to get disproportionately angry when songs do not make sense

Can't believe The Smiths haven't had more of a mention...

"Punctured bicycle on a hillside, desolate
Will nature make a man of me yet?"

For leaving your bike halfway up a hill? I think not, boys.

And how about The Happy Monday's Step On? "you're twistin' my mellor, man" - what's a mellor when it's at home?!

My turn to have a go at Coldplay. If you are writing a love song, why would you include the telephone directory in it? (apparently the sight of the Yellow Pages on a bookshelf helped Chris Martin with the lyrics)

This one starts off so well:

Look at the stars
Look how they shine for you

but rapidly goes downhill ...
Yeah they were all yellow

until it becomes nonsensical
Cause you were all yellow

I always feel like singing along
You wet the bed
You wet the bed last night
It was a frightful sight
The sheets were all yellow

and so on.

Chasing payments, yeah that's a good one. Makes more sense!

and Gwen again for the hat trick

'Circles and Triangles...' in the ballad
'Cool'

And I'll be happy for you
If you can be happy for me
Circles and triangles, and now we're hangin' out with your new girlfriend
So far from where we've been
I know we're cool

why? why bring geometry into a nice song hmmm?

Imagine you were sitting in a moving car...
A scary conversation shut my eyes can't find the brake...

well Open your bloody eyes and Drive properly Gwen!

'Hollaback Girl'

The first time I heard this gem I thought Gwen was coming out as a racist; singing

'I ain't no Harlem Black Girl'. I literally froze for the whole song in shock; trying to understand what the hell it was about.
Then I saw the video another time and realised it was some bonkers cheerleading term.

Coffeemum I thank you.

(Was slightly perturbed that my comedy-genius passed by unnoticed but it takes a kindly, clever, highly intelligent lady to comment.)

Not so much for being contradictory - more for being complete and utter garbage. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, may I present the lyrics to Duran Duran's - 'Rio'

"Rio"

Moving on the floor now babe you're a bird of paradise
Cherry ice cream smile I suppose it's very nice
With a step to your left and a flick to the right you catch that mirror way out west
You know you're something special and you look like you're the best

Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand
Just like that river twisting through a dusty land
And when she shines she really shows you all she can
Oh Rio, Rio dance across the Rio Grande

I've seen you on the beach and I've seen you on TV
Two of a billion stars it means so much to me
Like a birthday or a pretty view
But then I'm sure that you know it's just for you

Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand
Just like that river twisting through a dusty land
And when she shines she really shows you all she can
Oh Rio, Rio dance across the Rio Grande

Hey now woo look at that did she nearly run you down
At the end of the drive the lawmen arrive
You make me feel alive, alive alive
I'll take my chance cause luck is on my side or something
I know what you're thinking I tell you something I know what you're thinking

Her name is Rio and she dances on the sand
Just like that river twists across a dusty land
And when she shines she really shows you all she can
Oh Rio, Rio dance across the Rio Grand
Her name is Rio she don't need to understand
And I might find her if I'm looking like I can
Oh Rio, Rio hear them shout across the land
From mountains in the north down to the Rio Grande
Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do

What the actual actual fuck?

That was to Perriwinkle btw.

I think it's "Why do I find it hard to write the next line?"

These are great!

Kidrock! That "we didn't have no Internet (so you DID have the Internet then?), but man I never will forget, the way the moonlight shined upon her hair"
SHINED??? SHONE, surely?

*In the meadow we can build a snowman,
Then pretend that he is Parson Brown

He'll say: Are you married?
We'll say: No man,
But you can do the job
When you're in town.*

No, no, no. Snowmen are not licensed to perform weddings, even when impersonating a vicar.

Guns don't kill people, rappers do...

because guns are inanimate objects... but actually if you listen to the rest of the song, it's about the silliness of blaming music for violence

"I can't stop dreaming of injured pop stars" Chris TT.

No, hang on, I like that one

As a small aside, when DH was a wee boy he thought the lyrics to True were 'I know there's budgies, too'. After reading about 'seaside arms' I'm not sure he was wrong.

"Take your seaside arms and write the next line..." Spandau Ballet - True

I love them but really, WTF?

I always thought Adele was singing about 'Chasing Payments', it seemed to make more sense that way. Like she worked in accounts or something.

Alannah Myles every time.

Black velvet and that little boy's smile
Black velvet with that slow southern style
A new religion that'll bring ya to your knees
Black velvet if you please

What crap. Compounded by the fact she says "Leedle" boy's smile.

Fred, much as I love you, if your heart's beating so you can hardly speak, I wouldn't think singing's a great idea.

And 'all together dancing cheek to cheek', just how many of you are there?!

"And now she?s two years older
Her mother?s with a soldier
She left me when my drinking
Became a proper stinging
The devil came and took me
From bar to street to bookie
No more nights by the telly
No more nights nappies smelling"

Up the Junction, Squeeze

I always used to get annoyed with the meatloaf song mentioned before as well. I was SO confused with that line "I would do anything for love. But I won't do that" just because I would think THEN YOU WOULDN'T DO ANYTHING THEN WOULD YOU MEATLOAF?!

Another Snow Patrol one I still love you

Let's waste time

Chasing Cars

Around our heads

Scalextric cars? Actual cars? Toy cars?

If actual cars it's a bit dangerous and the turning circle would be too tight so must be toy cars. If toy cars then how will you be able to chase them around your head? Are you standing up holding a toy car each at head height running around each other? If you are both in the centre of a scalextric track lying down, how can you see to chase the cars?

I know it's already been mentioned loads but 'do they know it's christmas' - someone earlier linked to the creepy Christmas lyrics? I ALWAYS do get creeped out by that line it mentioned!

"Well tonight thank GOD it's them, instead of you!"

Yeah, we're alright jack! Phew! Thank The lord Jesus Christ it's THOSE people starving and dying and not me!!

That's not a very christmassy way to think now is it?

Phishwife that's always my reaction to Jerusalem too