but was laughing so much he didn't understand a word of it. Thank you all.

I think M&S creates this problem. Older women are at their most relaxed when they're free to roam and touch cloth caress fabrics. It induces a physical reaction in them.

I have just collapsed laughing about two posts in. Can't stop.

Cup

I can just imagine !

"Can you hold her Jean ? Just wait Modom and I'll get Jason to bring some toilet roll over from the Food Dept"....

This thread is so funny!

I'm so glad that I'm not the only person who has suffered 'tampon extraction twang embarrassment'...
...Was in a cubicle in a supermarket dealing with changing a sodden tampon during a particularly heavy period, as you do.....pulled the tampon out, for some reason there was slight resistance as it came out then it suddenly popped out with force and swung forwards...and sent a large clot the size of a sea anemone flying off the end of it and under the cubicle partition onto the floor of the next cubicle. Which had someone in it. I heard a shocked intake of breath from the next cubicle and the occupant hurriedly left, with a muttered "dirty cow" under her breath. Tres embarrassing....

*they

I'm sure M&S customer services would have taken it in their stride.

Having to hold a bucket in one of the aisles of per una with ggirl's mum pooing into it ...

I can just see her now... "ooh love have that got that cardi in a 12?"
""

Good old marksies...

I think I may have posted this poo story before but hey ho - lets give it another airing! I used to pick DD2 up from Nursery and then hurry her over the fields as a short cut to collect DD1 from school. Halfway up the fields one day (on a tight schedule) she announced she needed a poo so I whipped her into the bushes and said just this once you can have one here. It was particularly sloppy (sorry!) and I realised I had nothing, not even a snotty hanky, to wipe her bum with. No problem, I used her knickers and was just about to lob them into bushes but she started screaming "Noooo - not my Tweenies (or whatever they were) knickers - nooooooo".
Normally I have more stamina than to give in to a tantrumming 3 yo but I was already late for picking DD1 up so I shoved them in my pocket. You could smell them a mile away. I stood at the school praying nobody would talk to me and had to say to a friend "Please don't come any nearer - my pocket is full of shit"

ggirl just rereading your poor mums experience to family who loved it, but we were wondering how you got her to a loo if she couldn't move?what did you do?

Oh shit (literally)

Ahh, the 'urge' disappeared. So the move comes first.

I suppose you could have always asked an assistant for some assistance...either a visit to the staff loos, or a desperate dash for a changing room and a request for a bucket ?

ity's already in classics

I'm torn between nominating this thread for classics, and not wanting to preserve my poo story forever!!

Just to reassure you all , my mum is no longer statue-like in m&s . She stood there long enough for 'it to go back up'
and btw there are no loos in M&S Salisbury , I was frantically racing around looking for one thinking she was gonna shit herself!

We did howl with laughter afterwards.

Ooh ooh I have a good supermarket mum farts story!

My poor mum had to have a test in hospital where they filled her bowels with air. The nurse told her afterwards she would feel a bit windy for a while but it it would gradually make its way out.... Afterwards she had some time to kill before her lift was turning up, so she went for a wander around Sainsburys nearby.

Once she was well into the shop the 'pumped in' air decided to make a very loud and swift exit - and she started doing the loudest and most ridiculous comedy fart you've ever heard, which literally didn't stop for about three minutes. She couldn't do anything to stop it and was so embarrassed she dumped her basket and ran for the door.

Gumby its not too bad if you buried it...

I was in West Africa for 3 months, where a lot of the time we camped in the bush and had to dig a hole if we wanted a poo.

The trick was to start digging when you weren't that desperate. A few times I ended up digging faster and more frantically, and then had to aim a poo into the most uselessly tiny hole ever

This thread is the only one that has made me laugh out loud. The rears are streaming here!

I too am curious about the Mum in M&S.

What came first, the move or the poo ? Or was it simutaneous ?

I've had a few of those "got to get to a loo FAST" moments.

Happily most of them happen at home.

" Im sorry alan"

mine was at xmas just gone, had gone to quite posh restaurant for a meal, we had our mains and i felt i needed to loo so run up the stairs to go, half way through and whilst sat with trousers round my ankles, the lights went out, i must have been in there a while for the automatic sensors to kick in. so i stood up and started waving my arms around trying to trigger them again, it didnt work. i debated texting my dp downstairs to come up and walk in then walk out again so they would come on but decided against it.

it was then i realised they only came on when you opened the main door to the toilets so i thought as the place was fairly empty i was ok to get up run to the door and back again. id just left the cubicle when 3 girls came through the door and stood staring at me in shock, i ran back in and waited till they had all gone, then had to walk past them back to my own table. to make matters worse dp decided to welcome me back by shouting "good god women i thought youd fell down the toilet youve been so long". cue a table full of people giggling and me mortified in the corner, never told dp and never will!

lmao what is it about m & s?