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Original poster

You know you have a toddler when...

253 replies

Psammead · 27/11/2011 07:40

You have to stop in the street when you see a bus for a quiet but rousing verse of 'The Wheels on the Bus'.

You accidentely bash the cat over the head, and then watch it for a few fretful seconds to see if it will burst into tears.

You have to resist the urge to clap and congratulate others on mundane achievements such as eating up all their din-dins.

You say din-dins.

You refer to yourself in the third person. This is the preserve of toddler-parents and psychopaths. This may or may not be a coincidence.

You decide that you prefer the skirting board coloured-in.

OP posts:
FiniteIncantatem · 28/11/2011 22:01

Grin At PYC!

FiniteIncantatem · 28/11/2011 22:00

I quite often do the "Er, what do you say?" or even "Please" very pointedly at adults that don't say please Blush I figure that if my 4year old can mostly manage it, then adults should be able to!

PDog · 28/11/2011 21:58

When the only time your LO will willingly sit on your knee for cuddle is when you are having a poo.

When you look forward to work as you will have a whole 8 hours of no-one repeating your every word over and over.

Fab thread Grin

ProcessYellowC · 28/11/2011 21:50

You are comfortable announcing in a loud voice "I'm going for a wee-wee, does anyone else need to come with me for a wee-wee?"
Thankfully DH hasn't taken me up on it yet Grin

saoirse86 · 28/11/2011 21:42

When your DP says "careful!" to someone on the tv. (just happened!)

saoirse86 · 28/11/2011 21:33

You put off going to the supermarket until your dc is with you so you don't have to park in a normal space.

You get out a clutch bag for a night out and find a train ticket from 2007.

You sometimes realise you've just said something in a toddler voice; your mum friends don't even notice, your non-mum friends look at you like you've lost the plot.

Your friend asks if you want to go shopping tomorrow, you say "can't we go to tumble jungle instead?"

bringmesunshine2009 · 28/11/2011 21:33

*you are Blush

HobnobHeaven · 28/11/2011 21:21

You find yourself sniggering in a business meeting when your boss (also the mother of a toddler) uses the expression "You have caused confusion and delay" in the style of the Fat Controller

vix206 · 28/11/2011 21:15

You greet visitors with a shrill and singsongy 'Hiya!' and wave 'Bye Bye' when they leave. The waving and bye byeing lasts at least 3 minutes...

You have a superhuman sense of smell. I find myself constantly on guard for a dirty nappy, even when DS isn't around!

Going grocery shopping on your own is mega-exciting. Then you see other toddlers and babies in the supermarket and wish you had your DC with you.

You can't eat food slowly anymore, it is thrown down your neck as quickly as possible because you're so used to constant interruptions!

Nelleh · 28/11/2011 21:12

Mine are big teenagers now - this made me laugh! The memories.........

bringmesunshine2009 · 28/11/2011 21:05

You're slightly superior colleague asks you to get something from the printer. You shout: "SAY PLEEEEEASE!"

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 28/11/2011 20:58

cooking* dinner

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 28/11/2011 20:57

You realise as you are cooked dinner that you never had any lunch
yes, this is me today

NinthWave · 28/11/2011 20:55

LOL Dipdap

When DS1 was about 2 he took a massive bite out of a leek in Sainsburys. Checkout assistant found it hilarious - I didn't, he bloody stank of raw leek til we got home!

NinthWave · 28/11/2011 20:53

You stop being remotely embarrassed/amused by having to shout "DS WILL YOU PLEASE PUT YOUR WILLY AWAY" for the eight millionth time.

CBear6 · 28/11/2011 20:53

You have no choice but to self-censor your previously 'colourful' language.

You can't have a bath in peace even when you resort to having one at 11pm long after DS has gone to bed. DS, woken by the sounds of the water, walking in grinning and cheerily greeted me with "fuck" (which takes us back to the point above).

You realise the importance of putting stuff away and the scariness of silence.

In relation to the above point, you know how to wash a large quantity of talc out of very thick toddler hair.

You feel a sick sense of smug satisfaction when friends/family members with DC younger than yours enter the toddler phase. Control my child, eh? Bit of a handful, is he? Yours will never do that, will they? Welcome to toddler-armageddon, population: you.

AKMD · 28/11/2011 20:52

pigley when DS was a newborn DH woke me up one night trying to burp me in his sleep. That was quite disturbing.

When most of your shopping bill consists of soft, out of season fruit.

When singing in public stops being embarrassing and instead turns into a daily occurrence.

leftangle · 28/11/2011 20:26

You think "because you're hungry mummy" is a reasonable answer to "why are you putting a toothbrush/pen/tombliboo down my cleavage?"
You know what a tombliboo is

Andrewofgg · 28/11/2011 20:18

DS is 26, youngest niece 19, so all this is a distant but happy memory.

But great-nephew is 10m so it's all happening again, and he'll be spoilt rotten in this department!

MamaPizza · 28/11/2011 20:07

Beyond, good trick, but wouldn't work at 6am in the morning. I got enough to do getting us out on time.

AppleAndBlackberry · 28/11/2011 20:05

You know way more about dinosaurs than you ever wanted to

KateMiddIeton · 28/11/2011 19:14

Your dh brings you breakfast in bed. It is toast cut into squares.

SkinnyMuffin · 28/11/2011 18:57

You have long since given up trying to tidy all the toys away after bedtime and instead display some of them artistically on shelves where your glass and ceramic ornaments used to be.

Dipdap · 28/11/2011 18:53

Haha Beyond

BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 28/11/2011 18:48

And they often have bites out of them too!

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